The Deployment Diary

A New Year, a New Direction

2006-01-06T12:00:00.000-08:00

and a new blog.

I've decided not to continue The Deployment Diary. My hope is, in the coming year, I won't need to come back to it. That all depends on the Army of course and the decisions husband makes later on in 2006. If he deploys, I'll be back writing about the deployment and all that entails. If he decides to retire, he'll drop his retirement paperwork in the ending months of 2006 and retire in 2007. If he decides to stay in, he'll start looking for a job at a few of the posts we'd be interested in moving to and hopefully retire in 2010. He's on the fence right now and since he's locked into this job for another two years, he has plenty of time to weigh his options.

As for Me...
I've been on my own fence of sorts, weighing options and ideas. For several months I've been considering redoing a website I used to have and get back to doing something that I used to enjoy.

Last month though, Sue at Turning 30 and a half wrote about a yearly writing challenge known as NaNoWriMo. The challenge is, between November 1st through November 30th, participants write a novel. To meet the challenge, they must have 50,000 words by midnight on November 30th. I believe the objective is to just get people writing. Quantity, not quality...to focus on getting something on paper. Taking that first step that often is the hardest - I know that first step is the hardest for me.

I've always dreamed of becoming a professional writer, whether it be writing books or articles in magazines and newspapers. One of the best feelings in the world is to write something that touches people...to get an email saying that what you wrote moved them to tears or put into words feelings they also have.

I've had 10 or so articles published in the past, but nothing since 2004. And, the article in 2004 wasn't something I submitted, but an article I wrote for my old website that an Army newspaper wanted to reprint in their Alaska paper. In other words, just a chance search brought the gentleman to email me for permission.

I thought really hard about signing up and trying to meet the NaNoWriMo challenge. When November 1st rolled around though, I simply chickened out. A dream is a dream until you work to make it a reality. If I started trying to write a novel, even one that focused more on quantity than quality, failure would end a dream I've had as long as I can remember. I couldn't seem to overcome the fear of that thought - so I didn't even try.

This did put me on a path of some soul searching though. Not long after Sue's entry discussing NaNoWriMo, she linked to writing classes that she was taking. I thought, now that is something I could do! I also started searching out websites that focus on writing and bookmarked other sites that accept submissions for online publication.

So, I'm going to start a new blog. I've not decided on a name yet, but it'll focus on things I'm interested in such as politics, my family and writing. I'll probably start it in the next week or so. If you're interested in following me to the new blog, give me an email at thedeploymentdiary - at - yahoo.com. Once I have the blog ready, I'll email you the link.

Thank you so much for reading, for leaving comments here and there - and for the emails over the past 23 months. I really appreciate the support and kindness and I hope 2006 is a great year for everyone!

New AC Adapter Arrives

2006-01-05T19:29:00.000-08:00

My new AC Adapter arrived this morning around 11. One four legged baby leaving one little tooth mark on the old one seems to have shorted it out completely. Thank goodness it didn't take Dell as long as I was told it would take to get it here. When I ordered it Tuesday morning, the lady said it'd be here by the 9th, six days later. Instead, it arrived in just two days.

Whew!

It wasn't any fun being without my computer. No AC Adapter plus the battery being drained completely equals one bored lady lol.

So, I'm back - and ready to get to work on my New Year's goals! More on that later though...

Death of the AC Adapter

2006-01-03T08:37:00.000-08:00

This morning started early. Have I mentioned that I'm so not a morning person? Ughh. I detest mornings.

Husband is back to working full days, which means his typical long hours. Little guy and I dropped daughter off at school this morning and our regularly-scheduled-life-after-the-holidays officially began, darnit. I've really been dreading this. It's been so wonderful having daughter and husband home with us.

This morning my laptop's AC adapter stopped working. My battery is now just about dead. I've ordered another and Dell said it'd be here by the 9th. So, until then...

Happy New Year!

2006-01-02T18:55:00.000-08:00

Usually on New Years Eve, husband and I will find a movie on TV to watch and end up asleep before the ball drops in New York. I think the last time we did anything other than that on New Years Eve was 1994 lol. This year though, we decided to have some friends over.

A friend of husband's at work and his wife came out. My friend, her husband (who also works with husband and his buddy) and their two children came out too. We had lots of food and a few drinks - and we had a great time.

Husband's friend brought the game Texas Hold 'Em. He and his wife taught us all how to play, which was a lot of fun. We played that until midnight. Around 11 pm, we all were yawning though. You could really tell we were not a bunch of young party goers lol.

It was a really fun evening and everyone will be back out for Superbowl Sunday. And, I can't wait! We had a wonderful start to 2006 and I hope you all did too! Happy New Year!

A Very Merry Christmas

2005-12-29T20:45:00.000-08:00

Last year's Christmas had a rather large dark cloud hanging over it. Just a few weeks before, we found out his unit was already slotted to head back to Iraq even though they'd just returned from a year tour four months prior. I felt like we'd barely gotten him home when worrying about the upcoming deployment began.

I was so thankful to have him home for the holidays, but the Christmas without him the year before still felt so fresh. Knowing he'd be gone for the next Christmas made even the tiniest detail bittersweet.

God truly blessed us this year, though. He wasn't deployed and we were able to spend Christmas together. The only rule? NO extended family were invited ;). It was just the four of us and it was absolutely the best Christmas we've had since leaving Alaska. We were able to enjoy a stress-free, no extended family drama, Christmas. It could not have been any more perfect.

He didn't take leave this year. He wanted to save it in case he does decide to retire. With the half-day schedule and four day long weekends, we've been able to spend so much time together, which has been the best gift I've ever received.

Christmas morning was magical. Being together to see our two little ones' faces light up when they saw Santa had been here. Daughter showing little guy the empty plate of cookies, the empty glass of milk and then reading the thank you note from Santa to him...life just doesn't get any better than that.

Santa brought little guy a battery powered four-wheeler and daughter a keyboard. They received lots of other gifts from Santa, but those were the big ones. Daughter and little guy have had the best time riding that four-wheeler. Husband and I have had just as great a time watching the fearless duo. The keyboard has seen some action as well, but its appeal wears off quickly for Mom who must listen to the artists' budding creativity ;). It could be worse though. Santa could have brought drums lol!

As I sit here tonight with our children safely tucked in bed upstairs, husband sleeping in his new cushy recliner next to me, our big dog sleeping on her dog pillow in front of the TV, fluffy cat sleeping soundly on the couch, the wild cat sleeping with our little guy upstairs and the Christmas tree still sparkling for a few more nights, I cannot help but to pause once again and thank God. Thank Him for not only allowing us to spend this Christmas season together as a family, but also for blessing me with a happy, loving and special marriage to a wonderful man, two beautiful, smart and loving children and our four legged family members. We have such a happy, loving home - and it is everything and more than I dreamed and wished for as a child.

I hope you all had a Merry Christmas. May your New Year be filled with love, laughter and much happiness.

A Heartbreaking Job

2005-12-16T18:33:00.000-08:00

Just the thought of seeing two soldiers in Class A's or dress blues standing on my front porch frightens me enough to make my heart race. While my husband was deployed, the doorbell ringing unexpectedly would scare me so badly. After talking with whoever was there, I'd often cry just from the sheer relief that it wasn't a casualty notification team.

Due to the fear as the wife of a soldier, I've never really considered those who are tasked with informing the families of our fallen heroes. After stopping by Sgt Lori's blog and following the link from this entry though, that's all changed. I now feel that some of the unsung heroes of the War on Terrorism are those who inform families when their loved ones have been killed.

Time Magazine's photo essay, "Honor After the Fall" gives us a glance into the emotions of the families and the officer who must inform them.

Rocky Mountain News special report, Final Salute, takes readers behind the scenes and shares an in-depth view of what families go through and what one casualty notification officer, MAJ Beck, endures. In one telling example, MAJ Beck sits outside of a family's home just a little longer. He knows that once he knocks on their door, that family's lives will never be the same.

Final Salute is a long series with twelve pages in all, but it is well worth the time it takes to read it. An emotional account of both sides of a heartbreaking experience - the person who must notify the family and the families who must face a future without someone they love.

Cindy Sheehan in Vanity Fair

2005-12-16T09:37:00.000-08:00

Truthfully, had I not seen the Vanity Fair photo of Sheehan laying on her son's grave, I would not have believed it. It is one of the sickest things I've ever seen.

Sweetness & Light has the photo and quite a few comments that are worth reading through. Two in particular struck me. One, the fact that her son is in an unmarked grave. I cannot believe there is not a headstone on this hero's grave. Two, that she met with a spokesperson for Muqtada al-Sadr - the leader of the VERY group of insurgents who killed her son and seven other soldiers on April 4th, 2004.

She is a not just a nutcase, she's a disgusting individual.

Tookie Williams Vigil...

2005-12-14T18:29:00.000-08:00

I ran across this coverage of the idiots holding a vigil outside San Quentin for the murdering gang founder sentenced to death.

It sure takes all kinds - even a group singing an orgasm song of all things. Proof positive most protesters are fruitcakes who are a few bricks short of a load.

Idiots on Cell Phones...

2005-12-10T16:37:00.000-08:00

Before I begin this rant, I will fully admit that I not only have a cell phone, I never leave home without it. It keeps me in contact with my friends and family no matter where I am (very handy when husband is deployed). Most importantly, I keep it with me in case of an emergency - and it has come in handy during two different emergencies.

The first was three winters ago. It was an extremely cold day and I had the heat in the car on as high as it would go. Son and I dropped off daughter at school, then got on the interstate to head up to the commissary. Half way there, all of a sudden, the passenger window imploded on us. As I mentioned, it was an extremely cold day. I was able to call husband to come trade cars and take mine in to get fixed by the dealer.

The second incident was this past summer. We were heading to a larger town about 35 minutes from us to go shopping. We took the back way to the interstate and ran up on a pickup truck loaded with bales of hay that was on fire. We figure one of the teens were probably smoking, flicked it out the window and it caught the hay in the back on fire. While husband ran up to make sure everyone was out of the truck and ok, I called 911. The fire was so large, it bubbled the pavement. How the truck didn't explode is beyond me.

So, in my opinion, cell phones can be a godsend. However, in the wrong hands, they can be a freaking nightmare. For instance, in a hospital's waiting room as was the case this past Thursday.

Now, I frequent my primary care clinic once a month, so unfortunately, I'm at our military hospital quite often anyway. However, with my new doc, he wants me to make the specialists rounds again to see if there is a chance surgery could be an option for me. So, I'm currently at the hospital even more than usual. Thursday I had an appointment with a GYN.

I arrive 15 minutes prior as requested. I check in and take a seat in the waiting room. There's a lady to my left on a cell phone. No big deal really. She's speaking softly. There are two women sitting across from cell phone lady who are making small talk and also speaking softly.

My name is called and I go back to have my blood pressure and weight taken. When that is done, the nurse asks me to have a seat back in the waiting room and as soon as the doc is ready, she'll call me. No biggie. After walking from the parking lot, then going to the wrong floor and finding my way to the OB/GYN clinic, I'm hurting pretty bad and sitting is just what I need.

I sit back down in the waiting room. Only now, cell phone lady thinks the rest of us are interested in her conversation. She's talking loud enough to wake the dead - not to mention grinding on my last damn nerve. Admittedly, when I'm hurting more than the norm from walking so far, my personality goes straight into bitch no matter how hard I try not to allow it.

Usually, I'm able to keep my bitchiness to myself. Thursday though, the clock in that waiting room starts moving slower and s l o w e r and with each second that ticks by, cell phone lady gets louder and louder and louder. The two ladies sitting across from her and to my right also seem to be annoyed at having to listen to the dramatics.

After what seemed to be an eternity of no escaping the torture of listening to her, cell phone lady increases the volume even more and says, "Weeeeeelllll, I told HIM, he better let me see my kids or I was going to have his wife arrested for assault and battery on my girls!!"

That was it. I'd had enough. Bitchiness exploded and before I could stop myself, I stood, looked at the two ladies who were also suffering and said, "I have to move. It's like sitting next to the fucking Jerry Springer Show. Damn!"

I moved to the other set of chairs at the very back of the clinic and although I can still hear the dumb ass, I'm no longer close enough to feel like her audience. One of the other ladies also moved and sat near me. We had a quiet conversation all the while, cell phone lady kept yakking on and on as if she were on a bull-horn instead of a cell phone.

What is wrong with people? What ever happened to manners and caring about the feelings of those around you?

One, cell phones shouldn't be used in a hospital. THERE ARE SIGNS everywhere stating, "please, no cell phones." If you cannot read, the picture of the cell phone in a circle with a slash over it should help.

Two, it's rude to expose complete strangers to your dysfunctional trailer park-esque personal problems. If we were even remotely interested in you OR your dirty laundry (both your current attire and your conversation), we'd strike up a conversation with you. The fact that people get up and MOVE AWAY from you should be a good indicator that you are as annoying as fingernails on a chalkboard.

Good grief.

Have an ounce of consideration for those around you by hanging up your phone and sparing us. Your conversation is not interesting. We do NOT think you OR your conversation is cute. However, we are quite positive you're a complete and total idiot.

The TRUTH about Iraq...

2005-12-02T14:58:00.000-08:00

I ran across the absolute BEST article this afternoon.

Confessions of a Military Recruiter wrote it and shares with us the truth about what is happening in Iraq including how many lives have been saved by our toppling Saddam Hussein and his brutal regime. If you read anything this weekend, be sure to stop by and read Things You'll Never Hear The Main Stream Media Say. Then, be sure to share the link with other folks too!

Hat tip: The Adventures of Mausergirl

Veterans Day...

2005-11-11T13:51:00.000-08:00

I drove up to the installation today to do some running around. On the interstate, some folks were on an overpass with American flags and pro-veterans signs. I honked as I went under and they waved...

Just like the last time I saw folks stand on the overpass with flags, it made me want to cry. It's always such a good feeling to see people supporting veterans, our military and our country.

My family has numerous veterans in it. My Grandfather was in the Navy during WWII at Guadalcanal. An uncle served 27 years in the Army and was in the Korean War. My Father was in the Air Force and was in Vietnam during Tet. My husband - well, you know all that.

Years ago, my father sent me some photos of his time in Vietnam. For a daughter who never even knew her father served, much less was in Vietnam during Tet until she was 16 - seeing photos really hit home. These weren't just any photos. These were of a C-130 that had been shot to hell and back during Tet.

Well, before my desktop died back in August, my zip drive in that computer died two years before that lol. The photos my Dad sent were of course stored on a zip disk. Dad came to visit back in August while husband was gone for training. He brought a memory stick for me that had a ton of photos on it, including the Vietnam photos. I thought for Veteran's Day - and as a tribute to my Father, I'd post them here.

This one is the front end of a C-130 that was shot up during Tet. My Dad said they were the best pilots in the world. Anyone else would have never gotten it home...

Here's the same plane. I'm pretty sure he told me that it'd caught fire too...

Just so hard to believe that anyone lived through that kind of damage, much less flew it back to Cam Rahn Bay.

Happy Veteran's Day to all our veterans, but especially to my Dad and my husband. My two most favorite people in the world.

No WMDs? Nah, just NO REPORTING...

2005-11-10T19:14:00.000-08:00

I am so tired of the "Bush Lied" agenda. I'm tired of hearing there were NO WMDs found in Iraq. If you search hard, you can find reports of WMDs being found in Iraq. The problem seems to be that there is just no reporting of the WMDs that have been found. The MSM cannot report it because it would interfere with their political agenda and hatred of all things Bush.

I've read several articles linked from Boortz's website concerning WMDs that have been found. The most recent, Saddam's 500-ton Uranium Stockpile. Yes, you read that correctly...500 ton.

So, you're tired of the "Bush Lied" agenda and no WMDS found rantings, but just don't have the time to search the internet for more information? Well, thankfully, we have Banter in Atlanter out there doing the research the rest of America needs to hear.

In his entry Copy and Paste, he explains:

Upon completing my response to the commenter's post I realized that the bottom of the so-called comment included the name Kevin Drum. A little Google action and I find that Kevin is a fellow blogger for Washington Monthly. So anyway it turns out that the commenter copied and pasted some of Kevin's work rather than using his own original thoughts, not a very rare occurrence these days but intellectually flaccid nonetheless.

The commenter posted in an entry titled Reality Check, The Facts About Pre-War Intelligence. Reading Banter in Atlanter's response will provide you with numerous links concerning WMDS found in Iraq, from gallons of chemical weapons agent to radioactive materials in powdered form.

I just cannot help but wonder, when a reporter is interviewing a "Bush Lied" parrot, why do they not confront them with these facts and ask how they can continue the "NO WMDs found" myth? I know, I've answered my own question at the start of this entry...

No matter what the topic, it seems that facts are always a problem for the liberals. It saddens me that the Bush Administration and our republican politicians aren't doing a better job of standing up for the truth and getting the facts out on the airways.

Another Military Stereotype Disproven

2005-11-09T07:59:00.000-08:00

I think everyone in America, whether affiliated with the military or not, know the stereotyping of our military (especially of our enlisted service members) that occurs - not only by politicians, but by the general public. There are many, but the most often repeated stereotype since the start of the GWOT seems to be that the poor, the ignorant and minorities make up our fighting forces.

It was a popular talking point of the left during the last election season. The left accused President Bush and republicans of wanting to bring back the draft to scare ignorant voters into voting democrat. Meanwhile, the liberals were actually the ones gasping that our poor and minorities disproportionately made up the military. Hence, they were shouldering the burdens of war while the middle class and privileged reaped the benefits without the sacrifice.

One of the most vocal democrats to harp this stereotype on Sunday morning talk shows, in newspapers and in Congress was Rep. Charles B. Rangel of New York. He wrote a piece for The New York Times detailing his accusations. In Bring Back the Draft, Rangel makes the following accusation:

But as a combat veteran of the Korean conflict, I believe that if we are going to send our children to war, the governing principle must be that of shared sacrifice. Throughout much of our history, Americans have been asked to shoulder the burden of war equally.

That's why I will ask Congress next week to consider and support legislation I will introduce to resume the military draft.

[.....]

Service in our nation's armed forces is no longer a common experience. A disproportionate number of the poor and members of minority groups make up the enlisted ranks of the military, while the most privileged Americans are underrepresented or absent.

Not only did I disagree with his stereotyping, I disagreed with his assertion that throughout history Americans had shouldered the burden equally. During the Vietnam War, the draft Rangel is so fond of failed miserably at making sure Americans shouldered the burden equally. All too often, the rich and politically connected were allowed to get their children out of military service, completely avoiding the draft. It was too easy for wimps like Clinton to flee the country and party abroad while their peers were fighting and dying in the jungles of Vietnam. So no, Mr. Rangel, there was no shared sacrifice. Then - unlike now, the poor and minorities were all too often the ones who could not escape military service - not to mention, they were more likely to feel an obligation to fulfill their duties to their country instead of trying to run and hide from it.

Well, as research often does, a study by the Heritage Foundation has dispelled the popular and often repeated stereotype. The Washington Times reports in their article Middle class filling up military, study says:

Middle-class youths, not the poor, are providing the bulk of wartime recruits to the armed forces, according to a new study by a conservative think tank.

The Heritage Foundation research paper found that a higher percentage of middle-class and upper-middle-class families have been providing enlistees for the war on Islamic militants since the September 11 attacks on the United States.

Of course, Mr. Rangel was not available for comment. Sure as I'm sitting here, if the study had proven his stereotyping correct, he'd have been giving a press conference. As is typical with the left, when their convenient theories are proven false, they just move on to the next "say anything for political gain" theory regardless of the truth or whether they've tried to find even ONE fact. Their ideas and agenda are more important than facts, you know.

Mr. Kane said overall evidence "is at odds with the image, painted by some supporters of the draft, that the military exploits poor, ignorant young Americans by using slick advertising that promises technical careers in the military to dupe them into trading their feeble opportunities in the private sector for a meager role as cannon fodder."

And that there is the main reason behind the stereotype. Regardless of whether they served their country, the simple fact is, many liberal democrats just don't LIKE the military. The military "dupes" people into service because, of course, NO person would WANT to serve their country. The poor pitiful poor have NO opportunities (because we, of course, don't have ANY programs to help the poor get into college or receive technical training) so they HAVE to join the military and that takes advantage of them...

The truth is:

The Heritage report states that median household income for all enlisted recruits in 1999 was $41,141, compared with the national median of $41,994. By 2003, the recruit household income reached $42,822, when adjusted for inflation.

"In other words, on average, recruits in 2003 were from wealthier neighborhoods than were recruits in 1999," said the report, titled, "Who Bears the Burden? Demographic Characteristics of U.S. Military Recruits Before and After 9/11."

Another stereotype, another leftist rant proven false...facts seem to never be good news for liberals.

Riots in France

2005-11-08T14:37:00.000-08:00

It seems that every blog has put in their two cents concerning France's big problems with rioting. So, to keep from repeating what better bloggers have already written, I'll keep this short.

The most interesting debate I've read concerns whether the riots are an intifada. There are an abundance of links that support that theory in this entry on Iris Blog: Evidence the "Paris Riots" Are Actually the "French Intifada".

I found this article to be quite amusing: Hurt pride shows as France sees world report riots. Personally, although I am sorry France is facing such unrest, I do think it's high time the French got a taste of their own medicine. Having to read other countries' opinions of THEIR country and how THEIR government is handling (or not handling) a crisis is just what the doctor ordered.

My only thought on this concerns the riots escalating. For the past day or so, I keep expecting to turn on the news and see reports about a bomb going off on a bus or a suicide bomber walking into a cafe and killing innocent French citizens. I worry that eventually burning cars and buildings will get old to these nuts and they will escalate the situation. France has never had any empathy for the Israelis and I'm afraid that soon, they too will know what it is like to live in fear of being murdered on their way to work by a fanatic with a bomb strapped to their chest. I hope I'm wrong, but if the French government doesn't put a stop to this mess and soon, things are only going to get worse...

Top Ten Reasons Given for Rioting in France

2005-11-07T17:50:00.000-08:00

I stopped by Turning 30 and a half to see how Sue is doing with NaNoWriMo. In the comments of one of the posts I found a link to West Coast Chaos who linked to the Top Ten...too funny folks. Stop by if you need a good laugh.

Top Ten Reasons Given for Rioting in France

I'll be honest though lol, I was sure the numero uno reason was going to be "It's Bush's Fault."

Be sure to read the comments too! To me, one of the comments was the funniest of all:
This can't be good - Chirac just appeared on TV wearing a Burka.

Couldn't quite tell what the camel behind him was doing, but he seemed to be enjoying himself . . .

Vive le Allah!

I was ROTFLMBO!!

Yep, This Fits lol...

2005-11-06T12:36:00.000-08:00

A wonderful friend sent this to me the other day. Thought someone reading might need a laugh, so I'm posting it.

This really fits my attitude these days lol...

What Muppet are you?

2005-11-02T08:15:00.000-08:00

You are Sam the Eagle.
You are patriotic and devoted. And extremely anal.

HOBBIES:
Patriotism, Being appalled at what everyone else is
doing.
FAVORITE MUSIC:
The National Anthem of America

FAVORITE MOVIE:
"An American In....America"

LAST BOOK READ:
"Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus,
Eagles are from America"

QUOTE:
"Please stop that now! It's un-American!"

What Muppet are you?
brought to you by Quizilla

Ughhh, nausea....

2005-10-31T13:52:00.000-08:00

So, I left the doc on Friday with five separate prescriptions - nah I didn't wait too long to go or anything lol. One of them is making me so nauseous though, I could cry. The problem is, I have no clue which one is doing it lol. Bleh. I hate feeling like this. It just hits me out of the blue and I'm hanging my head over the potty. So, I traded coughing so hard I get sick to just sitting here and feeling sick lol. Yeah me LMBO! If it doesn't ease up in another day or two, I'll call my doc for sure.

The antibiotic is already working though...I'm finally feeling better as far as the cough and congestion is concerned. And I'm taking it with food AND milk, so I don't think that is what is making me sick. I've had this particular antibiotic before and it made my tummy hurt if I didn't take it with milk, but not nauseous...oh well, hopefully the upset tummy feeling will go away here soon. Stinks to actually feel half-way decent for the first time in weeks but keep having bouts of nausea lol.

It's always something lol...

Chelsea Dog 1994 - 2005

2005-10-31T13:44:00.000-08:00

Our little dog Chelsea passed away Friday. Husband came home while I was at the doctor, found her and buried her. I'm so thankful he was home...it would have been even harder on our little ones had they been here :(.

Our house feels so empty without her. She was the barker, the one that always let you know she was around and if anyone else was around ;). Our big dog rarely barks now...and without Chelsea dog following me around the house, it sure is lonely.

May God give her a soft bed to sleep on in Heaven and lots of love until we meet again...

I sure do miss you Chelsea dog...

Sick of being SICK and other whines....

2005-10-28T08:24:00.000-07:00

Yep, I'm STILL sick. I had an appointment on Monday with my new, new doc (long story). I called yesterday to see if I could get in to see him today. Lady said no appointments for him, so I said I'd keep my appointment for Monday. Not thirty minutes later, my cell rang and it was the clinic nurse. She said my new new doc wouldn't be there Monday, but my new doc (got that?) would be back and I could see him on Tuesday. I explained I'd just tried to get in to see new new doc on Friday and she said, yeah you do sound awful, what's going on? I explained I'd had this sinus/cough thing for WEEKS now and I can't get rid of it. That I cough so hard I've puked up my regular medication (not good) and I'm generally sick of being sick.

So, she set me up with a PA I've seen before (idiot - or was three years ago, the last time I saw this guy), said that she didn't know if he'd refill my regular medication, but if he did, to stop by her office so she could cancel my appointment on Tuesday.

Next week is going to SUCK. Lets see, Saturday we're going to an all day BBQ with over 60 people attending. Monday is Halloween. Tuesday, doc appointment and FRG meeting (still leader unfortunately - another long story) that night, Wednesday is teacher conferences for daughter, Thursday I have to be in COURT (got subpoenaed two days ago because of our ELECTRICIAN of all things, another long story) then Thursday night I have to go to a pre-deployment briefing that's suppose to last HOURS....

Ughhh! And I feel like shit....did I mention that lol?

I have always HATED to go to the doc. Now my life revolves around them and I am just so fed up right now. I'm sure this guy is going to be an ass and say I have to come back on Tuesday to see my new doc. I already have to go to the doc once a month for checkups and my medication, having to go twice in less than a week just jerks my damn chain.

On top of all this, our small dog is sick. She's been having these spells where she wobbles and doesn't know where she is or what she's doing. She had another this morning and hasn't moved from the dog bed in front of the TV since 7 this morning. I'm afraid she's had a stroke...gosh we've had her for 11 years. My heart just doesn't want to face losing her :(.

Damn doctors, being sick and life sucking lol. Someone wake me up please...this can't be my life... sniff sniff LMBO!

Five Years Ago Today....

2005-10-18T13:36:00.000-07:00

We lived in Alaska at the time. Several months prior, we'd moved into post housing (the ONLY time we've ever lived on base and only time we ever will lol) after finding out I was pregnant with our second child. I had a job I LOVED and I was able to work from home. The company was out of Pittsburg, PA. Due to the time difference, I'd get up at 5 in the morning, get online and get to work.

Five years ago today, my day started like any other. I kissed husband good-bye, sat down at my desk and got to work at about 10 after five. I still had two hours before daughter would wake up and my main job would start ;). Our baby was due three weeks from then, but I'd be going in the next week for a scheduled c-section. MIL was flying up that coming weekend, so she could stay with our daughter while we were at the hospital. So, this week was going to be busy. I had to write several articles so my deadlines could be met while I recouped from the surgery and I had to get my house spotless before baby and MIL arrived.

Not long after getting settled into work, I noticed my belly was hurting off and on. My best friend called me that morning around 9 and for three hours, we stayed on the phone timing contractions. At first they were 15 minutes apart, then 10, then 8. By the time husband arrived home for lunch, they were five minutes apart. He called up to OB/GYN and they said to come on in.

Long story short, I was in labor. The doc was great. She said I could either stay and she'd go ahead and do the c-section at 6 pm that evening or I could go home and probably be back at the hospital around 2 in the morning when the contractions got so bad I couldn't stand it any longer lol. We decided to stay lol. There was no way I was going to deliver on my own - three days of labor with daughter confirmed that. I saw no need to go through hours and hours of labor when I didn't have to.

At 6:24 pm, October 18, 2000, we welcomed our little guy into the world. Our family has been so blessed by his arrival. He has the kindest heart of anyone I know. He's been blessed with the gift of humor and not only loves to laugh, he loves to make all of us laugh. He is such a loving person and I am a better person for having been lucky enough for God to choose me to be his Mother.

Happy Birthday little guy. We love you so very much!!

Sorry for the absence...

2005-10-17T23:53:00.000-07:00

The school year has officially started now that daughter has brought home a nasty cold/flu bug and dutifully gave it to the rest of us lol. We were all starting to feel a lot better last week. Starting yesterday though, husband was back to coughing, being congested and feeling like crap. I woke up this morning following suit. I had some running around to do today and just couldn't get going. So tomorrow, regardless of how I feel, I'll have to go get it all done.

Other than all of us trying to get healthy, nothing much else has been going on around here. Husband is still working long hours. If it isn't due to getting things ready for the deployment, it is a handful of useless soldiers doing anything they can think of to try and get out of deploying. Poor guy has really had his plate full the past month or so.

Here soon a new commander is taking over, so I am really hoping it will make husband's job a bit easier. The good thing for me is the fact that the new commander is married to a really nice and caring lady. Why is this good for me? It means I no longer have to be the FRG Leader lol!! WoooHOO! Much cause for celebration :). Of course I'll still help do anything she needs me to do, but she'll be leading and I'll be behind the scenes. Gosh I can't begin to explain what a huge relief this is....

We do have a new addition to our family. One of my friends had purchased a white Persian kitten. I was telling my husband about her new kitten one night. The conversation turned into how I'd always wanted a Siamese or a Himalayan. When I was six months old, mother had brought home a Siamese kitten. He was a part of our family until he passed away when I was 15 years old. He was so intelligent and loving.

After a lot of talking and searches on the internet, husband and I fell in love with the Himalayan. He went to work and asked around to see if anyone knew someone who had kittens. Several of his coworkers started searches of their own to help us find one. Husband and I searched the local papers and found one an hour away (they wanted a small fortune for it) and another two hours away, but it was a Persian, not a Himalayan. We decided to keep looking instead of paying an arm and a leg or driving two hours for a regular Persian. I'm so thankful we did...

Two or three weeks into the search, one of husband's coworkers found a litter of Himalayans in a neighboring town. They, too, wanted a small fortune for them, but we knew they were on the expensive side from what we'd read on the internet. Husband went the day we found out about them and picked out a male. We welcomed him into our family on September 26th. He was born on June 28th, so he was around 13 weeks old.

He is the most beautiful little thing I think I've ever seen! My goodness, we all catch ourselves just sitting here staring at him because he's so pretty :). He's a blue point Himalayan and has the sweetest big blue eyes. He also has a wonderful personality. His favorite thing is to be held like a baby lol! Our children can carry him around the house, hold him and play with him and he's just so gentle. He hasn't scratched anyone - whereas our orange tabby tomcat (who has been "de-manned" lol) had scratched us all when he was a baby by attacking our feet when we walked or trying to climb our legs lol. Our new baby seems to be the complete opposite of our tomcat. He's so easy going and calm. Early in the morning he likes to rip and roar through the house playing with our female cat, but otherwise he's eating or sleeping lol.

There is nothing as sweet as holding him like a baby, rubbing him under his chin (his favorite spot) and listening to him purr. He'll try so hard to keep his eyes open and stay awake (reminds me of our son when he was a baby and would fight sleep with everything he had lol), but his purr will eventually fade and he'll fall asleep. I could sit here and hold him all day if I didn't have other things I had to do lol. Nah, this baby isn't going to be spoiled lolol!

Well, it's now really late and I need to get to bed. I have to do all my running around tomorrow and between this cold I can't seem to get rid of and the insomnia, tomorrow is probably going to be an extremely
L O N G day...

Waiting For My Order to Arrive...

2005-09-26T10:49:00.000-07:00

Well, for the first time, I ordered some things from Amazon.com last week. I'm hoping the items will arrive today or tomorrow.

I was channel surfing one day last week and ran across Oprah. I've never been big on talk shows, so I rarely ever watch them. Once in a while Montel will have something on that I want to see, but other than that, I'm not a huge fan of the format.

When I flipped to Oprah, she was talking about surprising a woman in the audience. It looked interesting, so I continued to watch. Turns out, Oprah was introducing her latest choice of reading for her book club. She described a book that kept her up two nights in a row because she couldn't put it down. She said the staff would come in and ask what page each were on so they could discuss what they'd read. She made this book out to sound really incredible. The fact the book was non-fiction and about the author's own experiences added to my interest. And, the woman in the audience Oprah was surprising? It turned out to be the mother of the author of the book.

I was sold. I would join millions of others going out to buy a book because Oprah said so lol.

I went to search for the book on Amazon and quickly found it. I was pretty surprised to learn what exactly the author's experiences involved; what the book was about. It just didn't "fit" my idea of a book that would interest Oprah, much less her demographic.

I ordered A Million Little Pieces. While there, I decided to search for a CD I've been wanting, but never can find in any music stores. I found it and also ordered Mahalia Jackson's CD - 16 Most Requested Songs.

If you've never heard Mahalia Jackson, you're missing out. You don't have to be a huge Gospel fan to enjoy her music. She really just touches your soul and it's rare for people to hear her music and not get goose bumps - she's that talented.

So, that's the story for today. Just looking forward to my new CD and the book to arrive...

And if anyone else is planning on reading the book and would like to discuss it between blogs - let me know! It might be fun...

Grisly discovery gives Stuttgart students

2005-09-24T21:57:00.000-07:00

a lesson on the Holocaust:

The discovery was made Monday by contractors hired by the 6th Area Support Group, which manages the airfield property. They were digging in the area as part of renovation to the base’s main security gate.

Five skeletal remains were found Monday, and 29 more on Tuesday. They were found in shallow graves side by side. German police said there was evidence some had been buried alive by the positions of their bodies.

Further Reading:
Jewish groups debate fate of possible remains of Holocaust victims

Daily Reads

2005-09-24T12:34:00.000-07:00

It's been a while since I updated the links in "My Favorites" on the right side. Since husband is watching Penn State play, I thought it was the perfect time to do some updating around here ;). Instead of just linking on the right, I'm going to list the new additions here and explain what I like about each.

This isn't a new addition, but always worth mentioning. Each weekday morning when I get online, after I check my email, my first stop without fail is Neal Boortz's Nealz Nuze. It's my absolute favorite site. Not only is his commentary worth-while reading, but his "Reading Assignments" are always full of interesting news articles and editorials. Definitely a good place to start each morning to see what is happening in our country and around the world.

After I read Boortz, my next stop is my new favorite blog Grouchy Old Cripple in Atlanta. His take on current events is straight forward and he calls it like he sees it. Not only are his blog entries great, but I enjoy reading the comments on each post too. If a troll dares to put in his/her two cents, the readers of GOC's blog generally take care of it. GOC himself also lets the trolls know of their stupidity in no uncertain terms.

Now, each Saturday he does an entry called "Saturday Boobage." I guess it's a guy thing and since I'm not a guy, it doesn't interest me in the least. Other than that though, I find the rest of GOC's blog entertaining and great reading.

I've ran across several blogs in the past few weeks that I've found to be consistently good reading. Regular updates, great links, good commentary etc. So, I'm adding them to my favorites and listing them here with a small description from their blog.

Reaganites Unite
A place on the web holding to the ideals of the most effective conservative of our lives, with news, commentary, satire, and links to the greater blogosphere.

Noble Eagle
Views on life, culture, politics, national security and such.

Radio Blogger
What is the radio blogger, you ask? On the air, I'm known as Generalissimo Duane, the producer of the nationally syndicated Hugh Hewitt Show, which is heard in more than seventy markets on the Salem Radio Network. This site is going to be a little different than Mr. Hewitt's, however. There are a lot of times when things happen during the course of a radio show that don't get aired. Blogging allows me to let all of you take a look behind the curtain and read a little about what goes on behind the scenes. There will be some snide and sarcastic commentary when appropriate, a little jousting from some of our blogger friends...

The Counterterrorism Blog
The first multi-expert blog dedicated solely to counterterrorism issues, serving as a gateway to the community for policymakers and serious researchers. Designed to provide realtime information about terrorism cases and policy developments.

I have several more, but I've ran out of time. I'll try to get them added tonight or tomorrow though. Hope you enjoy these...

Politics Test...

2005-09-23T20:25:00.000-07:00

I ran across this tonight and thought it was an interesting test. If you decide to take it, be sure to add a link to your blog in the comments so we can see your results too!

You are a
Social Moderate
(50% permissive)

and an...
Economic Conservative
(80% permissive)

You are best described as a:

Capitalist

Link: The Politics Test on OkCupid Free Online Dating

Sheehan's True Colors Shining Through

2005-09-18T11:13:00.000-07:00

Drudge linked the following headline:

CINDY SHEEHAN CALLS FOR U.S TO 'PULL OUR TROOPS OUT OF OCCUPIED NEW ORLEANS'

Within, he quotes Sheehan's latest moonbat diatribe she'd made at the Huffington Post and on Michael Moore's website.

I decide to following the link to Huffington's site. I'd read a post of Sheehan's at the site a few weeks ago. I was pretty disgusted to see, at that time, the majority of people were falling all over themselves to call Sheehan a "hero" and tell her how wonderful she is.

I was pretty surprised today to read the comments on Sheehan's post A Bright Spot in Bush World Amid the Miserable Failures on the Same Planet. Seems that today, more people are seeing Sheehan for what she really is - and calling her on it. Two pages of comments to this post and well worth the read....

"Freedom Fighters" - Yeah. Right.

2005-09-13T19:21:00.000-07:00

Yeah, these "freedom fighters" are so admirable...

A U.S. Army commander said Tuesday that extremist fighters battling for control of Tal Afar in northern Iraq had committed atrocities against civilians, including beheadings, torture and the booby-trapping of a murdered child's body.

"The enemy here did just the most horrible things you can imagine — in one case murdering a child, placing a booby trap within the child's body and waiting for the parent to come recover the body of their child and exploding it to kill the parents; beheadings and so forth," Col. H.R. McMaster, commander of the 3rd Armored Cavalry Regiment, said in an interview from Tal Afar with reporters at the Pentagon.

Just keep reminding yourself that our press and liberal friends don't consider these pigs TERRORISTS. No, they are militants and FREEDOM fighters don't ya know...

U.S. Raids Militant Stronghold in Iraq

Sheehan and her Ilk - Why They Want a Vietnam Part II

2005-09-01T08:23:00.000-07:00

I feel sorry for her son. If he were to know how she is acting and the lying, treasonous, leftist talking points she is spewing, I'm sure (from what I've read about the young man) he'd be heartbroken, angry and most likely, feel betrayed. However, what can we expect from a woman who tried to talk her soldier son into fleeing to Canada to avoid his responsibilities to his country and just as importantly, his responsibilities to his fellow soldiers? It's not as though our country drafted a pacifist here. This young man did honorably volunteer.

Sheehan seems to forget that her son CHOSE to not only join the Army, but to reenlist. Apparently, he enjoyed the Army or he would have gotten out - not re-upped. The Army was lucky to have a man like him among its ranks! It is young men like him coming in the military today with his drive, his patriotism, his morals, his ability to see right and wrong (and many other positive attributes) that is not only the future of the US Army, but the future of our great nation.

It is men of bravery like SPC Casey Sheehan who will be the great leaders of tomorrow. It is people like his mother who use lies, half-truths and distortions to get their 15 minutes of fame. They prove by their actions they are spineless and have no empathy for other human beings (especially brutalized people suffering under a dictator). Cindy Sheehan is just a 2005 version of people like Jane Fonda who betrayed the men dying for their country in Vietnam. She is just another John Kerry with the lies and half-truths he spewed before the Senate Foreign Relations Committee on April 22, 1971.

SPC Sheehan paid the ultimate price. His sacrifice deserves this nation's utmost respect and gratitude. How does his own mother show the respect she has for her son? She says the terrorists are "freedom fighters" and:

...[U.S. troops] have created more terrorism by going to an Islamic country," Sheehan complained to CBS Newsman Mark Knoller.

I read that today and it sickened me. Apparently, Sheehan has had her head stuck in the proverbial sand and has no knowledge of Iraq's terrorism ties...ties the country had long before we toppled the murderous dictator who had tortured his own people for decades. Nah, he never paid the families of suicide bombers in Palestine. There wasn't a fuselage in the middle of the desert in Iraq to train terrorists how to hijack airplanes. Nope, Saddam never allowed an injured terrorist into Iraq for medical care and allowed him to stay. And of course, there are NO reports of terrorists meeting with some of Saddam's henchmen...terrorists that were involved in September 11th.

Vietnam Part II
It's no secret that anti-war demonstrators during the Vietnam War directly led to more American deaths. A former NVA officer wrote a book some years back stating that the NVA leadership knew that they could never win on the battlefield. However, if they held on long enough, America would lose the war at home and be forced to withdraw. I've searched for the NVA Officer's name and the title of the book, but failed to find it - and for the life of me, I cannot remember it. If anyone knows, please post it in the comments and I'll update this post.

Sheehan and ilk like her, compare Iraq to Vietnam because they want Operation Iraqi Freedom to become another Vietnam. These protestors, once again, are being supported and funded by anti-American groups that prefer another form of government to capitalism and democracy (such as communism or socialism for example). Just as these types of groups cared nothing about the Vietnamese people, they don't really care about Iraq, dead soldiers and Marines - or Iraqi civilians being killed daily by terrorists. Despite what they say, the only thing they really care about is their own agenda.

Their objective? To repeat history. These traitors dream of thousands and thousands with their same sickening view of America, marching on Washington, chanting idiotic slogans, signs that read as though their Al Qaeda friends had written them themselves - and forcing Bush to crumble under anti-war pressure and withdraw our troops.

They hope that our current pitiful excuse for a media will play along for this generation as well as they did for the peaceniks of the late 60s. Thus far, the press seems all too willing to go along. PFC Lyndie England is a perfect example. Poll Americans and I'm sure the majority will know her name and what the low-life did to become so "famous." The MSM sure covered this story. Boy, did they ever cover this story. On the flip side of this coin, poll them about SFC Paul Smith. I doubt most will know who he is and what a hero he was - much less that he is the first servicemember to be awarded the Medal of Honor in Operation Iraqi Freedom. I guess this story, the MSM didn't see fit to cover. Want to see for yourself? Do a quick google search for PFC Lyndie England. Notice within the first ten results, you'll find a story about her from not only usatoday.com, but also cbsnews.com. Now, do a google search for SFC Paul Smith. Notice not one MSM article can be found in the first ten results? Now, please tell me the MSM does a good job of being fair and balanced not only towards Operation Iraqi Freedom, but towards our military.

Sheehan and her ilk dream of another Tet, where a popular journalist (such as Cronkite was in his day), announces to the country that we have lost this war...despite the fact that Tet was a horrible defeat for the enemy on the battlefield. In this anti-war type of reality, an American success on the battlefield is reported as an utter failure and the enemy wins despite the facts or the truth...

These anti-war ilk scream they can, "support our troops while not supporting this war."

No. You cannot.

Why?

It only takes a little knowledge of history, with a dash of common sense to know. You cannot support our troops AND protest the war without encouraging our enemies - and discouraging every-day Iraqis. How many Iraqis are going to assist coalition troops in pointing out the terrorists if they fear (due to "all" the anti-war demonstrations or the same ones covered over and over again thanks to the MSM) we are going to pull out and leave them at the mercy of terrorists?

Unlike Sheehan and her fellow ilk, our terrorist enemies DO KNOW HISTORY - especially our history. They know what happened in Vietnam. They know the large part the anti-war movement played in our abandoning the South Vietnamese, not to mention breaking our promise of continued support monetarily and militarily with arms and ammunition after we pulled our troops out.

Just as the anti-war crowd hopes to end a war with protests (not victories on the battlefield of course), our terrorist enemies most likely watch the news coverage after every one of their attacks. Their goal is to keep killing long enough that the protestors will grow in numbers after each terror attack. These terrorists believe as the North Vietnamese believed in their time: "We don't need to win military victories, we only need to hit them until they give up and get out."

Again, these enemies understand history and hope to repeat it. And since both the protestors and the terrorists are striving to achieve the same goal, they both can be considered enemies of America in my opinion. As the protesters try to gain more coverage and make more noise, the terrorists will strive to add more fuel to the fire in the form of more deaths of U.S. soldiers. Each time Cindy gets a mic in her hand, she is helping take another son or daughter from their mother. If that Mother doesn't agree with Cindy? Well, according to Cindy herself,

How can these moms who still support George Bush and his insane war in Iraq want more innocent blood shed just because their sons or daughters have been killed' I don't understand it. I don't understand how any mother could want another mother to feel the pain we feel. I am starting to lose a little compassion for them. I know they have been as brainwashed as the rest of America, but they know the pain and heartache and they should not wish it on another. However, I still feel their pain so acutely and pray for these 'continue the murder and mayhem' moms to see the light.

There you have it. Although Cindy is encouraging the terrorists to kill more soldiers and Marines, she calls these grieving Mothers "Murder and Mayhem" moms. Truly sickening.

She goes on to say

In taking Camp Casey to Congress we are creating problems for the very people who voted to give George the authority to invade an innocent country and cause the deaths of so many people.

Invade an innocent country...

Even France and Russia (with their hands in the Oil for Food cookie jar) didn't consider Iraq an innocent country. She forgets that we were enforcing a no-fly zone prior to this war and this innocent country tried to shoot down our planes daily. I'll politely remind Cindy that these planes are flown by someone's son or daughter. I'm sure, somehow, us enforcing the UN mandated no-fly zones and putting pilots' lives on the line was Bush's fault too, even though it was started long before Bush or even Clinton took office. Nah, it's probably America's fault. Cindy and her ilk believe everything is America's and/or Bush's fault.

The Aftermath
So, what happens if the current anti-war protesters get their way as their late '60s counterparts did in Vietnam? What happens if we pull out of Iraq and leave the Iraqi people to fight the terrorists themselves with no American assistance?

Once again, we need to look no further than history to gain some insight into these questions.

On January 27, 1973, the US and North Vietnam signed a peace agreement. In two years, the North would invade South Vietnam. In 55 days, the south would fall to the communist north.

End of story, right?

Maybe the end to some - like our noble, "stop the slaughter" anti-war protesters. However, it was just the beginning "of the slaughter" for those in the South who had fought so hard to defend their freedom and democracy - those who had fought along side Americans.

Even after our troop withdrawal in 1973, Jane Fonda and her ilk kept the pressure on Congress in the form of the Indochina Peace Coalition. Nixon had promised continued support for the South. In the event the North broke the peace agreement, Nixon promised the US would come to their assistance. Unfortunately, Congress voted against further funding and our South Vietnamese friends were left to fight alone, with little ammunition. I cannot begin to imagine the terror these people felt knowing they were on their own and now at the mercy of the communist North.

James Webb gives us a glimpse into the reality of the South Vietnamese during this time in this 2003 article, (emphasis mine)Sleeping With the Enemy:

On the battlefields of Vietnam the elimination of all U.S. logistical support was stunning and unanticipated news. South Vietnamese commanders had been assured of material support as the American military withdrew—the same sort of aid the U.S. routinely provided allies from South Korea to West Germany—and of renewed U.S. air strikes if the North attacked the South in violation of the 1973 Paris Peace Accords. Now they were staring at a terrifyingly uncertain future, even as the Soviets continued to assist the Communist North.

As the shocked and demoralized South Vietnamese military sought to readjust its forces to cope with serious shortages, the newly refurbished North Vietnamese immediately launched a major offensive. Catching many units out of position, the North rolled down the countryside over a 55-day period. In the ensuing years I have interviewed South Vietnamese survivors of these battles, many of whom spent ten years and more in Communist concentration camps after the war. The litany is continuous: "I had no ammunition." "I was down to three artillery rounds per tube per day." "I had nothing to give my soldiers." "I had to turn off my radio because I could no longer bear to hear their calls for help."

These people were slaughtered. The attitude of the anti-war left?

The rhetoric of the antiwar Left during these debates was filled with condemnation of America’s war-torn allies, and promises of a better life for them under the Communism that was sure to follow. Then-Congressman Christopher Dodd typified the hopeless naiveté of his peers when he intoned that "calling the Lon Nol regime an ally is to debase the word.... The greatest gift our country can give to the Cambodian people is peace, not guns. And the best way to accomplish that goal is by ending military aid now." Tom Downey, having become a foreign policy expert in the two months since being freed from his mother’s apron strings, pooh-poohed the coming Cambodian holocaust that would kill more than one-third of the country’s population, saying, "The administration has warned that if we leave there will be a bloodbath. But to warn of a new bloodbath is no justification for extending the current bloodbath."

A better life under communist rule? I guess today's anti-war left feels the Iraqis would be better off under "insurgents" (remembering we cannot call them terrorists) rule. Makes as much sense now as it did then... It's just unbelievable that these people who enjoy freedom every day of their lives would support the denying of freedom to others!!

And, to top it all off, what was their reaction when the North invaded South Vietnam?

For those who had evaded the war and come of age believing our country was somehow evil, even as they romanticized the intentions of the Communists, these few weeks brought denials of their own responsibility in the debacle, armchair criticisms of the South Vietnamese military, or open celebrations. At the Georgetown University Law Center where I was a student, the North’s blatant discarding of the promises of peace and elections contained in the 1973 Paris Accords, followed by the rumbling of North Vietnamese tanks through the streets of Saigon, was treated by many as a cause for actual rejoicing.

Open celebrations? People are massacred, tortured and put in concentration camps and they celebrate? If that doesn't tell you everything you need to know about the type of people who are anti-war protesters...

And of those anti-war idiots, if they thought communism was so wonderful and peaceful and America so evil, why did they not MOVE to North Vietnam or another communist nation?

Another common factor for leftist anti-war ilk? It's always someone else's fault. No one has any responsibility for their own actions. No, it is ALWAYS another's doing. Notice this line from above? "these few weeks brought denials of their own responsibility in the debacle, armchair criticisms of the South Vietnamese military...."

Conclusion
This turned into a "three days of writing" entry and I apologize for the length. However, I felt a deep look into history and those who hope to repeat it was needed. I needed to get all this off my chest and from within my heart.

Sheehan and those with her want us to pull out our troops TODAY. Gee, that sounds so groovy ya know, but what of the Iraqis? Do they not care that history is in the making for Iraq? A constitution, free elections, FREEDOM without fear of disappearing in the night only for your family to find your head hanging from a gate in your front yard the next morning? They just don't care about the Iraqis? They aren't worth the fight?

History shows us that we're looking at a massacre of innocent men, women and children if we abandon them. Anyone who worked with the coalition - even if it was disposing of trash, the police and military, election workers and all of their families - they all will most likely be killed.

And what happens to us? These "pull out our troops today" anti-war ilk do realize that if we leave Iraq before it can protect itself, it will become another Taliban-like state where terrorists will be able to train and recruit freely. Oh, and they'll be sitting on millions of dollars of oil to fund their terror attacks. How long before we're digging our friends and families out of the rubble of malls? How long until Sarin gas is released in our subways - or in our schools? We already know that terrorists have no problem shooting CHILDREN in the back as they run for their lives!

Yeah, keep demonstrating...but consider, just for a moment in between your ranting and chanting, what the ramifications of repeating history will do.

Communists didn't follow us home to kill us all or convert us. Terrorists will....

Sick Bastards...

2005-08-24T22:46:00.000-07:00

The leftist America Haters in this country will do and say anything for a headline. So, I guess I shouldn't have been surprised when I read this flash on Drudge tonight:

ANTI-WAR PROTESTERS TARGET WOUNDED AT ARMY HOSPITAL
Wed Aug 2005 24 21:20:05 ET

Anti-war protestors besieged wounded and disabled soldiers at Walter Reed Hospital in Washington, D.C, a new web report will claim!

CNSNews.com is planning to run an expose on Thursday featuring interviews with both protestors and veterans, as well as shots of protest signs with slogans like “Maimed for a Lie.”

The conservative outlet will post video evidence of the wounded veterans being taunted by protesters, the DRUDGE REPORT has learned.

Developing late...

Sick bastards. There is a special place in hell for these people...

The Big Red One Returns...

2005-07-27T12:33:00.000-07:00

We spent several years at Fort Riley and I have to say, husband and I both loved it there. We still have close friends who call Fort Riley home - and we hope to one day possibly move back to the area. The post and the area is rich with history! From Custer to Patton - to Eisenhower's hometown being a short drive west...if you have a love for history like I do, you would truly enjoy Fort Riley.

One of my friends sent me an email this morning with a link to an article. She said, "Guess Christmas will come early for you this year lol!" She knows my feelings about bringing home our troops from Germany and other ungrateful countries. Bring those dollars back to America and tell Germany and their hate America mindset to kiss off.

She was correct...it did feel a bit like Christmas when I read the headline:

It's Official: Big Red One Returns

WASHINGTON -- U.S. Sen. Pat Roberts, R-Kan., and U.S. Representative Jim Ryun, R-Kan., officially announced today that the Department of Defense will move the 1st Infantry Division headquarters, the Big Red One, back to Fort Riley in 2006. The Big Red One is the oldest continuously-serving division in the Army, and is currently stationed in Germany.

Roberts said when BRAC recommendations were announced in May, he thought that the Big Red One would most likely return.

"Today, it is a reality. In looking forward, I have placed the Army flag next to the Kansas and American flags outside my Washington office," he said. "It will be there ready, holding the place for the division flag when it returns home to Kansas."

The Secretary of Defense's plan to restructure its global presence also includes placing three of the 1st Infantry Division's Brigade Combat Teams at Fort Riley. Roberts said the three Brigade Combat Teams will consist of two heavy, of 3,900 soldiers each, and one light brigade, of 3,600 soldiers.

This action is in addition to the Base Realignment and Closure (BRAC) recommendations to move supporting units and a Multi Functional Aviation Brigade to Fort Riley, according to a press release from Roberts' office.

Ryan said today's announcement speaks volumes to the asset the military has in Fort Riley and the level of professionalism of the men and women stationed there.

"With this announcement today, the Army has made it clear what we have known all along -- that Fort Riley is truly the crown jewel of the United States Army," Ryun said. "It has been a long awaited return for everyone involved in this process, but today our perseverance has been rewarded."

Welcome Home 1st Infantry Division...Fort Riley and the surrounding communities look forward to welcoming you back to America's Warfighting Center.

Hanoi Jane II...

2005-07-27T12:00:00.000-07:00

A few months ago, I posted a small rant about the traitor. I said,

Hell I'm surprised this scum of the earth isn't touring in the middle east appearing on Al Jazeera calling our troops today murderers. Rest assured that is what this whore thinks.

And, I was right. She's planning a tour to protest the war in Iraq. Guess she wants to make sure no generation is safe from her hatred of America and the wonderful people who defend our country. I ran across The Bitch On The Bus via Grouchy Old Cripple's blog and it made my blood boil.

We cannot allow this traitor to get away with this crap again. I'll be watching for her to come to a city near me. Even if I'm the only one there with a sign that says the TRUTH about this traitor, I'll stand there ALONE - PROUDLY yelling "TRAITOR GO HOME, YOU HAVE ENOUGH BLOOD ON YOUR HANDS!"

She got away with labeling my father's generation. Many who were DRAFTED for crying out loud and had NO CHOICE and STILL defended this nation to the best of their ability. This bitch will NOT get away with labeling my husband and all those serving with him today...she WILL NOT!!

Happy Birthday Dear....

2005-06-01T16:43:00.000-07:00

Well, today isn't his birthday, but it's soon. I purchased him a military print that you can view here if you're interested. Now, I know I'm a hick, but I'd never had anything professionally framed. I ordered it while he was in the field and took it to a place last week thinking it'd only take them a few days to frame it. I was horrified when the guy told me it would take two weeks. I explained my situation (that I'm STU-PID lol), that he was gone last year and will be gone next year and I wanted to do something special for him. This guy - all I can say is, he was WONDERFUL. He had the stuff overnighted and called me this morning that it was ready. He had said that he couldn't put matting around it or it would cover up the name of the print etc. Well, when I got there this morning, he said he'd put matting on it and around the title of the painting at the bottom it was cut out....OMGosh it looked BEAUTIFUL. So, I'll be emailing the home office and letting them know that Ted is a great employee who went above and beyond to help one of his customers. He really saved the day.

I dropped it off to husband today and he was thrilled. It was something he'd talked about a while ago and I stored the info away for a special occasion :). It felt so good to do something nice for him....

We had FOUR entire days together this past weekend...and his cell only rang ONCE in the middle of the night. A plus was, he didn't have to get up and go to work or get someone out of jail lol...just give a few directions over the phone lol. We had a wonderful time together this past weekend and I am now counting down days until I have him all to myself for two entire weeks when he goes on leave!!

His Other Present :)
The Ford Dealership had a black 05 Mustang sitting out there for a week or so that we'd been eyeing during the long weekend lol. Monday, we stopped and looked after joking about it off and on all day Sunday. Within an hour of looking at it, the new 'Stang was sitting out in front of the house with me telling husband Happy Birthday and Father's Day :).

It's BEAUTIFUL!!! 5 in the floor, charcoal gray leather interior, six disk CD in the dash....and although I prefer a V8 in my muscle cars lol, that darn V-6 will haul ass fo' sho' lol. I love my SUV, but I have to admit, after driving it around on Tuesday to get the DoD stickers and order him a personalized tag (I convinced him that a car like that HAD to have a personalized tag lol)- my SUV isn't as much fun to drive as it used to be lol. I keep joking that I'll be trading mine in next year for the new 06 Shelby LMBO!

I hope he's going to have a great birthday this year...he works so hard, he deserves it. He couldn't justify buying a new car "just for him," but like I told him, you go to work at 430 or so in the morning, you work until 9 or later most nights, at the VERY least, you should damn well be able to enjoy your ride to work and your ride home :). And, since I have a Power of Attorney that lets me do just about everything but have surgery performed on him lol, I was buying it with his John Hancock or with mine :).

Happy Birthday Dear. I love you so very much and I'm so proud to be your wife....

You know your husband works long hours when...

2005-05-25T15:00:00.000-07:00

So I met my across the street neighbor this past Saturday. I had bent the blade on the lawnmower (hit a stump)so I had taken it off and used a sledge hammer to straighten it (I know, but it beat the heck out of a trip to the hardware store lol - plan to do that tomorrow). She stopped during the fiasco to say Hi. They moved in during the winter, so we hadn't had a chance to meet one another yet.

We're talking and she says, "So your husband is in the Army?" I said yes, he'd been in for a while. She says, "He sure is gone a lot. Does he only comes home on the weekends?"

I about fell over laughing. I told her no, he was home every night except right now while he is in the field, but it's usually 9 or 10 pm when he gets in - then he's gone again at the crack of dawn.

She had no clue that my husband came home every night LMBO. I had no clue that it appeared that the babies and I lived here all alone - except for weekends lol.

At any rate, the next week will be busy, so I won't be online. School let out for the summer today and we have plans through next Wednesday with husband having a four day weekend this weekend. Hope everyone has a good Memorial Day and I'll be back next Wednesday or Thursday...

I made it - but it wasn't any fun...

2005-05-25T14:18:00.000-07:00

I received a call earlier this afternoon from husband. He's back in the rear and once weapons are cleaned and put away and vehicles are washed, he'll be home. I imagine he might be home by midnight lol.

I guess it was Sunday or Monday night, I had my sob for this trip lol. I had gone upstairs to put the babies to bed and it was HOT up there. From painting our bedroom and our son's bedroom right before Christmas, just the smell - goodness. It took me back to last summer of it being so hot and me working on our bedroom. That fear in the pit of my belly emerged, that sick feeling that is just right around the edges - the loneliness...every bit of it came back as if it was all still happening.

Isn't odd how smells or a song can take you back to a place and time of your past? My goodness, that night it took me right back to the fear I haven't felt in nine months - it was as if it was last May and none of us having a clue as to when they would be home.

I put the babies to bed and came downstairs. I looked around and realized that sooner, rather than later, THIS - THIS emptiness and fear and sick feeling would be my life for another full year.

So I sobbed for a while. Actually, it felt pretty darn good to let it out. But, even after I called my best friend and we talked about it, the reality was still there. It wasn't last year - it was a year later. However, soon it would be next year and it might as well be 2003/4. And it stinks. It really does. I know it's "part of military life" and this is what he does for a living and I respect that tremendously. It sure as hell doesn't make it any easier to live without him though and live hour to hour knowing how damn fragile life is. That you never get back yesterday so you damn well have made the best of your time together.

That's where I've been this week. In some sort of strange in-between. He's gone but not really gone and I'm fine but I'm really NOT fine. The smell of new paint brought it all home and I had no idea how hard it would hit me - until it did.

So, when he pulls up in front of the house tonight, whether it's 9 pm or 1 am, my rear will be sitting on the porch waiting for him. And when I see him, I plan on tackling him right there in the street in front of God and neighbors :). I just can't WAIT to see him...

Our Vacation...

2005-05-19T10:15:00.000-07:00

The view from the hotel Sarah and her husband stayed looks wonderful!

Next month, we're taking our first real vacation IN TEN YEARS!! Matter of fact, I'm making our reservations today - and we're heading to Florida too. I've found a beautiful resort for us to stay. It has several pools, a restaurant, a bar on the beach for fruity drinks while we soak up the sun, special activities for children - and best of all, its right on the Gulf where the sand is white as snow and the ocean is a gorgeous blue.

Unlike Sarah and her husband, we're definitely beach bums ;). We're looking forward to long days on the beach and quiet evenings sitting on the terrace of the condo we're renting - and smelling the ocean air. Mostly though, we're looking forward to it just being the two of us and our two little ones.

Normally, we go visit family and call that a vacation while we try to visit everyone in the area evenly lol so no one feels left out or neglected. However, this time, we're going where WE want to go, taking our time, relaxing and enjoying our time together without any outside interference from the Army - or anyone else for that matter.

As you can tell, I'm beside myself. We are really looking forward to this trip!! It's been entirely too many years since we just sat on a beach, enjoying each other's company and the sights and sounds of the ocean. And, it will be the first time either of our children have seen a beach! Well, our daughter has been to the beach in Virginia, but she was just a baby and doesn't remember it. Watching them experience this for the first time is going to be so special! Searching for shells, building sand castles, hanging on to Daddy while they wade out into the surf...it sounds about as close to heaven on earth as we can get.

Thank you Army for moving block leave from May (when we couldn't have gone anywhere due to daughter's school) to June! Someone finally got a clue and realized these soldiers would have missed three summers in a row - or at least the soldiers with school aged children would have. June is a perfect time since everyone will be able to enjoy a get-away!

Now if I can just get a few house projects done. That way, I can really relax while we're gone and not worry about projects that will be waiting on me when I get home lol.

Please Help Get the Word Out...

2005-05-17T22:19:00.000-07:00

I just saw this on Neil Cavuto and it's such important legislation for our servicemembers AND their families. Please visit the links below to learn more - then email family and friends the information, share it on your blog, post it on military spouse sites you may visit... Most importantly, email, call and write via snail mail your elected officials to let them know you support this legislation and expect them to not only support it, but to make it happen ASAP!!

When a soldier is severely injured, most end up at one of the larger military medical centers which can be hundreds or thousands of miles away from their family and their home. Just imagine if your soldier was badly burned, had lost limbs or had a spinal injury - the worry and heartache you'd be experiencing. Not only are you distraught, you want to get to your loved one as quickly as possible.

However, due to the injury(ies), he's being retired out of the service. You are already on a tight budget with full military pay. Devastating injuries or not, sooner rather than later, you have to weigh your family's livelihood with your being by your loved one's side as he/she faces the toughest battle off all - the road to recovery.

I know I'd drop everything to be by my husband's side, however the truth is, at some point, the hotel costs, meals, our bills at home - I'd have to make a painful decision about our financial situation before he is discharged from the hospital. We'd need a home for him to come home to and I'd have to get a job to help support us - as his retirement pay would not at this point in our lives. I just cannot begin to imagine the heartache these families are going through as they have to leave their loved one, alone in a hospital, to come home to keep the family financially afloat.

In comes a national hero, awarded the Purple Heart and Bronze Star with a V, SSG Ryan Kelly, who understands these problems (and others) first hand. Thanks to SSG Kelly, the financial stresses families are facing on top of the horrific injuries their loved ones have suffered, could soon be a thing of the past.

The Wounded Warrior Project is advocating for legislation to create a Service Member’s Group Disability Insurance (SGDI) program, similar to the existing Servicemen’s Group Life Insurance (SGLI). Through this program, severely injured soldiers will receive a large lump sum payment upon their injury, allowing them to concentrate more fully on their recovery and transition back into civilian life rather than on the financial hardships they and their families face during this period.

Landmark Legislation Proposed by Wounded Warriors And Adopted by Senate Would Help Severely Injured Servicemembers
Measure will be retroactive to October 7, 2001 – the start of Operation Enduring Freedom (Washington, DC) – April 21, 2005 -- Severely injured servicemembers and their families will see their burdens eased by new legislation sponsored by U.S. Senator Larry Craig (R-Idaho) and adopted today by his colleagues. The Craig amendment will provide between $25,000 and $100,000 to severely injured military personnel, depending on the severity of their injury, whether wounded in combat or elsewhere. All Active Duty personnel who choose to participate in the military’s life insurance program will pay $1 a month for the coverage as part of their Servicemembers' Group Life Insurance. An additional amendment offered by Sen. Mike DeWine (R-Ohio) will make Craig's measure retroactive to the start of Operation Enduring Freedom, which began in Afghanistan on October 7, 2001. Both the Craig and DeWine amendments were adopted by voice vote, as part of an $81 billion emergency supplemental to fund ongoing operations in Iraq and Afghanistan. It must still be approved by the House of Representatives. Craig, who serves as chairman of the Senate Committee on Veterans' Affairs, said that it was the help of the Bush Administration and Ranking Member Daniel Akaka which helped put the measure over the top. "Two days ago we held a press conference with both the Secretary of Veterans Affairs and the Under Secretary of Defense who expressed their solid support for this effort. Their unwavering backing helped me quickly convince my colleagues that this is the right thing to do," said Craig.

Also, consider donating to their Backpack Program. From their website:
OUR BACKPACK PROGRAM provides much needed comfort items such as toiletries and other personal goods. It is visible on the faces of these heroes that they know their fellow citizens and veterans care about them and appreciate their bravery and courage.

By following the link above, you can view a list of items that are placed in the backpacks that they give to our injured servicemembers. When they arrive at the hospital, all they have is the uniform they are wearing. Receiving items like these is extremely helpful and is desperately needed. Please consider donating to the cause.

If you can't donate money for a backpack, consider another way to help our wounded:
Purchase a phone card and mail it to:
Medical Family Assistance Center
Walter Reed Medical Center
6900 Georgia Avenue, NW
Washington, DC 20307-5001

Long distance calls are not paid for by the military, so our injured cannot call home unless they have a phone card. The number one request of patients at Walter Reed is phone cards. Just think if we all purchased a $10 or $20 phone card and mailed it - what a difference we could make in the lives of the very people we owe our freedom to!

Thank you for reading and please pass this info along! No need for a link back to me, just link to WWP's site. I'm not interested in anything other than this information being passed along so those in Washington know, without a doubt, we expect this to be passed :)!

The Military Spouse Curse Strikes Again

2005-05-16T17:18:00.000-07:00

The Military Spouse Curse is just another aspect of military life. I expect something negative to happen every time my husband leaves for longer than 48 hours. Unfortunately, this time was no different.

The week prior to him leaving both babies were sick. As I mentioned earlier this week, daughter went to the Urgent Care Clinic Tuesday night. Well, Saturday evening, the last night my husband was home, I had to take our son up there. He also had the horrible cough that would cause him to cough so hard he'd get sick to his tummy. Thankfully on this trip to the UCC, we were in and out in two hours, not nearly six hours like when we took our daughter. Turns out his cough was masking ear infections in both ears and an extremely red throat. He'd only complained that his throat hurt when he coughed... We left with an antibiotic and some cough medicine.

At any rate, I thought - whew, got the sicknesses out of the way while he was still home. Usually, sickness waits until he's gone where I'm left alone trying to change puked on sheets in the middle of the night and console a crying child who is so sick and miserable lol.

Needless to say, I was under a false sense of security thinking I'd finally make it through one separation without the curse. I had made so many plans for the two weeks he was gone. I wanted to tackle the back hall by stripping all the woodwork back there, ripping out the closet and the linoleum and refinishing the floor. I also wanted to get the kitchen cabinets painted and the new molding added. If I still had time before he got home, I'd planned to build these flower boxes that would go in the center of each section of our picket fence. SO many plans...so little time.

So, yesterday evening I decided I'd better give Mother a call. I wanted to talk to her, but I also needed to give her updates on the babies. The last time we talked, she knew daughter had been to the doc, but didn't know that our son had gone a few days later.

We talk for a while and I give her all the updates on the babies. Then, little guy starts coughing - and coughing hard. I tell him to go to the bathroom in case he's going to get sick. I'm planning on following him of course. As I'm getting out of the chair, I hear him start to throw up, so I jump up and start off fast for the bathroom. Well, there's this children's wooden rocker that sits to the left of the fireplace. I guess one of the babies or one of the dogs bumped it at some point yesterday and pushed it about half a foot forward from its usually resting spot. In my hurry to the bathroom, I didn't notice, but my foot sure did.

BAM!! Crack...

With Mother still on the phone, I yell out a wordy durd. Ok, so I yelled out several. OMGosh I saw stars...

I knew from the crack I broke at least one toe. It was quite evident when I finally got over the initial impact that it was broken because I couldn't move it. When I tried to walk, I was in a lot of pain. So, after hobbling around while getting the babies to bed, I put some ice in a Ziploc bag, wrapped it in a wash-rag and iced my toes for most of the night.

This morning, I'm pretty sure it's only one broken toe - the next to last toe on my left foot. It's almost triple the size it normally is and from below the toenail, down the right side of the toe and around to the back, it's a beautiful black, deep red and purple lol.

I knew better than to try to put shoes on this morning to take daughter to school. So, I thought I'd put my soft purple fuzzy slippers on. Oh no, not happening. Even my fuzzy slippers were out of the question. Needless to say, I've sat around most of the day with no shoes on and my foot propped up. So much for getting a lot of stuff done around here :(.

And as luck would have it, the curse wasn't done with me yet.

This afternoon, I started not feeling too well. My throat started to hurt, I noticed I had a fever not long after that - and then I started coughing. The coughing hurt in my chest and out of nowhere I'm congested. I guess now I'm going to catch whatever it is that the babies' little immune systems have been trying to fight off for over a week.

Now, my toe not only hurts, I feel like crap too lol. Darn curse...I hope this is THE grande finale for this separation. Please, three is NOT a charm lol.

Monday Musings

2005-05-16T09:40:00.000-07:00

World War II
An excellent article by Victor Davis Hanson. Remembering World War II - Revisionists get it wrong

The Soviets invaded the defeated Japanese only in the last days of the war; the Anglo-Americans alone took on two fronts simultaneously. Submarine warfare, attacking the Japanese and German surface fleets, conducting strategic bombing over Berlin and Tokyo, and sending tons of supplies to Allied forces — all this was beyond the capability of the Red Army. More important, Stalin had been an ally of Hitler until the Nazi invasion of 1941, and had unleashed the Red Army to destroy the freedom of Finland and to carve up Poland.

Do we ever read these days that when the Luftwaffe bombed Britain, Russia was sending the Nazis fuel and iron ore? When Germany invaded Russia, however, Britain sent food and supplies.

Redneck Scrapbook
Neal Boortz started a Redneck Scrapbook a week or so ago. If you're in need of a good laugh this Monday, go check it out. Today he is featuring the redneck spoiler. As he explains, "Why spend a lot of money on some fancy spoiler for your car when you can make your own." Too funny!!

Iraq News
So the mainstream media dismisses bloggers as pajama pundits. However, in this opinion column, writer Jack Kelly quotes bloggers' coverage of Iraq over and over again. Bloggers are providing the best coverage. Nowhere to run is an excellent article explaining why even with the increase of violence in Iraq, he still says the war in Iraq is all but won.

Deadly Reporting
When will our media understand that what they irresponsibly write can and does get people killed? Somehow, a retraction of the koran in the toilet story does not seem to be enough!!

Newsweek says Koran desecration report is wrong. Yeah, well, too little, too late because none of these religion of peace folks believe that our press is THIS STUPID. WE know they are this stupid, but they don't. In their world, everything done by America is a conspiracy against islam. So, this incident really happened but the infidel American government is making Newsweek retract the story. Don't they realize if our government TRIED to twist Newsweek's arm to make them do anything, THAT would be an even bigger story here in America? Sheesh...

Ok, that's it for this Monday. Hope there's something in all this you found interesting. Let me know what you thought of Boortz's Redneck Scrapbook. The France photos had me ROTFL!

It Never Gets Any Easier...

2005-05-15T20:34:00.000-07:00

When my husband and I met, I had absolutely no knowledge of military life whatsoever. I didn't even know enough to be dangerous lol. My father had gotten out of the service before he met and married my mother. So, when dating my husband who was a drill sergeant when we met, I just assumed that all soldiers worked from 3 or 4 in the morning until midnight or later every day lol.

We dated less than a year before we married. My entire experience with the military up until that point had been the hours he worked on the trail. His recruits were in OSUT (One Station Unit Training) where they go through basic and AIT together, so the cycles were pretty long. Although he worked long hours, other than pulling duty (and I took him supper when he pulled duty so I still saw him) - we were only separated for several days each cycle when they did their FTX before graduation. This was years before Victory Forge had been thought of lol.

We married in May and he finished up his two years on the trail several months later. By August or maybe it was September, he had orders to another duty station. Right before Christmas that year, we arrived at his new duty station and settled into a two bedroom apartment in the civilian community. That's when I was introduced to the real Army lol.

I remember the first field problem he went on after the holidays that year as if it happened last week. We'd been there less than two months. He was going to be gone three or four weeks and I'll be honest, I was scared.

I worked for a law firm in the town right outside the installation's gate, so I had a full-time job to keep me busy. We had a small dog and two cats to keep me company at night. But, living alone in a new town, in a "new to us" apartment where I didn't really know anyone other than my husband and the nice lady who was the apartment complex's manager - well, it was quite intimidating.

Those first few nights, I cried a lot. I'd get home from work and eat a bowl of cereal for supper. I'd get a shower and get my PJs on. Then it would hit me: I'd only killed an hour and a half tops - and I still had another eleven or so hours before I could get dressed and go back to work lol. At least at work, there were people to talk to lol. It was truly a very lonely time.

One night while sitting on the couch crying, covered up in a throw and having my box of tissues next to me, I remember worrying that maybe I just wasn't cut out for this type of life. It was pretty apparent by my puffy, swollen eyes and stuffy nose from all the crying that I was not handling my first military separation very well. And, "he was only in the field for goodness sakes! It wasn't like he was sent off to war or something" I'd think - and start crying even harder.

And then it came to me. I thought, well - this is all so new. Newly married, new to Army life, new to the community. Maybe I should cut myself a little bit of slack here. I remember thinking that I couldn't wait for us to be married for a few years because surely, by then, I'd be adjusted to Army life. I'd be used to all that is so new and scary at the moment. And most importantly, the separations would become easier to endure as I got used to him having to be away from home.

Whew. There.

It may have taken several days to come up with a way to console myself, but finally, I felt better. From that moment on, I seemed to handle our first "military separation" better with my "this is all so new, it will get easier as time goes by" outlook.

Years passed. Then a decade. And time kept marching on as well as my husband's career. Each separation coming and going and the horrific realization that it had NEVER gotten any easier. If anything, each year that we are married we are closer, we are more in love with one another and have built a strong life together. And it NEVER gets any easier to say good-bye.

Never.

Whether he's deployed to a combat zone or, like now, spending some time in the field, it's never easy to go even ONE day without him - without at the least, being able to hear his voice.

He left at 1:30 am and I was, of course, awake. Waiting so I could tell him I love him and to be careful. To hear his voice, to give him a hug and a kiss. It's the last of any of those things for a few weeks since no cells were allowed on this trip and there will be no email in the woods lol. It beats the heck out of the months of not hearing his voice after they rolled out of Kuwait and into Iraq in 2003, but it still doesn't beat having him home - or only a phone call away.

And it never gets any easier.

The Peaceful, Peace Loving, Peace Marchers

2005-05-15T00:43:00.000-07:00

They march for peace. They preach peace. They have a hatred for violence perpetrated in their name by their country, the United States of America. The country in which they refuse to defend (that could be violent you know) and feel said country has no right to defend itself.

Ever.

Peaceful, peace loving, peace marching people. "WE NEED PEACE!" they tell us over and over and over and....

And then, one of their little men (a term I use loosely here) with lots of (peaceful?) rage leaves their peaceful PEACE march to walk across the street and punch a 49 year old woman in the face, breaking her glasses and knocking one of her hearing aids out. Her crime against peace? Peacefully marching in support of our troops.

OH THE HORROR!!!

All the peaceful, peace loving, peace marchers? Well, they value peace so much, they refused to point out the peace marcher who assaulted the poor woman.

HT: My Sandmen: Anti-America... Mr. Atos gives us a rundown of the all too common opinions of many of today's liberals. And yes, I realize this is not representative of all liberals. However, I'm finding democrats I know (both family and friends) are drifting center and right of center since September 11th. They are seeing and hearing the kinds of things Mr. Atos covers in his blog from too many in their party - and all too often. As such, they have lost faith in their party and no longer agree with the majority of the democrats' agenda.

The most liberal person I know (and she was a self admitted FAR left-wing, tree hugging, Mother Earth subscription buying democrat) refused to vote democrat last November due to the democrats' rhetoric about our country and about the war in Iraq.

Seems the fact democrats have positioned themselves to where only BAD news for our country can be GOOD news for them and their agenda turns most rational people away from the democratic party - and for good reason. When my MIL walks away from the democratic party after voting democrat in EVERY election (local, state and national) since she was 18 years old - that tells me they have lost too many of their mainstream party supporters and are left with the majority of the party being of the Moveon.org, Michael Moore, Kerry-Kennedy, socialist Militant left. The kind of people who PUNCH old ladies whose only crime was supporting the very troops who keep these snarky bastards free to spew their anti-American vile in the first place.

Whew, breathe Shannon, breaattthhhheeee lol.

Peace activist faces trial after crossing the line of civility Line of civility? Peace Activist? Lets call a snake a snake folks. The headline should read, "Anti-American Activist Assaults Woman for Daring to Support Our Troops"

We Really Need a Vacation

2005-05-12T23:14:00.000-07:00

I honestly don't know how husband does it. He leaves the house around 4:30 in the morning and doesn't get home until 10 pm or later. He's so beat and unfortunately, his week is really only starting. He leaves Sunday for the field....

There is a CPT's wife in another company who has cancer. Every two weeks she has to go in for chemo and the CO's wife of their company asked if we all would take turns cooking a meal for them the weeks she has chemo. I said I'd cook this week's meal. My plan was to go Tuesday evening and get the stuff to make lasagna and get the boxed garlic bread. This way, her husband could easily just put the lasagna in the oven to heat up and follow the instructions on the box of garlic bread. As life would have it, none of my plans went as - well, planned.

Monday, my best friend called around 10:30 in the morning. We're giving each other a run-down of our weekends when my cell rings. I wasn't going to answer it until I saw it was a local number. No one calls me from our town lol. I don't have any friends that live here - so a local number peeked my interest. I told my friend to hang on while I answered. It was daughter's school. She isn't feeling well and has a fever. Off I go to get her from school.

On the way home, we stopped at the local store and got some cough medicine. All Monday evening she coughed. She coughed most of the night Monday night. She coughed so hard she got sick to her tummy :(. She coughed so hard and so long, her stomach muscles hurt :(. Tuesday, I kept her home from school again. Her cough didn't seem as bad as it had been Monday night, so I dosed her with cough medicine and got her comfortable on the couch. By 4:30 pm, she was worse than she was the night before. She'd cough so hard she had tears rolling down her cheeks. Mommy is now worried.

I go up and take a quick shower, get dressed and get the babies dressed. Husband calls and says he's on his way home (the ONE night he gets off work at a decent hour lol) - and I tell him we're on our way to the Urgent Care Clinic. He says he'll just meet us there. We arrived a little before 7. At midnight, we finally got home from the darn place. The nut doc - honestly, she had such a thick foreign accent AND wore a surgical mask when dealing with my child, so I couldn't understand a darn thing she said. Normally when someone has a thick accent, I can try to read lips to help me understand them, not this lady with the surgical mask lol.

Daughter got x-rays taken and didn't have pneumonia thankfully. Although she has had all her vaccinations, doc thinks she has Pertussis (Whooping Cough), so they took swaps of her nose. We should hear something in two weeks she said (I think lol). She gave daughter an antibiotic and cough medicine with codeine in it. We gave her the first dose of antibiotics when we got home Tuesday night and honestly, Wednesday morning she was 90% better! She still had a little bit of cough, but I was truly amazed that she felt so much better after just one dose of the antibiotic. By this morning she was back to her sparkly ol' self and went on to school.

So, due to being in the ER until midnight Tuesday night and daughter being out of school on Wednesday, I couldn't get to the grocery store until today to get all the stuff for the lasagna. I made it tonight though and made a small separate dish of lasagna for husband to eat when he finally made it home around 11 tonight. Tomorrow he'll take the food to work and give it to the CPT. I feel terrible that I didn't have it there for them on Wednesday, but hopefully Friday will be equally as helpful. It's a HUGE amount of lasagna, so maybe that will feed them over the weekend, so they can just relax and enjoy being together without him having to cook or having to go get something.

As for us, we really do need that vacation. The sad part is, it took our child needing to go to the ER for us to have time together. Sitting in the ER for almost six hours - well, it's the most we've seen each other this week...

Ace in the Hole

2005-05-12T19:58:00.000-07:00

When we moved here, DirectTV was cheaper than cable, so we went with it. I've yet to regret that decision. Once in a while we will lose the signal when a really bad storm rolls through, but it's usually only for a few minutes. We also get a lot more channels with DirectTV than we would with our local cable company.

At any rate, last month, I was taking a break from the computer and watching more television than normal. My favorite channel is The History Channel, so while flipping around that area of programming, I noticed The Military Channel. For several days, I'd check to see what was on and each time I'd think, "darn I'd watch that if we had the Military Channel."

After almost a week of seeing interesting programs listed on the Military Channel, I finally decided to call and see how much it would cost to add it to our programming package. A nice lady answered the phone and said it would cost $4.00 per month to add it, but it's a package, so we'd also get several other channels with it too - such as the Biography Channel, PBS Kids, History International (woohoo!! two history channels!) and several extra Discovery Channels - oh and the Science Channel too.

I was sold lol. And, another perk of satellite TV? She adds the package to our programming in the computer and before we hang up, I HAVE The Military Channel on my TV lol!!

For two weeks now, I've been looking forward to tonight. On The Military Channel, they were showing Ace in the Hole, The Capture of Saddam Hussein. And it was worth the wait.

If you enjoy military history, I'd highly recommend The Military Channel!

Monday Musings

2005-05-09T07:37:00.000-07:00

I thought I might try my hand at getting on a schedule of sorts here at my blog. So, each Monday I'll post some links to new (well, new to me) blogs I ran across over the weekend and/or articles I found interesting. You never know when you're one click away from your new favorite blog ;).

First, Ben Stein says goodbye in his last column. In doing so, he tells America who his real heroes are. Mr. Stein, they are my heroes too...

Second, Vietnam
I ran across some great sites last week about Vietnam. I believe I found one of the links through Bunker Mulligan - but it's a blur now :).

If you love music as I do, be sure to visit The Vietnam Era (Music). Sit back and enjoy or scroll through their song list and pick your favorites. So far, I've spent hours there listening and I'm on a dial-up! Great site.

Streams is an excellent blog that has some great entries concerning Vietnam. This is also the blog I found The Vietnam Era through.

And last, but certainly not least, I ran across DadManly this weekend and enjoyed reading every one of his entries. Be sure to also stop by Debate Space to find civil, interesting and honest discussions between a conservative (DadManly) and a liberal (The Liberal Avenger). Refreshing to see questions answered and thoughts shared in such a manner...these two set the example. Too bad more folks don't follow their lead.

Happy Monday and hope you enjoy!!

Edited to Add:
Sheesh it really is Monday :). I have one last site to share which is a must see!!

The photo I linked below of the soldier holding the child... Visit Michael Yon : Online Magazine. Mr. Yon is currently in Iraq and is the photographer who took the now famous shot. Go visit and read more...

A Picture is Worth a Thousand - Tears....

2005-05-07T14:24:00.000-07:00

The love and respect this stranger in an American uniform shows for the wounded Iraqi child is evident. It is yet another example of the many profound acts of kindness, charity and bravery that have been displayed throughout the war by young Americans in uniform. We've heard the stories or seen the photos of a Marine sharing his last drop of water with a thirsty Iraqi child. The Internet -- unlike many of our major newspapers -- is abuzz with pictures of American warriors sharing laughs with Iraqi youth and weeping over the shattered victims of terrorists. I've had the great fortune to witness many of these acts of kindness firsthand.

Unfortunately, if you are a college student or a law school student in America today, you are unlikely to know just how remarkable your peers who serve in the military are. Worse yet, your college administrators deny you the opportunity to decide for yourself whether or not you'd like to join their ranks. The Ivory Tower academic elitists in many of America's most "prestigious" colleges and universities today are waging war against the military and working to keep recruiters off of their campuses.

Oliver North tells it like it is once again. The left in this nation scream TOLERANCE. Applying it to themselves? Well, it ONLY applies to them as long as they only have to be tolerant of things they AGREE with. Typical of the slugs...

A picture is worth a thousand words

Is it Friday yet????

2005-05-05T12:05:00.000-07:00

What a long damn week. Sheesh!

Tuesday, we had a FRG meeting. My friend and I had a good time LMAO, I'm not quite sure how the rest of the ladies and gents felt. Mr. Commander - he's fired for introducing me by who I am married to (strike one). He was holding the meeting, waiting for husband (strike two lol) and looked shocked when I said, "oh, he's not coming, lets get on with this." After the meeting husband arrived and confirmed that I was THE MAN and told him to stay away LMAO. Actually, I just wanted people to meet ME - not, "oh she's so and so's wife" kind of thing. Rank has no part of the FRG. Thanks to Mr. Commander that was not possible, however next month he will be fully briefed before uttering a word lol.

We celebrated our anniversary this week. Actually celebrating consisted of softball practice, a quick trip to burger king-dom for supper and then standing outside and talking to a WWII Vet who happened to drive by when husband was getting out of the car in uniform. Super nice couple though...and he'd met my all time HERO (besides my husband and father), PATTON!!! Just talking to someone who had met Patton was so great...

This weekend husband says he's buying me a diamond for our anniversary. I told him to save it and buy me a MUSTANG LMAO. No child car-seat allowed lol. Anyhow, we plan to hopefully do something this weekend, but I don't think I'll see him tonight or tomorrow due to work - and Saturday he will probably snore in the chair until some moron gets picked up by the MPs and he has to go get them. Maybe year after next when he gets back from Iraq AGAIN, we can actaully go OUT on our anniversary just the two of us. Yeah, right.

Tomorrow I make the treck to post to get groceries. I just LOVE that long drive - especially when daughter is along for the ride (which she will be) to roll her eyes and say, "Daddy lets me listen to country music..." Gosh I can feel her rolling her eyes so hard it shakes the truck. UGHHH. My response to her hatred of all good rock and roll is, "when you get a job and actually PAY for a vehicle you have the luxury of riding in, then you can pick the music. Until then, sit down, shut up and enjoy the ride..." Ok, not that mean, but gosh that is what I want to say other than rolling MY eyes at her rolling HER eyes lolol. Thank GOD we did not have two daughters. ONE is enough to keep from an estrogen overload around here lol. My son? Just like his Momma - loves some great rock and roll lol. Husband has corrupted the girl, she may be lost forever...

Ok, that's it. Got laundry waiting and a dog staring me down which means she has to go out. Just another day of glamourous life around here lol....

Eh, life sucks...

2005-05-01T14:50:00.000-07:00

I'm taking a break. First time I've been online since last Wednesday or Thursday. I don't plan on cutting the computer on again until maybe Friday.

Nothing new to tell other than husband being off for a long weekend and finding out another friend died in Iraq last week. The memorial is tomorrow. I doubt I'll go. I don't do death well. The only funeral I hope to attend in the far far future is my own. And I know, a memorial is not a funeral, but it might as well be.

Lets see, lucky me, I got an appointment with my doc. Haven't seen him since Feb. I think. Unlucky for me is the fact this is the last time I'll get to see him. He's ETSing this month (that's getting out of the Army for any civilians). That leaves me in a possible pickle come June. Hopefully he'll tell me who I can see next month. This doc met me before husband left for Iraq, has known me through a year deployment, husband coming home - my health problems, what medications we've tried, what failed, why it failed, what worked et al. Now I have to start over with some other doctor and I'm angry and scared and depressed. He's a general practioner who sees patients (I imagine) like a cattle herder, but he cares, he listens, he returns phone calls, he made phone calls to specialists when I just couldn't SEE another specialist who wanted to cut on me again. HE CARED. And, I'll probably get stuck with that dip shit I started with after surgery numero dos over two years ago who only cared enough to shake his head in a patronizing manner and say,"I'm sorry, I just don't know what I can do for you. Take care."

Guess I'm just mad at the world right now. I should still be lifting weights and be healthy - ACTIVE. Now I'm gaining weight, I'm unhappy and now my doctor is leaving which when you have to see a doc every other month or so to make sure you are not in need of emergency surgery, is a BIG change.

Yea me. I'm too young for a midlife crisis but damn, something's got to give.

See you next week when hopefully I'll be in a better mood lol.

Gay Marriage

2005-04-24T19:03:00.000-07:00

This really isn't a topic that I have a strong position on. I can see both sides of the issue. On the one hand, I believe marriage should be protected and remain as is - a religious and legal institution between a man and woman. On the other hand, I can understand how gay couples would want certain legal rights when they build a life with their partner - not to mention the emotional aspect of being legally connected to the one you love.

And yes, I'm a Christian. So, I am part of one of the religious groups who vehemently oppose gay marriage. However, as a Christian, I feel my religion tells me that God judges people and their actions and we, as his followers, should not. I'm human though and I'm not always successful at not judging. I do try not to and when I catch myself, I stop - or at least try lol. I sometimes find it hard. For instance, when walking through the mall and seeing the fashion statements some folks are making and thinking, "ewww, how the heck did you look in the mirror and think DAMN I look GOOD!" wearing that contraption lol. Like I said, I'm human lol.

Do I agree with the gay lifestyle? No. As a heterosexual, I find it extremely hard to understand how a woman or a man can look at someone their same gender and be attracted to them, much less intimate. I would imagine homosexuals feel the same way about straight folks too though. My position is, what you do in your bedroom is your business. I don't want or need to know just like what goes on in my bedroom is not anyone else's business but mine and my husband's.

The point to all this is I just happened upon this extremely interesting blog entry about the gay marriage debate. I'm not even sure what blog I followed to get to this one. A really, really, really long post about gay marriage that does not, in the end, support one side or the other is well worth the read, no matter what side of this issue you are on.

My only request is that people try to be a leeetle more humble about their ability to imagine the subtle results of big policy changes. The argument that gay marriage will not change the institution of marriage because you can't imagine it changing your personal reaction is pretty arrogant. It imagines, first of all, that your behavior is a guide for the behavior of everyone else in society, when in fact, as you may have noticed, all sorts of different people react to all sorts of different things in all sorts of different ways, which is why we have to have elections and stuff. And second, the unwavering belief that the only reason that marriage, always and everywhere, is a male-female institution (I exclude rare ritual behaviors), is just some sort of bizarre historical coincidence, and that you know better, needs examining.

I'm interested in what you think about this article. Personally, I found the history she used as examples to be very thought provoking...

New Look

2005-04-23T21:32:00.000-07:00

Last night I saw a link under the template section on blogger for "Pick New." I decided to go see what kind of templates they offered. Well, as you can see, I found one I liked lol.

Husband was going to take a nap this afternoon, so I thought it wouldn't take me but an hour to change the template and add new links.

Wrong lol.

I worked on it all afternoon and then started working on it again around 6:30 tonight. I just finished lol.

Anyhow, I hope this is a better look. I made a few small changes to the template, but nothing too drastic. I did add quite a few new links to the right. I think it's been over a year since I added anything new over there lol. When you have some time, go check out some of the sites. They are all sites I visit almost daily. Hopefully there will be something new in there that you haven't ran across before!

Oh - one last change. I did away with the other comments and went with blogger's. The old comments would drop off after so long and I'm hoping the blogger comments will stay indefinitely.

Hope everyone has a good weekend!

Causes You May Want to Support

2005-04-22T00:04:00.000-07:00

I received an email from my friend with connections the other day with a cause I thought may interest others with loved ones in the military. Honestly, when I first read it, I thought it was most likely an urban legend lol. To my pleasant surprise, it's real :).

H.R. 887 - Supply Our Soldiers Act of 2005:

The Supply Our Soldiers Act of 2005 - Directs the United States Postal Service (USPS) and the Secretary of Defense to provide a program under which postal benefits are made available for personal correspondence and other mail matter sent from within the United States by designated representatives (next-of-kin) to members of the Armed Forces who are: (1) serving on active duty abroad in support of military operations or against an enemy of the United States or other hostile force; or (2) hospitalized in a U.S. military facility as a result of disease or injury incurred during service overseas. Limits postal benefits to $150 per calendar quarter, and limits the size and weight of allowable parcels. Allows charitable organizations to apply for such benefits.

You can visit The National Association for Uniformed Services website to easily locate your elected officials by entering your zip code. This site provides information about legislation that concerns the military. Not only do they provide information about military legislation and an easy way to contact your elected officials about it, they also provide a Guide to the Media. With this guide, you can search for national and local media via your zip code. You can search for Editors, Reporters & Producers by entering the person's last name. Last, but certainly not least, you can search for media organizations (radio, TV and print) by searching the organization's name. A helpful (and time saving) site to say the very least! Definitely a site I'll be adding to the list of links on the right.

Be sure to pass this "cause" on and write your elected folks in Washington to let them know you support it! When our loved ones are deployed, we spend an awful lot of money sending packages not only to our own soldier, but most of us also mail packages loaded with goodies for their co-workers too. Like everyone else, the money spent was well worth it. Reducing some of the costs would be extremely helpful though - especially for our National Guard and Reserve families who may be struggling due to large decreases in pay when they are activated.

***************************************

Another cause that may interest you. If it does, let your elected officials know!

Extended Careers

Earlier this month, my husband and I were talking about our plans for the future. After his realization of how close he came to retiring and the amount of denial he was swimming in saying he was ready to retire lol - our "plans" are really just wishes lol. For instance, wishing we could possibly head south after he finishes his two years in this job and it's time for us to relocate. In reality, we know we'll most likely end up in a place we have no interest in going lol - like Fort Hood or Fort Drum. I'm sure these installations are places many people love and there are positives to both. However, by the time we leave here, due to the Army forcing folks out at a certain amount of years served based on rank, this next move will be our last move. And, just like we had planned that our current duty station would be "the retirement duty station," this next move will have to be - and we'd really like to go someplace we would be comfortable calling home for the rest of our lives.

This conversation evolved into the discussion on rank and the amount of years a soldier can serve before being forced to retire. Such as, a SFC (E-7) only being able to serve 24 years and a 1SG/MSG (E-8) can only serve 26 years.

sidenote: This site says a SFC/E-7 not on the promotion list can only serve 22 years. I thought that had changed a few years ago.

sidenote II: Maybe the above site just hasn't updated their info. This site (scroll down to Retention Control Points) says 24 years...

At any rate, while we talked about the years he had left in the Army he said, "Honestly, I'd stay in a lot longer if they'd let me. I dread the day I have to retire and can no longer do this job."

I dread the day he has to retire too. I just don't think he'll ever find anything he loves doing as much as he loves his job - and I worry that he'll be completely miserable being a civilian.

Of course, this conversation got me to thinking (I know, a dangerous concept lol). Why DO we force out our best and most experienced soldiers while they are still in the prime of their lives? It makes no sense and I imagine the justification is, "We do this because it's the way it's always been done."

So, I got on the computer and sent a letter to one of my Senators on the 5th of this month. I won't quote the entire thing, but here's a small portion:

As our nation faces problems with recruitment and retention, our valuable NCOs, the backbone of the Army, are being forced out. Fifty or more years ago, 45 years old may have been "too old" to continue to serve, but in this day and age, this is just not the case.

I respectfully ask that you look into the years of service our senior NCOs can serve.

[.....]

It is a shame that our nation, at a time of war, is forcing out our highly skilled and trained NCOs due to an out of date system.

Three days later, I received a reply from his office. The first paragraph pertained to my letter:

Dear Friend:

Thank you for your recent letter regarding retirement age of our men and women serving in the Armed Forces. You may be assured of my interest in this matter, and I appreciate your taking the time to express your views to me. Please be assured that I will give this issue my most careful consideration, keeping your particular comments in mind.

The three paragraphs following this one were your typical *form letter taking up space* paragraphs lol, so I'll spare you.

As if I was on to something here lol (even if my Senator's staff didn't particularly think so lol), about a week later I was making my daily news rounds, skimming the headlines on Military.com. To my surprise, I came across an article on this very subject! And the name of the person who happens to agree and would like to see the RCP (Retention Control Points) of an out of date system changed? Why, none other than Defense Secretary Donald Rumsfeld! I felt just a tad bit validated after reading the article lol!

Rumsfeld Supports Extended Careers

WASHINGTON - Defense Secretary Donald Rumsfeld said he would like to see sweeping changes to the military services' personnel systems.

In particular, Secretary Rumsfeld said, he would like to do away with the system that forces servicemembers out at the prime of their careers and moves people between jobs too quickly.

The system that moves people up then out when they are "at the peak of their capabilities" does the country "a big disservice," the secretary said.

Secretary Rumsfeld said he is frequently frustrated to see top-notch servicemembers, many just 38 or 40 years old, forced to leave the military -- taking with them extensive experience they could share with others.

"Why would we do that?" he said. "Why wouldn't we want that person around, and the confidence and knowledge and experience" the individual brings to the table?

Yet, despite widespread recognition of what such servicemembers are still capable of contributing, Secretary Rumsfeld said the personnel system "just keeps shoving them up and out."

This just does not make sense, particularly at a time when people "live longer and are healthier longer," Secretary Rumsfeld said.

Secretary Rumsfeld acknowledged that not everyone wants to extend their military careers, but he said those who do "should not be penalized or prevented from doing that."

Exactly Secretary Rumsfeld!! My husband will only be 43 when he's forced out and it's a shame that the Army will lose a great soldier due to an out of date and senseless policy. We are paying a high price for forcing out our most experienced soldiers - especially while our nation is at war.

A Very Sad Week

2005-04-21T07:51:00.000-07:00

When they are home - especially after returning from a year in combat where you are always emotionally guarded, it's so easy to allow yourself to be lulled into a sense of safety and well-being. The stark reality is, whether deployed or at home, being a soldier is a dangerous occupation.

As the time for them to head back over to Iraq approaches, training is increasing of course. This week the BN had companies in the field. Fortunately for me, husband's company was running chow, but not part of the field problem. I say fortunately because even though he'd be working late, at least he would be coming home every night where we could spend a little time together.

Earlier this week he called me in the afternoon, which is odd. He usually calls in the mornings and then towards the end of the day so I know if he'll be home by seven or will be working late. When his name popped up on my cell, I knew something was going on. I figured it was a typical problem - a meeting being rescheduled to late in the day and for me to not wait on him for supper.

When I answered the phone and heard his voice, I immediately knew it wasn't about a meeting. I've only heard his voice sound like that once before when he called home after his friends were killed and instantly I knew something awful happened.

He slowly explained what was going on and wanted to let me know that he wasn't sure what time he would be home, but it would be very late. There had been an accident and a soldier was killed. The sound of his voice - gosh, it just broke my heart. Before hanging up, he said, "Damn! The kid makes it through a year of dodging bullets and IEDs in Iraq only to be killed here at home...it's just a fucking shame."

Then, he said he had to go, but he'd call me later. And there I stood, over a year later, staring at the phone like the damn thing had just jumped up and attacked me. Feeling just as useless and worthless as I did that day in January when he called so upset about his friends - not knowing what to say or how to console him. The only thing I can do is listen and while I know that is important, my mind still says I should do more - somehow find some magical words to make it easier or something. Losing a young kid, even if it wasn't one of "his" kids, tore him up. I could hear it in his voice and when he finally did make it home that night, I could see it in his face.

Tragically, two young soldiers were lost in the accident and five others injured. According to press reports, the five injured will be ok and only suffered minor injuries thank goodness.

Please keep the families of these two young men in your prayers along with the injured soldiers. Also, if you could keep the soldiers who tried to save them in your prayers too, it would be greatly appreciated. They are having a really hard time too.

Cherish every moment you have with the people you love. Whether they are deployed or home, life is so fragile and so short...

Yep, I'm a Southerner...

2005-04-19T14:50:00.000-07:00

but I must be losing some of my heritage (nice word for twang lol) seeing as how I only scored 45% Dixie on a linguistic test I found through Sue's blog.

Your Linguistic Profile:

55% General American English

45% Dixie

0% Midwestern

0% Upper Midwestern

0% Yankee

What Kind of American English Do You Speak?

MIDlife Crisis

2005-04-12T19:26:00.000-07:00

It's true. I think I've finally hit my midlife crisis...where I'm missing my youth that included muscle cars and a lead foot :).

So here she is...and damn I want one so bad lol:
Welcome back, Shelby.

Mother and Daddy had a '68. Damn thing would SCREAM. Even had a roll bar in it lol. This one has 450 horses under the hood (drool) and is the first real muscle car (in my opinion) made since the 1977 Pontiac Trans-Am.

BUT, come Friday I'm going to see a man about a truck for the husband. *Sniff, sniff* so no Shelby Cobra for me in 2006.

Enjoy the pics....

Hanoi Jane

2005-04-06T06:17:00.000-07:00

She should have been TRIED and CONVICTED of TREASON. Instead she's out making money telling about her idiotic bedroom exploits.

I hope to one day soon see her in an airport or on a street. I will walk up to this TRAITOR and spit in her face. Regardless of what she says today, she has NEVER apologized for making radio broadcasts for the NVA and that IS giving aid and comfort to the enemy. Hell I'm surprised this scum of the earth isn't touring in the middle east appearing on Al Jazeera calling our troops today murderers. Rest assured that is what this whore thinks.

May she rot in hell for eternity for what she did. This is one Vietnam Veteran's daughter who will NEVER forget nor forgive.

Hanoi Jane rides again

See ya'll next week when I'm back online regularly...

Want Free Healthcare?

2005-03-26T21:41:00.000-08:00

I happened by an interesting blog this evening, Turning 30 and a half. Sue is a Canadian who has "a deployed American guy" in her life. I enjoyed reading through her blog. Give a visit - there's something of interest for just about everyone.

In an entry titled, Next time I'm going to McDonalds, she gives us a glimpse into some of the experiences not only she has had in Canadian hospitals, but experiences of family and friends too.

No matter how many times Hillary Clinton, John Kerry and the like-minded of the left scream you have a right to free healthcare, you only have to look to our northern neighbors to realize we do not want it. Not only do we not want "free" healthcare, we don't want our families and ourselves to have to endure the consequences of it.

Nothing in life is free. However, with free healthcare (aka socialized medicine), what you don't pay in dollars, you pay with lives. And nothing "free" is worth that price...no matter what the Left in our country would have you believe...

No Rest For the Poor Guy

2005-03-26T21:08:00.000-08:00

The husband and I stayed up late last night. Well, I stayed up late reading online and he stayed up late snoring in the cushy chair across from me in the living room lol. Needless to say, when the babies woke me this morning, I was regretting my late night reading - even if I did finally catch up on most of my favorite blogs.

So our plan for the day was to start off slow and relax around the house this morning lol. Then, we'd head to a larger town about 40 minutes from us, grab a late lunch/early supper and then walk that off at the mall. Daughter wants her hair cut short again. I'm looking for her a pair of little white canvas sneakers that would look cute with some of her new spring outfits. I've not been able to find a pair anywhere, so I thought I could probably find her a pair of Keds at one of the shoe stores in the mall. I also needed to stock up on Yankee Candle Tarts again, so the mall was the plan. The place where we could take care of everything in one, "oh I'm so full after eating like a pig" indoor walk.

That was our Saturday plan. Yeah. Riiight. Not with the new job lol.

His cell rang a little after ten. Soldier in trouble, but nothing on the serious side like a soldier in jail or anything. After several phone calls and SGT MORON being within a five mile radius so he could screw it up (guy is a complete idiot who can make a mountain out of an ant hill in 2.4 seconds flat), husband says he has to go take care of it.

Yea!! Gotta love this SGT Moron who could screw up a one car funeral.

While husband is gone, I read some on the net, I dose a little while watching a Disney movie with the babies and then finally get my lazy butt upstairs to get dressed. My laziness had perfect timing for once lol. The babies were ready and I was putting away the hair dryer when he walked through the door. We were all ready to go the minute he got home.

We get to the restaurant. We order our food. Before the appetizers could arrive, his cell had rang two more times. By the time had eaten and were getting to-go boxes for our leftovers, the cell had rang two more times and husband had made two other calls.

By the time we were walking out to our vehicle, two more soldiers were in trouble and this time it was on the serious side for one of them, but thankfully SGT Moron was not around to make a disaster out of young kids being STUPID.

So, the trip to the mall was scrapped. The babies and I waved at the mall we'd been trying to go to for three days now as we drove by lol.

Off to the husband's office we go. I decided we'd stay in the truck while Daddy took care of what he had to do. I'm not much for hanging out where my husband works - even if we're there just because we had to be under the circumstances. Living so far from the installation does have its down sides for sure. But, we had a good time anyway. CAUTION, BRAG: My little ones are so great and no matter where we are, we have a good time together (end brag lol). We listened to the radio for a while, daughter read a book about different birds to baby brother and I (the three of us love to bird watch out our six big windows in the kitchen while birds bathe in our pond in the spring and summer). Then, I called my Mother and talked to her for a while. All in all, the time went by pretty fast and by 7:15 or so, we were finally on the road heading home.

Well, guess I need to cut the computer off here since 1 am has snuck up on me. The bars will be closing soon and I'm sure by 3 am, the phone will be ringing again lol. And, I still have to get with that Easter Bunny so the Bunny of Chocolate can put together my sweet babies baskets that they are so excited about seeing in the morning.

Hopefully tomorrow, husband can spend more time with us than he does with the Army lol. Wishful thinking at this point lol. It's all part of the job - I know. He loves it and in all seriousness, I'm thrilled he's happy. I do, however, reserve the right to bitch about said job at least once every few days though LMBO!!

Happy Easter to all who are celebrating.

The Great Escape...

2005-03-25T20:42:00.000-08:00

Seems some Iraqi prisoners planned an escape from their prison near the Kuwaiti border by tunneling out. A six hundred foot tunnel was found first and a few hours later, a smaller three hundred foot tunnel was discovered.

My first thought? Well, anyone who enjoys military history as I do (or those of my parents' generation who were/are Steve McQueen fans) would most likely have had the same thought - and apparently the same thought COL Brown had: The Great Escape of course!

Our talented journalist's first thought? The reporter, Albert Eisele, who is the former Press Secretary to Vice President Mondale? HIS first and last thought (considering the idiocy was actually written into this journalistic masterpiece): The Shawshank Redemption.

I've read this story over and over, I've now typed The Shawshank Redemption and yet, I still cannot seem to stop shaking my head in disbelief. How the heck do you say, "The elaborate escape is reminiscent of the 1994 movie, 'The Shawshank Redemption,' where a prisoner burrows his way out of prison" with a straight face? How does an editor read that line and think, "BINGO! Albert, my man, you've done it again. You've made the comparison of the century!!!"

Sheesh. And we depend on these people to keep us informed? Heaven help us.

Lets see: A man goes to prison for a crime he may or may not have been guilty of, he is beaten up a lot the first two years and then things get better as far as prisons go, he helps prisoners get books, he helps the warden steal money, apparently he tunnels out...

BINGO!! It's certainly what most Americans would think of when reading an article about Iraqi prisoners digging tunnels to escape from a prison camp.

It certainly could not be: Stalag Luft III. RAF officers who start to dig three tunnels (Tom, Dick and Harry) to escape a German POW camp in Poland. Matter of fact, The Great Escape - as it became known, began after MUCH preparation on the 24th/25th of March 1944. Wow...these tunnels were even found on pretty much the anniversary of The Great Escape. But nah,

BINGO!! The Shawshank Redemption comes to our glorious reporter's mind...

The Iraqis use their bed's wooden support boards to build a makeshift floor to hide their tunnel. The RAF officers use the wooden rails from their beds to support their tunnels to keep them from caving in.

The Shawshank Redemption... Yeah. Sure.

Don't get me wrong. I don't think these prisoners probably went to half of the extraordinary means, coming up with brilliant plans as the RAF officers did (their forged documents alone were absolutely genius), but there are a few parallels. More so than a movie based on a a book by Stephen King, that's for sure.

And a few other thoughts: Seems that we should have learned that beds should not have wooden pieces that can be used to help escapees lol. Do we no longer LEARN from history?

And, if my memory from past reading serves me correctly, even in the 1940s, the Germans had sensors around the perimeter of the POW camps due to previous attempts to tunnel out. This is why the RAF officers had to tunnel so deep - to avoid the sensors. Seems like WE should be able to muster up some 2005 technology SOMEWHERE to help secure our current prisoners' perimeter in case they decide to tunnel lol. Especially considering our prisoners are NOT men who may or may not have committed a crime as in the wonderful movie they have been compared, but may very well be COLD BLOODED, MURDERING, BRUTAL Islamic terrorists...

Ya think? Anyhow...

Further Reading:
For anyone not familiar with the story of Stalag Luft III and The Great Escape, here are a few links for you. It's an amazing story where these men with little to no equipment built tunnels (eventually only finishing one due to circumstances), forged documents to use once they were free, made clothes to wear... Just an amazing story of what can be done if one sets their mind to it.

The Great Escape - Rob Davis
Excellent detailed information...

Return to Stalag Luft III
A wonderful article about Bertram 'Jimmy' James, one of the 76 escapees. This article follows him as he returns to Stalag Luft III on the 60th anniversary of The Great Escape. Be sure to view the Photo Gallery of the 60th Anniversary and also follow the links at the bottom of the article to read more about Mr. James and his experiences after being shot down in 1940.

The Great Escape Memorial Project
A worthy cause to donate to...

The Italian Situation...

2005-03-07T06:12:00.000-08:00

I about fell out of my chair this morning. As usual, soon after waking, I had my cup of coffee in hand and was sitting in my nice cushy chair watching Fox News. It's my time, so I can get woken up before the babies wake and I can be pleasant Mommy. I'm not a morning person in the least, so this is my morning ritual of sorts. Getting up late and disturbing my ritual makes for a bad day lol.

Now I admit that Fox's morning show gets on my nerves a bit. Therefore, I also check out CNN in the mornings. MSNBC is out. A cold day in hell before I watch Imus in the morning. What an idiot.

Anyhow, I'm jumping from CNN to Fox. I jump from one or the other the minute they talk about Martha Stewart or Michael Jackson. Sorry, these two stories interest me less than a root canal.

I have read about the journalist whose ransom was paid and the Italian Secret Service Agent who was killed by US forces when they failed to slow for a checkpoint. Although my prayers were with the agent killed and his family, the uproar over this had me feeling more and more anger as I read the stories and listened to more coverage on Fox and CNN.

And then, it happened. A Fox newsman mentions that this reporter worked for "Il Manifesto," a communist newspaper in Italy - and I about fell out of my chair.

HELLO? Out of all the news reports I read, all the commentary over the past day that I sat through and only NOW, on MONDAY morning, are we hearing this? Could it be that this communist and her paper HATE the US, DESPISE that we are bringing freedom to Iraq and want to see us FAIL have a little SOMETHING to do with "her story?" Nah. Of course not. That's why none of the MSM bothered to tell us this little tidbit.

This is a perfect example of why I distrust the media. Fifty years ago, when (many) journalists would have NEVER wanted to see America lose a war (as they appear to want so badly today) may have used a headline such as, "Italian Communist Newspaper Journalist Injured After Release." Afterall, back then, our newspapers would have wanted to put this woman's "claims" in the proper light. Unfortunately in today's world, her being a communist and/or reporting for a communist newspaper isn't relevant according to their narrow view.

Well, it is relevant. As Neal Boortz says this morning:

JUST AN EXCUSE TO SHOWCASE HATRED FOR AMERICA

What you probably won't hear today as this story gets played over and over and over. Giuliana Sgrena wrote for a newspaper called "Il Manifesto." As you might suspect from the name, it's one of Italy's communist newspapers. Now hold on a second. I'm not saying that Sgrena got what she deserved because she writes for a communist newspaper. I am saying that it would be illogical to expect either Sgrena or the newspaper she writes for to be at all sympathetic to the situation faced by our forces in Baghdad. Both Sgrena and her newspaper were adamantly opposed to the war in Iraq. Il Manifesto is already accusing U.S. Forces of assassinating the secret service agent, and her partner (whatever that means) says that the shooting was intentional. He referred to the U.S. troops as "imbeciles or terrorized kids who shoot at anyone."

[....]

Of one thing you can be sure. The next time there is some controversy surrounding a reporter from some right wing newspaper you can rest assured that the affiliation will be highlighted in virtually every news story. The unwritten rules demand that right wingers always be identified as such, while leftists are treated as the norm.

And They Want Apologies?
Well here's a concept. I WANT APOLOGIES FROM THEM. They have just given TERRORISTS one million dollars to secure the release of this ONE journalist. And while communist or not, I'm thankful she's out of the hands of terrorists and home safely with her family, the fact that the Italians have just given the dwindling TERRORISTS (sorry, insurgents is just a ridiculous word for those TERRORIZING the Iraqi people) an extra MILLION to fund the murder of innocent Iraqi civilians and coalition troops is DESPICABLE.

So the next huge car bomb that goes off killing 125 people or more, instead of this journalist and others demanding to know why AMERICAN FORCES are not providing enough security, maybe we demand to know why ITALIANS ARE FUNDING TERRORISTS SO THEY CAN KEEP MURDERING.

When my husband is back over there and God forbid is mourning more lost friends and co-workers, I'd like to ASK the Italians how it feels to have funded murderers so they can keep murdering.

These type of people hold signs up saying our forces are murderers, they kill women and children. However, THEY are the ones that give large sums of money so these terrorists can keep buying the explosives and weapons that CLEARLY kill innocent women and children.

I don't believe this reporter's story for one minute. The latest version I heard on the news earlier is that a tank rolled up next to them and started firing, that they weren't near a checkpoint. Well here's a concept you IDIOTS. IF you are going to fund terrorists to get the release of a hostage, at least give our forces the heads up so when you are speeding up on one of our checkpoints we don't mistake YOU for the very folks you are funding and open fire.

Our troops did nothing wrong. The "victims" can blame only themselves for the outcome of their funding of terrorists.

More McCain Feingold Idiocy....

2005-03-04T07:23:00.000-08:00

So you have a blog and on your blog, you like to talk politics. Well, if these new rules are put in place, you could be fined for linking to any campaign sites.

Now let me see if I understand this correctly. We DO live in the US of A, right? What in the heck is going on here?

Last year, I linked to the Kerry campaign site - and trust me when I say I didn't link out of support! I was pretty disgusted by Kerry's use of the "F" word continuously on his site. It wasn't visitors posting responses and using the "F" bomb - it was articles written by reporters ABOUT Kerry - quoting KERRY directly as he dropped the "F" bomb in every other paragraph.

So under these new "rules," I couldn't link to Kerry's site and if I DARED to link to it I'd be fined. What in the world is happening to our freedom in this country?!!

I found this story on Boortz's site this morning. You can read his take here:
GOVERNMENT CENSORS AFTER THE INTERNET

Email...

2005-02-25T18:29:00.000-08:00

Just a short note to let anyone interested know the email for The Deployment Diary is now working. Ok, so it never stopped working, I just couldn't find the password lol.

Password has been found though. Email away...

I write like a man...

2005-02-22T06:58:00.000-08:00

Over at Bunker (link to right), I found a link to the Gender Genie which tells you whether writing is more likely to be done by a male or female.

I tried three samples. One long one from a forum where I wrote about Eason Jordan. I figured due to the nature of my thoughts it would come back male and it did.

I tried the return article from below when my husband returned. Thinking that due to the nature of its topic it would come back female. Nope. Got another male result.

I tried another longer entry below and again, male.

Guess I've got a gender-writing identity crisis going on LMAO.

Later...

Back to Blogging

2005-02-21T07:40:00.000-08:00

Well, it's been quite a long time since I updated my blog. Figure today is as good a day as any.

Lets see - what's new?

I guess the biggest thing is Mr. Meticulous decided not to retire. I'm relieved quite honestly. It was apparent once he returned that despite what he said, despite doing up the paperwork and walking it through the chain of command - he was NOT ready to say good-bye to the Army. The DAY he was taking his paperwork to Retirement Services, the CSM offered him a job. The same job he had in Iraq. Only difference was, the Army was also giving him the promotion so he'd be getting the pay for doing the job this time too. So, here we are :). I guess we have another six years or so lol.

There was a lot of rangling with DA - getting them to agree to leave us here another two years and not move us etc., and once all that was done we were staying an Army family and staying put. I'm ready to move, but this is best for now considering he'd been home around three months when the DoD announced they were already back on the list to head BACK to Iraq for another year. Yea, freaking, me.

Damn I'm dreading going through all that again. The fear - no, the sheer terror. The heartache, the loneliness, the - hell, you and I both get the idea. War is hell on EVERYONE who actually has someone IN the fight. If your loved one hasn't dodged bombs, mortars every night while they (try to) sleep and people shooting at them - all the while you're getting up to the minute news accounts wondering if the one you love is alive or one of the dead, please don't tell me you know what I went through or will be going through again in the months ahead. You have NO CLUE. None. I just hope this time he's not in Ramadi again. Give them a nice, cushy palace somewhere. A place the locals want them to help rebuild or something. I just pray it's not, once again, in the heart of the shit hole of the Sunni Triangle.

I guess that's about all the important news here. There's more, of course, but it'd bore everyone to tears. The purpose of this blog was to document my (many) emotions while he was gone. I guess the next purpose will be to document the (many) emotions leading up to the next deployment - and another year of hell once it begins again.

Well, I'll try to update again maybe Thursday or Friday - now that I found my username and password again lol.

On Day 339 - Wednesday August 18th 2004...

2004-09-13T17:36:00.000-07:00

he returned home.

It was the first time in our experience he was ever first in AND first out as in, going advanced party and coming home Advon. Although I was sure there was NO way our luck would be that great, it turned out to be true ;). I finally allowed myself to believe he was really coming home when I got a call from a friend (who has friends in high places lol) saying they had landed in our state and were an hour away. At that moment, I finally started believing that I wouldn't get to the hangar and end up either waiting for hours or end up back home to wait another day for his return.

The last time he deployed to the middle east, it took no less than five weeks of "this week I'll be on a plane home" only to get a call when he should have been on a layover in Germany telling me that instead, he'd never gotten out of the sand. For the first time in our lives, everything worked like clockwork AND they even got in two hours earlier than expected which NEVER happens! Seems one CONUS stop was cancelled, so it knocked an entire two hours off the wait which was extremely welcomed as you can imagine!

The day of, I left three hours early ha! I just couldn't sit here any longer. If I was up and moving - I was fine. If I sat down and had a moment to think, my heart would feel as though it might pound out of my chest. When I stopped at the local gas station to get the babies and I a soda, my phone rang. It was my friend telling me they had landed and were an hour from our installation. Although we were still three hours from reunion, just knowing he was in the same state was such a relief.

I don't even remember the drive to the installation. I do remember at one point thinking about all the drives I had made on this stretch of the interstate alone. How this drive would be the last one I'd make where if something happened, I was on my own with two children. Instead, the cell phone I'd had connected the week before would be in his pocket and if something were to happen from here on out, he was only a phone call away. Just the thought of being able to pick up a phone and CALL HIM had me fighting tears.

I stopped outside the gate and called Mother. I told her he was in the state and we were just hours from seeing one another. She cried on her end and I sat and cried on my end... I made it a point to thank her for being there for me throughout this entire past year. My mother stood by me every step of the way this past year. And, a lot went on outside of him being deployed with my health - and through it all she was the gentle yet strong person I drew a lot of my own strength from during it all. She of course said I didn't have to thank her, it's what Mothers do. However, I know not all Mothers are like mine and no matter how often we've had our disagreements in the past - the older I get the more I appreciate her. She deserves much more than a tearful thank you over the phone, but I'm hopeful to have ample opportunities in the future to do for her as much as she's done for me throughout my life.

I hung up the phone and proceeded to the gate. It was hotter than heck out and I had a long red dress on - a summery/casual sleeveless jumper type dress with a white shirt on under it and sandals. Out of all my trips on post, of course this would be the ONE time I have to be targeted for my vehicle to be searched lol. The gate guards were very sweet and I explained I was on my way to FINALLY see my husband after a year and didn't really relish in the idea of getting grease on my dress. There was something about them not being able to open the hood of the car and I would have to do it. When I explained, they got the hood unlatched for me so I didn't have to reach in there and then I just had to lift it up while they looked. After that, we were back on schedule.

We hit the PX and walked around for a while. We drove around base for a while to waste time. My friend with the connections had told me the "password" to get in the hangar early if I wanted to go early - so we headed over about an hour prior to the time of the ceremony. People were already there, so we had no troubles going straight in and getting a good seat. The few days before, it had been cool here - really felt like fall. That day, it had shot back up to the 100 degree mark and there wasn't a fan in that hangar lol. Darn hot to say the least lol.

To my surprise, the time went by so quickly and before I knew it, my husband's best friend's wife arrived. I'd saved her and her son a seat. Right on time, the ceremony started. They announced, "The advanced party of (insert brigade info) Combat Team - we welcome you home!!!" We all jumped to our feet as about 100 soldiers in DCUs started marching in. I saw my husband the second he entered the hangar. It's as if God played a hand in the entire day because we were on the second row of chairs and both my husband and his best friend were the front row in formation and right in front of us practically.

I could see the tears well up in his eyes when he saw our babies - they had grown so much in a year. Our daughter who had done so well throughout the entire year finally let go as we waited for the crowd to settle down and the COL to give a short speech - she cried. No, she sat down and sobbed with her face in her hands. Of course, that got my tears flowing.

Thankfully, after the National Anthem, God Bless the USA, a short prayer and then a short speech, the COL said, "And now what you've all been waiting to hear....DISMISSED!!!" Before I knew it dh had made his way through a group of folks and picked me up. He held me so tight I couldn't breathe, yet for the first time in a year I felt as though I could finally breathe.....

We made our way through the crowd after a few photos and got in the car to come home. As odd as it was, when I started the car, SheDaisy's song "Come Home Soon" was the song playing on the radio. I couldn't count the times I'd heard it while finishing our bedroom before he came home and it felt so wonderful...him actually being in the car with us while the song played. Yes, of course the tears rolled down my cheeks on that one too ;).

The afternoon was spent showing him the house and what all was finished (and not finished lol) and just spending time together as a family. He was most impressed with the dining room (LOVES the plate rail and wainscoting), but ended up loving the color of the bedroom too thankfully. He took a shower and found the new clothes I'd bought him. He decided he'd like to go out to eat, so that's what we did. The first afternoon just seemed to speed by and before we knew it, bath time for the babies and their bed time was here.

After we put them to bed, we sat down in the living room. I had truly thought after a year, those first hours together would be a bit odd in some way. Maybe it would take us a few days to feel normal again or a few days to feel as though normal was him here instead of normal being us living alone. However, we sat there in the living room and looked at each other for a few minutes not saying anything. I said, "You know, I thought this would feel like a dream - having you here, seeing you in the house again - being able to kiss you and hug you. The odd thing is, it feels like the year was a dream. It's like you've been in the field for a month or something - there's nothing odd feeling. There's nothing odd, nothing feels uncomfortable. I KNOW there is a year gone, but it doesn't feel like it now that you are here. It seems like it was just yesterday I was sitting in the foyer sobbing because you'd just left..."

We moved the conversation on to the porch and spent the next hour talking about how everything felt so normal. I worried maybe our son would be a bit standoff-ish. He'd only been two when Daddy left and unlike our daughter, he didn't have a lot of his own memories - he had a lot of memories from listening to us talk about Daddy while he was gone. Our son was (and is) stuck to Daddy like glue though. Our daughter is a Daddy's girl and always has been. Other than the tears during the ceremony and some tears on the way home that day, she too is stuck to Daddy. The three of us had built such a bond during this past year and I worried how dh would fit into that, but heck - they just dumped me no problem LMBO! It's as it always has been - Daddy's the man and Mommy is the Enforcer lol!

He's not gotten leave yet of course, but if Daddy is home, both children are where Daddy is and doing what Daddy is doing ;). This morning he had to go in early so he was gone before the babies got up for breakfast. Our son started the morning out with tears - he missed Daddy. Daughter was down in the mouth through breakfast and had little to say which is not like her in the mornings lol. Before we left for school though, the phone rang. Daddy wanted to tell them both good morning and tell daughter to have a good day at school since she wasn't awake when he left. Immediately, the mood of both of them improved. It's those types of things where I see the impact of the deployment - tears when prior to this, Daddy leaving before them getting up was no big deal. Now, it's as if a little bit of fear creeps in and they have to be reminded that Daddy will be home for supper even though they know he will. Other than that, I'd say our family isn't having any issues getting back into the swing of things. It's almost eerie how it's as if there wasn't a year of our lives spent apart from one another...

For my husband, he's had no problems getting back into normal life. I'd read online (and from my friend concerning her husband) about soldiers having problems with anger or having problems in crowds or while driving - or a million other things. For my husband though, he's the same person he's always been. There are things he hasn't talked a lot about and that's fine with me. I would never push him for info and I know when he's ready to talk he will and if he's never ready, I can respect that.

He's yet to mourn the loss of two of his good friends (in my opinion). He was suppose to go with one of his buddies and visit his closest's friend's grave that first week he was home, but he's never said if they went or not. And, I won't be asking him. He will tell me when he's ready. He had asked me to get a bracelet made with his friend's name, their unit info and the day he died while he was still in Iraq. I had it waiting on him when he got home and he asked me for it not long after we got to the house that first afternoon. Since I handed it to him, he's worn it and I figure he will continue to wear it in honor of his friend for years to come.

I now know during his year in Iraq, my husband was awarded a Bronze Star. According to my husband, it's no big deal. And, I'm not quite sure of the circumstances surrounding it, but I don't need to know in order to be proud of him - and I've never been more proud of anyone in my life. I had the opportunity to read some of his NCOERs that were done while he was over there and I was speechless. I'm so in awe of this man and what he has done and has accomplished this past year - and in his entire life. I've always considered myself to be blessed to be his wife, but these days I sit and know that I've yet to do anything to be truly deserving of that blessing. I'll never fully understand what he sees in me - why he loves me like he does. I just know I'm so thankful he does and I'm so blessed to be loved by him. He's always meant everything to me - from the day I met him on a blind date - to the days of sitting here trembling in fear screaming to God in my heart to please not let him be one of the dead the news was reporting.

As for me, I've had more trouble getting back into normal life than anyone in our family. Even with all the tears I cried while he was gone, all the worrying and everything else that goes with having a loved one in combat - I'm still trying to pick up the pieces and move on. I'm just finding it harder than I thought it would be. It seems like everything that I stuffed through the entire year is slowly coming to the surface now. He's been home almost a month and I still catch myself waking up in a jolt in the middle of the night like he was still over there and thinking, "What time is it there? What time is it now? What has the news reported since the last time I checked??" Then realizing that he's home and he's sleeping right there next to me - and I can go back to sleep and REALLY sleep....

I find I react to things differently too. Things that would have never worried me before this past year can send me into a panic. One example is the afternoon he went to test drive a truck. We'd driven down to the dealership and he'd gotten in a truck to go test drive it. I'd stayed in our car with the babies and moved the car to the front of the dealership to wait on him. We are bad about trading in cars every few years, so we've done this plenty of times lol. This certainly wasn't the first time one of us had waited with the babies (so we don't have to undo carseats) while the other test drove a vehicle.

Well, time went by and he wasn't back from the test drive. We got to twenty minutes of him still being gone and our daughter said, "Daddy sure has been gone a long time." The longer he was gone, the more worried I got. It completely consumed me to where I was fighting tears while I watched for the truck to come down the road.

About the time I was about to get myself and the babies out of the car and go look for the salesman, husband opened up the passenger door of our car and said he was sorry it was taking so long. The salesman was printing off the invoice so we could take it home to look at. I told him I didn't realize he was back and thought he was still test driving and I was worried. He said he'd waved when he drove past us when he got back from the test drive and thought we saw him. I'd gotten myself so worked up, I broke down and sobbed right there in front of him and God and the world - like a moron. Husband felt so bad that he'd worried me like that and I felt like a big old dork for crying and worrying over him TEST DRIVING a darn truck...

It's things like that where my reactions are not fitting to the situation. Before, I would have figured he decided to get on the interstate and try it out. Now, I worry that he's had a wreck and he's hurt - and I don't know where he is and it is shear terror as if he were still sitting in that God awful town in Iraq he called home for a year. It's as if I'm having trouble turning off the constant worry. It's better now than it was when he first got home, but I'm still finding myself becoming overwhelmed by emotions that aren't fitting to a particular situation. Sort of like I'm still trying to get my heart and mind to understand that I don't have to live in constant fear anymore. Or maybe it's some deep seeded fear that if I stop worrying now that he's home and safe - NOW something will happen... Heck, I don't know, but I do know it's been harder than I ever thought it would be to get out of that mindset of fear. I guess it just shows the differences between my husband and I. He's the one that lived in danger in that hell hole for a year and I'm the one having the trouble getting back to normal. He's the strong one of our relationship and I'm the weak one for sure...

Thankfully, he's very understanding about it all and doesn't mind that I cry easily and often these days lol. He says you can't go from living in a constant state of worry and fear and just shut it off - and I guess he's right. I thought I was pretty good about not holding a lot of things in while he was gone, but I'm realizing now that I held in a lot more than I thought I did. I'm hoping that most of it has come to the surface now and I'm done with the crying over the fact his blue jeans are in the wash and I actually get to fold them for him ;).

It's just such a relief to have him home. Thank you all for the prayers and kind words throughout this past year - and a special thank you to my friends who held me up on the days I couldn't stand alone. I love you and hope to spend a lifetime being half the friend to you that you've been to me.

Day 337 - Tired, darn tired.

2004-08-16T14:02:00.000-07:00

The lawnmower finally died. Have to figure out how I'm going to get one home lol. A friend said Sears would deliver, so I'll check into that later this week or this weekend.

I'm doing laundry today and a lot of other piddly stuff that needs done. The outside is all taken care of except for the pond. Figure I'll do that tomorrow afternoon.

Update: Took a break in the middle of writing this lol. I just finished the last load of laundry and put it away. Whew, I hate doing laundry. Only the twin sheet and a few towels are drying now. Tonight we'll work on our welcome home sign so we have plenty of time to go buy another sheet if this one doesn't turn out good lol.

Nothing else going on. Just trying to stay busy. Hope everyone has a great week.

Day 333 - Wasted Day

2004-08-12T21:09:00.000-07:00

I sat in front of the computer most of the day. I had so much to do and instead I sat here. Oh well, tomorrow will be one busy day that is for sure ;).

Nothing new to tell really. Got my car out of the garage yesterday with the help of a neighbor. So I now have neighbors calling asking if he's home. Umm, no lol. I just thought I should probably get the cars cleaned up and the garage cleared out before he does get home lol. Maybe even start driving MY car instead of his ha ha!

Day 331 - A Productive Day

2004-08-10T22:42:00.000-07:00

Today turned out to be a decently productive day lol. I didn't get started until late, but considering when I did start, I really did get a lot done. Our bedroom of course didn't need much of anything done to it other than dusting and finally getting my perfume moved from the bathroom back to the bedroom. Not sure why, but I've always kept my perfume on my dresser.

My two babies were such great helpers today!! I honestly thought downsizing our son's room would be a problem. He tends to be like his Mommy and want to keep EVERYTHING ha! But, while I worked on cleaning the fan (box fan that desperately needed to be taken apart and cleaned), I told him to start two piles - toys he wanted to keep and toys and things he wanted to throw away. By the time I got in there, he'd made a big pile of both! I was so proud of the way he had determined what was worth keeping and what needed to go. We cleaned out his closet, vacuumed everything, washed windows and baseboards - reorganized his closet and room. It looks so great in there!! His closet it ORGANIZED where you can even walk in there now lol - and all his toys have a place in his room and all his stuffed animals he doesn't sleep with are now on the dresser. We have this little end table the husband and I picked up somehow when we first married. Maybe it was something he brought into the marriage lol, but I can guarantee you I didn't buy the thing ROTFL. Anyhow, I painted it white years ago and it's seen better days. Our son will be getting a new bedroom suit in October probably, so the table will be tossed when we do. It worked out perfectly though, the way the legs are, his books lined up so well between them. On the top of it, I washed his lamp shade and put his lamp on it. I showed him how to turn the dial to turn it on and off. He was THRILLED to have his lamp on the table instead of his dresser so he could turn it on and off whenever he wanted. We had the talk about turning it on and leaving it on - and being sure to turn it off when he wasn't going to be in his room ;).

After that, I vacuumed the baseboards in the hall, around the railings on the staircase in the upstairs hall and vacuumed the hall. Then washed the doors and the baseboards down - then made my way to the bathroom. I cleaned it and organized my makeup and stuff that stays on the counter. The entire time I was doing that, daughter was working on her room. I told her she was old enough to decide what she wanted to throw away instead of making a pile that I go through. That made her feel like such a big girl - and really, these days I honestly feel as though she's seven going on seventeen. She just acts so grown up that sometimes, I have to remind myself she's only seven. She's just so mature for her age. Mother says I was always the same way, but gosh I want her to stay little for a while longer. She's already starting to get interested in makeup and clothes and her hair...*sigh* It seems like yesterday we were watching our new baby sleep while husband and I wiped tears because she was just so beautiful and we couldn't believe we'd been so blessed.

By the time I vacuumed and finished in the bathroom, it was time for supper. So, we called it a day with plans of getting an early start tomorrow. First, we have to get up and go register her for school. Then, we'll come home and get the rest of the upstairs finished and work our way down. I'm hoping to finish in time to at the least get the rest of the downstairs spring-cleaned. I dread taking these curtains down and washing all the windows downstairs. Maybe I'll wait on that until it's really fall lol.

This evening after night night time, a thunder boomer rolled through. Little guy woke up and started crying. I can't stand to hear my babies cry - it makes my heart hurt, but to know they are scared and crying makes this panic thing hit me. So I rushed up as fast as I could and got him. I was carrying him downstairs and daughter asked if she could come with us. OF COURSE goof ball lol - both of them got a laugh out of that lol. Like I'd say, "NO you stay up here and watch the lightening and listen to the thunder while we're downstairs watching TV." Sheesh lol. She's not too fond of storms either and brought the flashlight just in case we ended up needing it ;).

Well, little guy got on the couch, big sister covered him up and he was out like a light. Never heard the rest of the big crashes of thunder than happened. Once the storm moved on, I carried him upstairs. He's so big now, his feet are past my knees - not so easy to carry him up two flights of stairs as it is down lol. Daughter stayed up a while longer and we watched the end of some funny movie. I'd bought myself some new nail polish at Wal-Mart yesterday and did my nails. I ended up doing her toenails and fingernails too - and she was THRILLED lol. We had a really fun time hanging out together just the two of us. With little guy, it's not often that daughter and I just have some us time, so tonight was a nice evening with just the gals ;).

Another busy day tomorrow, but hopefully by this time tomorrow night, my house will be back to the way it usually looks. It feels so good to know I'm almost done with the upstairs!

Day 330 - Bad Start to the Day, But a Good Ending

2004-08-09T21:34:00.000-07:00

I woke up to a forwarded email from my husband. The forward was from one of the parents asking when he would be home and - stating they'd like to be here when he got off the plane. They would only stay a few hours after that, as to not intrude. Yeah. Riiight.

Considering both parents came the weeks just before he left for a year, I thought I'd made it clear that upon return, our children would be the focus, not the parents. I'm still burned around the edges over pre-deployment. In three weeks, my babies had to say good-bye to a grandpa and a grandma - and then say good-bye to their Daddy. Our house went from feeling full, to in an instant, crickets chirping. It was a lot for me to adjust to, it was even more for a then six year old and two year old.

I emailed back "it's up to you." And then spent the morning wanting to kick in the computer. Why would someone want to come and "just be there a few hours" when two babies have not seen their father in a year?

Husband called tonight and explained that no, he didn't mean my thoughts on the parent visiting. Instead my thoughts on - well, never mind. The email was sent saying that he hasn't seen his wife or children in a year and we need this time to ourselves.

For heaven's sake. WE DO. WE NEED THIS TIME. I don't understand why parents cannot get that. And, as far as both of them go, neither are on my good side at the moment. I resent the HELL out of BOTH of them not so much as sending a card, much less calling their granddaughter on her birthday a month ago. My baby looking for Grandma's card and never getting it jerks my chain. Grandma makes homemade cards and they usually have neat things hanging off of them and stamps and stickers - and not even a card. "Do you think she forgot my birthday Momma?" No, baby, she must have sent it and it got lost in the mail. I'm sure she'll call you when she can, she's working a lot right now...

Thankfully, daughter hasn't brought it up since. MY parents sent her presents and cards...not to mention my great friend here who came out to celebrate with us and brought Trendy Mom and her daughter too. She had a fun day and a big party.

This morning we (the friend, her two and me and my two) headed out to the big town. I bought a new mirror to hang over the sink in the bedroom. It's antiquish looking and matches well I think. I bought some sheer material - off white/tan color and plan to make the sheer panels for the windows and we'll buy the curtains. We spent TWO hours in the craft store lol and we still didn't feel like we saw everything. They had a lot of things marked down 60%! I almost came out of there putting us in the poor house, but I only bought what we needed ;).

Then we hit the buffet. We grazed for an hour and a half lol. I'm ashamed to admit that I had to undo a button to make it through Wal-Mart ha! Bought the husband some new socks and the daughter three new dresses for school. They are sooo cute! They have the prep-school looking skirt to them (plaid and pleated) - but they are all one piece. We found her a new pair of tennis shoes and a pair of brown leather shoes with a good sole (for the snowy/icy days). With the outfits I purchased her at the PX a few weeks ago (or was it Wal-Mart), a pair of dress shoes and new tights should be enough to get us through fall.

After that, we stopped by the Ford Dealer. I'd found a 2004 Black Explorer with low miles and a good price. Unfortunately, it sold that morning. The sales guy said they were getting a shipment in either late this evening or in the morning. I gave him the info of what I was looking for and the amount I wouldn't go over. He said he thought he might could get me into a new one with some of the rebates and specials on financing. I told him I was stopping by our town's dealership to look at a blue Explorer they had. He said not to sign anything - any deal they gave me he would beat. He said if I couldn't make it back down tomorrow, he'd bring the truck to me. Dh said tonight on the phone - he sounds pushy, beware lol.

We aren't wanting to buy today or even next week. It's going to be finding that perfect vehicle priced at a bargain, some good financing and a good value on the trade...it will all fall into place or it won't. I'm willing to wait for the 2005s to hit the lot and the push to get the 2004s out of the way if I have to. The next family vehicle we buy, it's going to be something I keep for six to ten years, so I'm not settling - even on the color. They had a 2002 sitting there on the lot and the doors were unlocked. I opened the door and the interior is absolutely gorgeous! The newer Explorers are wider than the one we had...it's just so roomy! I still miss my Mountaineer - but after seeing the new interior up close and personal, I don't think I'll miss it if I can find that perfectly priced Explorer ;).

We didn't get home until almost six. I got a head start on tomorrow and cleaned out the glasses cabinet, tossed old cough medicine and plastic cups little guy no longer uses. I organized it so well, I was able to move my coffee cups from next to the plates to where the glasses are (which make more sense). I cleaned out from under the sink. It just needed organizing is all.

Tomorrow I'll start upstairs and work my way down. I plan to end the day with cleaning the fridge and stove. Wednesday, I'll spend the day in the yard hopefully - then the rest of the week is mine to sit around and - well, do nothing if I want ;). I like the sound of that...

Day 329 - Saturday's Attack of the Spiders

2004-08-08T18:35:00.000-07:00

So today I didn't do much. Due to medication I take and my medical issues, it messes with my tummy. I love how you take one medication to do one thing and then another medication to thwart side-effects of the first medication lol. One of my medications causes nausea so I take another medication to keep from being sick all the time. I feel like at times I have a pharmacy going on in my home. Another side effect is not being able to go - so when it gets really bad, I have to take something to fix that problem and considering the problems my belly has that causes the need for medication to begin with - the pain when taking something to get you going again is unbelievable. Last night before bed I took the little chocolate square that I honestly believe could be used as a torture device lol . I knew today would be a day of fun in the bathroom, with cold sweats and not knowing if I was going to throw up, go poop or both. Yep, guessing about now you're really glad you clicked on this blog to read lol. So today was spent on the couch with a cold rag and the air conditioner going full blast because when I hurt that bad, being even a little on the warm side makes me feel nauseous. Sunday was a total bust concerning doing anything productive around here. I woke up and felt ok - thought hmm, maybe I won't have the horrible cramps I usually get when I take the chocolate torture device. I made some coffee, sat down at the computer and within twenty minutes knew I was in for the day from hell. The rest of the day was spent in the bathroom and on the couch and I have a ton of stuff to do around here. I hate my body.

Yesterday, I did get the porch cleaned and all the new flowers I purchased planted. The porch was a complete and total nightmare. I took everything off the porch - the wicker, the plant stands with the ferns, the tables etc. I washed all the cushions on the wicker and repotted the flowers I'd bought at the commissary to put on the wicker tables. Then it came time to actually clean the porch. For the past six months or so, we've been parking on the side of the house and coming in the back door. I check the mail after the babies go to bed, so it's dark and I hadn't noticed how bad the spider webs had taken over everything out front :(. I think I've mention how much I detest spiders in another entry lol.

I get the broom and start knocking down cobwebs above the windows and in between the columns on the porch. I noticed a spider here or there, but nothing major. Little did I know that scream-fest that was upcoming lol.

I get the hose out to wash all the dirt off of everything. It's the one bad thing about this town, it just seems to be really dusty here. So, I start on the big window to the right of the front door. I spray and to my horror, about 10 spiders come out of tiny cracks in between the ceiling's boards. I stop spraying, run inside and grab some hornet spray. It has the long stream so you can be several feet away. I had regular ant/spider spray, but the thought of having to stand on a chair to get close enough to spray was not appealing to me lol.

Once I sprayed the hornet spray, what I saw next had me let out a scream and run off the porch lol. I'm sure my neighbors are quite certain that I've lost my mind. I sprayed the bug spray and twenty to thirty spiders ran out of their hiding spots, would lose their bearings and hang down on a single thread of web and blow in the wind. It honestly looked like something out of a horror movie! Just thinking about it now makes me feel as though I have bugs crawling on me.

I've now figured out why we've seen more spiders in the house...our front porch was infested! Two of my neighbors ventured over after I had almost finished. They said they've noticed more spiders around their homes too this year. After talking, we all pretty much concluded it was due to the mild summer we've had. We have had several weeks of 100 degree temps, but they've been spread out through the summer. We've had a lot of spring and fall-like days throughout the summer. When husband called, he said, "Now you see why I knock down spider webs and clean off the porch each week." I said no, you do that because you are obsessive compulsive, but nice try lol.

Anyhow, back to the spiders. To make a very long story short, 6 cans of hornet spray and two trips to the local grocery to buy more - and I think I have most of the spider problem taken care of. My gosh I've never seen so many spiders in my life! They ranged from the size of a quarter (legs and all) to tiny baby spiders (lots and lots of babies *shivers*). Each time I sprayed twenty to thirty came out of their hiding spots. I'd say all in all I probably killed 160+ spiders by the time I finished the entire porch. Whew, I'm so glad to have this done.

Tomorrow, my friend and I are heading out to the big town about thirty minutes from here. We'll be buying all the things we need to do our welcome home signs. She also knows of a great place to eat, so we're going to eat lunch together while we're out. It should be a fun day.

Tuesday, I start busting my rear around here. I cannot believe what a lazy bum I've turned into these days :(. All I can do is sit around and be in this odd sort of daze thinking about how different it is going to be to finally have him home and us be a inside-the-same-home family again! I'm really perplexed about my reaction to his return. I try to imagine what it will be like to have him home, see him walking around the house - see him coming through the front door after work and I just can't. I'm so used to living alone and being such a loner. The thought of not being alone anymore - well, it truly just doesn't seem real to me. I guess it's not really that odd. I have a tendency to do this before we go on a vacation or before family comes to visit. I'll not be bouncing off the walls like I think I should be - it's like a defense mechanism I guess - where in case something comes up and we can't go on vacation or something happens and family can't come visit after all, I don't get upset about the change in plans. Then, when we return from vacation or after our family leaves - I look back and wonder how in the world I wasn't just beside myself with excitement prior to it happening.

At any rate, I won't be around much next week. I'm determined to get what I need to get done around the house and yard and be completely finished by Friday. Then maybe over the weekend, focus on finishing up the dining room or something. The week after, the babies and I plan to go to the pool every day. I don't expect to be online much over the next several weeks so the babies and I can spend a lot of time at the pool and the park before school starts.

Hope everyone has a great week.

Day 326 - A Relaxing Week

2004-08-07T14:10:00.000-07:00

I've spent the week doing nothing but sitting at the computer reading all the news and blogs I wanted lol! I even posted a lot on a military spouse site that I frequent, but hadn't had time to post on much the past few weeks. Starting this afternoon and through next week I won't be around much again. I have to get the house fall-cleaned/downsized like I should have been doing this week. I want it done a good amount of time prior to his return so I can relax a few weeks before he does come home and just do a regular cleaning right before he arrives. I also want to have some "me" time to read a book - or now that it's cooled off (hopefully it'll stay cool lol), maybe even work on finishing up that afghan I've been working on for two years lol before he gets home!

I was suppose to be outside cleaning off the porch and cutting the backyard this morning but I ended up sitting on the computer instead. Lots of good conversations about Kerry going on in the current events forum at the website I visit. I wanted to give my good .30 cents lol. And, well - I did LMBO! My biggest irritation factor is someone saying the "Bush Lied" rhetoric and not backing it up. HE DIDN'T LIE. I'm often so surprised at how highly educated folks (especially the ones who ask others to do research) easily carry that one party line. When asked to back it up, these same educated folks post things that have nothing to do with the supposed LIE and think they are "showing YOU" lol. For the record: Bush, (or for that matter not ONE person in his administration) EVER said Hussein had connections to the September 11th plot. Search until your heart is content but, he never said such a thing. Their is ample evidence he did have ties to terrorists and terrorist organizations (even the NY times and WAPO has articles admitting that), the admin did say that - but never said he had a hand in September 11th. Whew, I feel better.

I went to look at a few SUVs yesterday. These people are NUTS. They wanted $25,000 for a Rodeo and the darn interior looks just like it did when we bought a brand new 1996 or maybe it was 1997 model. The only difference was the interior's cloth seats were even UGLIER than they were back then. Anyhow, with it being the exact same, that tells me it's going to ride just like the other - and it would beat the hell out of you on the interstate. It about killed me when I was pregnant and we drove the 12 hours to visit my family. Anyhow, needless to say I told the guy he could keep it. If we're going to have to pay an arm and a leg for a SUV, I'll wait until they put some demos out for sale and get a really good deal on one I actually LIKE. So, I'll be keeping my eyes peeled for good deals this fall once the 2005s come out. No good deals? I'll keep my little good on gas car ;).

Lets see, this afternoon/evening it's cut the backyard and clean the porch - repot some plants. If I have time, we'll clean out the pond, if not - we'll do it in the morning before we start upstairs doing the massive fall cleaning/downsizing. My friend has a relative that is in a tight spot money-wise and has asked for daughter's and son's outgrown clothes. That's such a help to me! I've not donated clothes here yet and hadn't found a local domestic violence shelter to donate them to. With my friend wanting them for her cousin, that cuts out one thing I was going to have to do - find a place to take the bags and bags of children's clothes.

Next week I hope to finish up the house. One day my friend and I are riding to one of the big towns half an hour or so from the house to a fabric/craft store. We are going to go ahead and get our fabric paint to get started on our signs. I'm really looking forward to that. I'm not sure though if the babies and I will do fabric paint or felt. I was thinking of buying a deep blue or maybe red (if I can find it) twin sheet and using red (or blue if I buy a red sheet) white felt to cut out the letters and stars (and the insignia for the division) to glue on to spell out our welcome home messages. Maybe I'll buy one royal blue sheet and one red...hmmm. Decisions, decisions lol. I want to have two though, one to hang up on either side of the porch. Once I get those done, I'll post photos - or email photos.

Hopefully by next weekend I'll be ready to detail the cars and clean out the garage! Ooops, the trash man comes on Thursday, I should probably clean out the garage on Wednesday evening so the garbage guy can pick up everything so it doesn't sit out there entire week killing my grass until it's picked up :(...

So, I guess that's all the news from here. A nice relaxing week - but I stayed up waaay too late most of the week and feel as though I worked my rear off lol. I was determined to go to bed at a decent time last night after driving all over the green earth looking at prices on SUVs. I even turned off one of my favorite movies (Yours, Mine and Ours with Lucille Ball) right at one of the funniest parts (where his children get her drunk when she comes to dinner lol) to go to bed! Woohoo lol. It was sooo cool upstairs and I slept like a rock! Even though I slept so good, it still wasn't enough. I could have stayed in bed a few more hours and the babies didn't even wake up until 8:30 this morning lol.

Hope everyone has a great weekend! The weather is almost fall-like here, so we are really enjoying having the windows open and sleeping in the fresh air at night!

Day 322 - AUGUST IS HERE!!!! - A Ramble...

2004-08-01T08:43:00.000-07:00

July turned out to be like February - months that felt as though they may NEVER end lol. Just finally being out of July is lifting my spirits tremendously! August is here!!! August is here!!! LMBO!! My absolute favorite season is only about a month away!!! I LOVE fall weather and I'm really looking forward to this year's fall! Raking leaves, making lots of soups, working on my afghan in the evenings - and most of all, snuggling with my husband on cool nights when we have the windows open!

Yesterday, the babies and I went on a shopping spree ;). We headed out to the mall after lunch. Daughter and I had our hair cut. I need to take a moment and brag about our son...

Daughter and I were able to get our hair cut at the same time. She was in one chair with a lady cutting her hair and I was in the very next chair with another lady cutting mine. Little man stood next to the counter between the two of us and patiently waited while they cut our hair! He didn't whine, he didn't touch anything on the counter and there were lots of combs, brushes, hair dryers etc. to tempt him lol. He didn't try to venture off or ask if it was time to go... He just stood there quietly and watched the twenty minutes it took the lady to cut my hair. I was so proud of him! After getting my hair cut, the lady took me to the back and ripped hair off my eyebrows lol. I'm finally almost human looking again ROTFL!

Last night I was thinking about how I have just sort of let myself go a bit while he's been gone. It's not that I don't bathe and wear dirty clothes LMBO, but the little things I normally do I stopped doing this year - like having my eyebrows waxed lol or coloring the gray in my hair (hair color upstairs that I'll be using in the next day or so lol).

Normally, while our daughter is getting dressed for school, I also get dressed, fix my hair, put a little makeup on to hide the ugly etc. Since he's been gone, I get up and brush my teeth of course lol, I brush my hair - but I don't fix my hair and put on makeup unless I'm going on the installation that day. The only reason I do so when going on post is in case I run into someone my husband worked with. I didn't want anyone to think his wife was ratty or something LMBO! And, I didn't want someone emailing him saying, "Man, I saw your wife today and she doesn't look like she's doing too good." Even though I'm doing fine for the most part, my husband is the only person's opinion about my appearance I care about lol. Call me old fashioned, but I'm the type of wife who double checks her hair and makeup before starting dinner - making sure I will look nice when he drives up after work. For the rest of the world, I could care less what they think about my appearance lol. I only care that my husband finds me attractive. And, it's not that I care what a co-worker on Rear D might think of my appearance, but I do care that they may mention my appearance to him in a way that would worry him. So even that it's all about him ;). He's just the only person on this earth I want to find me attractive. The only person whose opinion matters to me. Nothing makes me feel attractive like when we're getting ready to go somewhere, I come down the stairs and my husband is standing at the bottom of the stairs waiting and says, "Wow. You look beautiful today!" THAT makes my entire day...even though he says I look beautiful when I'm snoring and drooling LMBO. Yes, he needs new glasses LMBO!!

Lets see - after the mall, it was getting late so I skipped going to Target. My friend that visited said I needed to go to Target to look for accessories for our bedroom. She said they have really good prices and a lot more items to choose from compared to Wal-Mart. I've only been in Target once - and that was when we lived in VA together lol. She'd taken me to Target soon after our daughter was born. Of course, we got there and weren't able to stay long. I'd just had a c-section so walking that far wasn't a bright idea lol. I take that back - I think husband and I went to Target once when we'd taken a trip to Lowes a few years ago. I like Wal-Mart better - they are cheaper lol. Anyhow, maybe next week I'll hit Target and look around. I've decided not to buy anything for the walls or curtains until after he gets home. I will be putting up blinds, but not the curtains to add to the decor of the room lol. That way, we can decorate the room together and it can be OURS, not just something I did.

Back to yesterday lol...

After the mall, we went on to post to get groceries. I decided to hit the Class Six before going to the commissary. We aren't huge drinkers, but he enjoys an ice cold beer while doing yard work and once in a while he'll like a rum and coke while sitting on the porch in the evenings. His favorite rum is Bacardi Le'mon, so I bought him a big bottle of that. It'll last him two years probably LMBO - but I'm slowly trying to get all the things he likes once in a while back in the house so no matter what he's in the mood for to eat or drink, it's in the house waiting on him.

I also hit clothing sales to look around. They had the Blue Star Banner - so I bought one of those and have it hanging on the big window in the living room. On the other side of the house, the dining room has a matching huge window and that window has the yellow ribbon clingy with his rank and name on it. Anyhow, they also had a drill sergeant emblem thing in a clingy (This We'll Defend), so I bought one for his car. I'll be trading in his car here soon for a truck for him, so I wanted the clingy to put on his new truck for him ;).

Clothing Sales had SO many things to choose from in clingys! I purchased a Blue Star one and two that have the big I, a red heart - with MY SOLDIER written in white on the red heart. I'll be putting one on my car and our daughter wanted one to put on her dresser's mirror ;).

Then, off to the commissary we went. It wasn't too bad considering it was Saturday afternoon on payday weekend! Everyone was pretty polite with the exception of two people. One lady was polite, but damn if she didn't walk off and leave her cart right in the middle of each darn aisle. These days they seem to have so much crap in the middle of every aisle you can barely get down them - so throw an abandoned cart in the middle of an aisle into the mix and you can forget getting through. Then there was the man who apparently thinks he's above having to wait in line to get checked out. There was NO line when I went through the maze to make it to the stopping place until they tell the next register to go on. The little electronic voice said to proceed to register three. I start making my way to register three when "I don't have to stand in line" man came from out of nowhere and got to register three before me (insert mad face here). I got in the next register's line...and the cashier - since her registers number hadn't been called sort of gave me a "look." I was sure to say it loud enough for the idiot who didn't wait in line could hear, "I'm sorry to just show up, but apparently he isn't aware you STAND IN LINE and wait your turn, not just come around the barriers and break in front of people." He looked over the candy displays and I glared...he said nothing lol. Probably a good thing. By this time it was close to 5 and we were hungry and tired. I guess the look on my face told him what I thought of him LMBO. Anyhow, it really wasn't a bad experience in the commissary which was quite surprising considering the circumstances! I bought a ton of groceries to start stocking up again...and hopefully I can forgo another trip until next payday!!

What else happened yesterday....

OH!! My husband and I have wanted to buy a swing for our front porch since he took down the half screened in portion and we got our entire front porch presentable lol. I just couldn't bring myself to part with $100 for a 4 foot swing though. When my neighbor sold her house back in the spring, I asked her if she was taking her swing with her and she said no - they were leaving it for the new owners. I told her I wished I'd thought about it, I would have bought the swing from her before they started showing the house lol.

Well, one day last week my daughter noticed the new neighbors had taken down the swing and put up a new wicker swing. When we were leaving yesterday, I saw our new neighbor out. I asked him if he'd be interested in selling the old swing. He said, "No." I thought - well, darn, he must have tossed it or something. Then he said, "I'll be glad to give it to you though!" Gosh our new neighbors are so sweet to us! I told him I could not just take the swing - at least let me give them $20 or $30 for it. He said he'd hear nothing of the sort, that it needed refinishing something awful and it's just sitting in their garage and he'd give it to me when we got back from shopping.

Last night, I got the babies to bed and sat down to call my Dad. We'd been playing phone tag all day ha ha. Well, we weren't on the phone five minutes when the doorbell rang. Guess Daddy and I will have to try to talk next weekend lol. It was my neighbors and they'd brought the swing over. He had come over before I'd primed the walls in the bedroom and wanted to see the finished product, so he and his wife came in and I showed her around. I'm really looking forward to my husband meeting them. They are an older couple and just so extremely nice. This weekend, I plan to buy some apples and make them an apple crisp to take over as a thank you. They've helped with my yard when the back was too high my mower couldn't make it through there, he's always so sweet to my babies when we're out in the yard...and now they've given me this swing. I want to do something really nice for them as a thank you for all their help!

I find it funny how my mind works sometimes. I could have sworn that swing was white for some reason...it's not. It's just finished wood and does need to be sanded and refinished. I'm debating on whether I want to refinish it natural - or if I want to paint it.

I'd like to make us a family logo. I know, that sounds so stupid, but I've seen where people have their last name's first initial done in a specific way - and have that as a theme throughout their home. I thought I could paint the swing white, come up with a logo of sorts for our last name and stencil it on the back of the swing. Make another one out of wood using a jigsaw I have my eye on buying lol and hang it on the gate to the fence. And, a really neat idea I had was when we refinish the floor in our foyer, having the same design stained inside a medallion of sorts on the wood floor - right in the center of the foyer under the chandelier. I've just always been sooo proud to have my husband's last name. I really want to come up with a fancy logo for the initial and use it as a theme throughout our home and yard... Ok, so maybe that's a stupid idea, but it sounds neat right now lol!

Ok, there's the ramble for the day. Today's big plan is to clean the front porch and start getting the outside ready for his return. I really want the porch and backyard to look beautiful when he gets home. I think my friend that lives near the installation is going to ride out today and hang out with us some. Tomorrow evening, the babies and I are heading up to her house. I'm going to bring some deli meat for sandwiches and we're going to have a quick/easy dinner together and then go to the FRG meeting afterwards. We'd originally planned to go out to eat together, but we've both decided we are NOT eating out again before they get home. We're both ashamed to admit to how often we eat out these days LMBO and are trying to curb the habit lol.

I'm off to put on some yard-work clothes, then we'll have some lunch before heading out to do some yard work. I hope you all are having a great weekend!! Our fall-like weather is long gone now, so I'm not sure how much we'll get done in this heat lol.

Day 321 - Reconnecting With a Friend

2004-07-31T08:43:00.000-07:00

My friend and her two children arrived last Sunday afternoon and stayed until Wednesday morning. The evenings, after we had all the babies asleep, were just like old times. We sat up every night until 2 in the morning talking, laughing and watching TV.

Back when we lived in the same area, my husband and I had started our family after meeting them. So, the first almost two years we were friends, she had a toddler and we were a childless couple. She was there when our daughter was born and I'll never be able to thank her enough for being there for my husband and I while I spent three days in labor. She'd bring food for my husband - and sneak me a little food ha ha. While I was still in surgery and my husband stayed with me, she went with our daughter and stayed right by her side until I was out of surgery, back in my room and they brought our baby to us. I was so upset at the thought of our daughter being alone with strangers after being born...she assured me she'd be there with her the entire time - and was. It eased this new Mommy's heart and mind so much.

For some extra money after our daughter was born, my husband worked a second job for a while as a bouncer at a bar right outside the gate of the installation. Of course, he'd gone through the command to get it approved. He'd get home from the Army around 6 pm, eat dinner right quick, change clothes and then bounce at the bar from 7 pm until 2 in the morning. When we look back now, we have no clue how he did it - but he did. Several nights a week, my friend would come over while he was working and stay until about twenty minutes before he would get home from the second job. She didn't want to intrude - being there when he came home after working from 5 in the morning for the Army until 2 in the morning at the bar... I never could go to sleep while he was working at the bar. It was a pretty rough place. She'd come over and help me pass the time.

We'd talk, sometimes color each other's hair - talk some more ha ha. Through the years we've remained friends while we each moved on to different installations and lived on opposite sides of the globe. It was really nice to see her again - and I feel as though we sort of reconnected during this visit. We've remained somewhat close through the years, but this past year - maybe year and a half, I've felt as though we were drifting apart. After this visit, I feel like we're back on track again. Close - as though we've spent all this time living at the same place together.

Our family just has a different parenting style than they do I guess. My children have rules and boundaries and hers do too, but her son (the same age as our son) doesn't seem to have grasped those boundaries just yet lol. The first two days were pretty rough, but by the late afternoon of the third day - things really were better. They could have stayed another few days and I would have been fine with it. Those first two days though, both of us thought "whoa, this ain't gonna work" LMBO! I'm very glad that in the end, things settled down and all of us ended up having a nice time.

She called last night and we talked for a bit. It sounds as though things are going well for her and I'm so relieved. They've had a lot of change in the past six to eight months. Her husband returned from the war, they moved from overseas back to the states, she has some medical problems - it's been a lot of change in a short period of time and a lot of adjustments. I'll keep praying that things continue to settle down and improve for her and her family. If you have a moment, please say some prayers for her. She's the kind of friend who would give you her last five dollars, would get up at 2 in the morning and talk if you called and needed an ear - would fly across the country if an emergency happened and you needed help. We may be different types of parents ;), but I'm truly blessed to have been able to call her friend for going on a decade.

Day 318 - The Calm After The Storm....

2004-07-28T15:25:00.000-07:00

Our house-guests left this morning. I've spent the day straightening up and doing laundry, washing sheets. They left around 8:30 this morning and the silence has been heaven.

Tomorrow night I'll try to sit down and tell the tale.

Hope everyone is having a good week. Tomorrow is Thursday!! Almost another week behind us!!

Day 317 - Life STINKS...

2004-07-27T08:57:00.000-07:00

I'll make this short...

Life STINKS.

If I ever recover emotionally LMAO, I may can bring myself to write about it.

Until then...prayers that tomorrow comes quickly and soon my life gets back to normal.

Day 315 - Not So Relaxing...

2004-07-25T07:32:00.000-07:00

Last night my phone rang. I figured it was my husband. He'd said he was going to call. I answer and it's one of my friends. We've been friends for about a decade. We've not seen each other since Christmas 1997 when they moved to Lousyanna and eight months later we moved to Alaska. From there they went to Germany and just recently moved about six hours from us. She calls and says she's coming up here tomorrow and spending a few days. Now, I'm excited to see her, but I'd planned to take the next few days after the darn bedroom project and just relax. I need to cut grass, I want to clean out closets and drawers. I wanted to clean out my fridge and freezer, cabinets in the kitchen and put my new glasses I bought away. Now, I'm waiting to hear from her to see what time she is leaving. I'll need to go to the grocery store, I need to mop the kitchen and clean bathrooms. I need to cut the grass - but I don't want to get out there yet, afraid I'll miss her call. Ughh.

So, I couldn't sleep last night worrying about what all I'll need to get done before she arrives. And not knowing how long she is staying, I don't know how much groceries to buy...just more stress that I really didn't need right now lol. My week of no stress has turned into having stress LMBO.

I finally went upstairs to go to bed around - gosh it was after midnight. I'm so used to sleeping on the couch, I'd go to roll over and think I was going to roll off the couch LMBO and jolt myself awake lol. Then, I'd realize I'm IN the new bed, roll over, and it'd be soooo comfortable, I'd sigh out loud LMBO!!!! The dogs were really good. I didn't let either of them on the bed and they both found alternative sleeping arrangements lol. Big dog slept with ds and little dog - I'm not sure where she slept. Tonight I'll be taking her small bed upstairs and putting it in our room so she can sleep in it.

At any rate, I'm hoping my friend will at least call this morning and let me know if/when she's leaving. That way, I'll know when to expect her. I guess I'll start my late spring cleaning the first week of August instead of this week lol. It sure feels like fall/spring here! With no windows in my bedroom, the babies came in there this morning and said it was FREEZING. "Aren't you cold Momma?" Momma didn't even open her eyes, she just stretched under the covers on the nice, soft mattress and said, "Not under the covers...it's toasty warm." LMBO!! A favorite phrase of Grandma that makes our son laugh ;).

Hopefully tonight I won't wake myself up every time I roll over lol. Amazing what a year sleeping on the couch will do to you lol. Other than that, the new bed slept great!!

Day 314 - Went Shopping!!

2004-07-24T14:44:00.000-07:00

My friend came over around 11:30 this morning. She oooh'd and aaaah'd over the bedroom. I love that woman lol. She's just so good to me and my babies. We headed out for Pizza Hut buffet and had a great time laughing and joking while grazing lol! It was sooo good!

Then, the babies and I headed to Lowes and Walmart. At Lowes, I bought rope to repair the weights in one of the windows. Then I went on to Walmart where I bought a deep almost coffee color sheets, four pillows, new hairbows, a new hair brush (children lost mine, ughh), new makeup brushes, new undies lol, looked for new PJ's but couldn't find any so I settled on new glasses to drink out of lol.

We're now home and the bed is MADE, the new sheets are ON the bed....and I'm patiently waiting for 9 pm where I can go crawl into my new bed and snore until sometime tomorrow morning LMBO!!! I plan to sleep like a ROCK tonight. It's freezing outside! I tell you, it feels like fall, not the end of July. It's raining and maybe 55 degrees. I'll be getting in that bed, covering up and snoring so loud I wake the neighbors ROTFL!!

Hope everyone else has an equally exiting Saturday night lol! I can't WAIT lol!!

Day 313 - Waiting on Furniture

2004-07-22T22:53:00.000-07:00

I finished everything in the bedroom around 9 pm tonight. I started a little late this morning, so I ended up having to work a little later than I anticipated tonight. First thing I did was get the rest of the tools, primer, paint, paint brushes et al out of the bedroom. Then, I ripped out the carpet in the closet.

I guess the good news is I'm not nuts LMBO. Last week I had this "thing" happen where my shoulders felt as though they were on fire. Like the skin was burning on the inside. I'd get burning up hot - then get chills. It's what I'd imagine hot flashes feel like. It was so bad, I didn't sleep at all last Thursday night. I tried to lay down on Friday night and it was still going on and I couldn't sleep. I called Mother and she said to head up to the UCC (Urgent Care Clinic). I did and after waiting forever - burning up one moment, freezing the next, a PA finally came in. I went through what all I had done the past several days from ripping out carpet to cutting the grass. He asked if I saw mold anywhere and I said no, but one small area in the floor looked as though it had slight water damage. Long story short, he said I was probably having an allergic reaction to something and to give it 48 hours and it should stop. Gave me two sleeping pills. In 48 hours, after being able to sleep both nights, the burning was gone.

Fast forward to today. I guess it's a good thing I left that carpet in the closet. I was for sure that the burning was anxiety and I was finally going off the deep end lol. I rip out the carpet in the closet this morning and carry it out to the trash. I didn't even think anything about the burning issue. After I ripped out the carpet, I immediately started cleaning the windows and the storm windows (they were so nasty). Two hours later, I take a break and notice that my shoulders are tingling. I figure I'm just tired from working my rear off all week and my muscles aren't wanting to keep up. An hour later, my shoulders are on fire again. That was around 1 pm this afternoon. It's now 12 hours later and they are still burning. It's not as bad as last week, but it's burning. Thankfully it was only a small area of carpet and padding to carry out. The only thing I can think of is there is something in that carpet that my body can't handle. The cleaners I used today I didn't use last week - and I've used the same ones for years. The bedroom is finished, I get my new furniture tomorrow, we're going shopping in the afternoon - Saturday my friend is coming out and then I'm taking her and her children out to eat at Pizza Hut for a thank you for helping me last Sunday. I'm not stressed in the least! I actually haven't felt this positive emotionally in a long while. Like I said, I'm glad I was in a hurry the day I ripped out the carpet and decided I could do the closet later - I needed to get to painting. Had I not, I would have always assumed that the stress and anxiety of trying to finish in time made my body act crazy. Now that it's going on again - the carpet seems to be the contributing factor.

Anyhow...

Lets see, the bedroom is COMPLETELY done and waiting on furniture. I cleaned the window sills, used razor blades to clean the paint off the windows - cleaned the sink in the bedroom (odd I know, but it's a common thing in this area to have a sink in one bedroom for guests). Then, I swept the floor, mopped (stopping to scrape off dots of paint I apparently spilled here and there and everywhere lol). We stopped for dinner, then I went back upstairs and started waxing the floor. Waxing a floor by hand is NO fun lol. I kept hearing the Karate Kid saying "wax on, wax off" LMBO!! One coat of wax added a little shine to the floor. Before I knew it, I had decided two coats would look even better lol, so I added a second coat. I let it dry and went back to buffing it with a soft dry cloth. The floor isn't perfect, but it now has a smooth feel to it when you walk on it. Before waxing it, your feet wouldn't slide across the floor at all. After waxing, in socks you could slide across the floor like Tom Cruise in Risky Business if you wanted to lol. It's not as shiny as I'd like, but it's protected now and it looks better all clean and dust free ;).

While I was buffing the second coat, my husband called. That's THREE days this week we have talked! It has truly been a wonderful week being able to talk with him so much. I sort of feel as though we've finished the bedroom together since three nights I worked while talking to him (trying to paint and hold a phone is not so easy for me lol). He's so excited to see the furniture in there. We'd gone to the local furniture store while he was on leave a few weeks prior to finding out he was deploying for a year. We really liked this one bedroom suit. It had a headboard, footboard, dresser with mirror and a tall dresser. Well, we never went back to buy it. In December, husband emailed and said to please go buy the bedroom suit before it was purchased by someone else. So, I did - I put it on layaway because the bedroom wasn't finished and I didn't have anywhere to put it. At any rate, it's been so long, he can't remember what it looked like lol, he just remembers that he really liked it and he measured to make sure it would fit in our bedroom. We both thought the bed was a full size and it turns out it is a queen. I'm praying it will fit better than the king...

Tomorrow, it's clean the house day. For a week now I've sort of let things downstairs go while I finished the bedroom. Now, I have time to really clean the downstairs. It's odd, I know, but I'm really looking forward to it AND cooking dinner! I mean real meals - not quick, hurry lets eat so I can get back upstairs and get to work. I'm so relieved that bedroom is finished, I feel as though 200 lbs have been lifted off my shoulders. I told my husband tonight, I cannot wait to take a shower and crawl into that new bed. I wasn't planning on sleeping in it until he got home, but the couch is killing my back. The thought of that soft pillowtop mattress just makes me imagine getting a great night's sleep!

Ok, it's late. I better get to the couch. Tomorrow is another busy day ;). I'll be sending photos of the bedroom tomorrow after the furniture arrives!

I'm DONE!!!!!!!

2004-07-21T21:01:00.000-07:00

I can't believe it, but I am finally done painting!! I finished up around 10 pm and then had to cart down a lot of stuff - take the trash out for the garbage man tomorrow, so it was 10:30 when I finally sat down.

I'm officially completely and utterly EXHAUSTED. Our daughter's room is just like our room with the alcove. We had to replace the ceiling in the alcove in her room- but other than that it was the same job pretty much. It took me three months to do her room...and I've just done ours in what - ten/twelve days? I'll have to go back and see when I started this project. At any rate I'm completely worn out, sore - filthy blah blah blah.

Tomorrow I'll cart down some more stuff. Rip out the little bit of carpet in the closet, then get a bucket full of hot soapy water and wash those floors really good before I wax them. I will also be cleaning out the window sills and caulking. Hopefully by 4 tomorrow evening, the room will be ready for furniture!!!!

I've got to move our old dresser out of the upstairs hall though. No way they can get the new furniture around that thing. I figure I'll put it in the Army room, then move it back once they get done.

Depending on when the furniture comes on Friday, we'll be going to Wal-Mart to get some sheets and pillows for the new bed!! I also plan to get some new petunias to put in the urns out front. I've been so busy I've not watered them and they are burned to a crisp. Now that I am going to have some free time next week, I'll have time to water them every night lol.

I'm so RELIEVED to be done with the damn bedroom. I'm still sort of shocked I'm done. The trim took three coats - the walls took two coats, some places a third coat. The only thing I have left to do paint wise - are the windows. This weekend when it cools off from 105 to upper 80's, I'll take them out back, sand them down really well and then paint them. Because of the lead worries, I'll be doing it without the babies around and have to do the take the clothes off in the basement so not to contaminate the house - then shower, then put on clean clothes and wash the sanding clothes separate. Until my babies are older, lead is a real concern when it comes to renovating, so I play it safe and take no chances.

Well, guess this is all the news I have. I can't believe tomorrow is already Thursday! I'm so glad!! The previous two weeks I thought would NEVER end and this one has just flown by! If all the weeks will go by this fast until he comes home, life would be perfect lol!

Day 311 - Today is the day??

2004-07-21T07:28:00.000-07:00

I'm truly hopeful that I can finish the painting in the bedroom today. PLEASE let today be the day lol. I'm so tired of painting I could scream lol.

Yesterday I worked ALL day and up until midnight. I had planned to finish the first coat on all the trim, but by midnight, my body and my energy level said forget it. I packed it in, took a shower and was out like a light until 8:30 this morning. I'm still tired and my body is sore, but I'm so close to being done.

I have the wall facing the drive to put a second coat of off-white on the trim, then I have the wall where the closet is to put two coats on the trim. Once I'm done with that, I can paint the rest of the alcove's wall and behind the door. I figure, worst case scenario, I'll have to work until midnight again tonight....then tomorrow I can spend the day cleaning everything.

I'll be so glad when this bedroom project is FINISHED lol. It's the fastest I've ever done a room...and my body is hating me for it. It sure will be nice when it's done though. Everything always feels dirty to me in this house until I redo a room. After 50 years of no one cleaning very well, no matter how much I scrub something, it still feels dirty. Our bedroom was the worst. The blue/green color just looked dirty to me. Now, the trim is white and shiny, the walls have a deep color on them...everything FEELS clean (except the floor that I will be getting to tomorrow hopefully lol) and I know we are going to sleep sooo good in there!

Last night, he called AGAIN! I told him, three nights in a row - it's the most we've talked in almost a year!! We joked a lot on the phone and it felt so good to laugh. Gosh, it'll be so nice to have him home where we can talk like that every day!! If I can just stay calm about the convoy out. I think about it and start having the beating heart thing...please keep them in your prayers that everyone makes it safely out of there. We're getting so close.

Well, since we woke up a bit late, I'm getting a late start. I better get to work. Hopefully tonight I'll have pictures to share.

Day 310 - Another Full Day Ahead

2004-07-20T06:07:00.000-07:00

Unfortunately, I ran out of steam and paint close to midnight. I was almost finished with the one big wall in the alcove when the last of the dark plum ran out. I cannot believe a gallon would not do that entire room. A gallon covered our daughter's room and the kitchen - guess due to having to put two coats possibly?? Who knows, but a trip to Wal-Mart this afternoon or in the morning will be in order.

The plan for today is to do the trim. Surely a gallon of off-white will do all the trim in this room lol. If I finish early enough, we'll head out to Wal-Mart this evening and get a half gallon of the deep plum and either tonight or tomorrow morning I'll finish the one wall in the alcove and behind the door - and the door. Wed afternoon I'll rip out the carpet in the closet, get all the tools out of the room, clean and start on waxing that floor.

Talk about just being completely BEAT.

Last night I got the babies to bed and started working when the phone rang. It was husband ;). I guess since he'd overslept Sunday, he wanted to make up for lost time last night. We talked for a while...it was so odd being in our room that looks completely different than when we he left - sitting and talking with him. I told him that I miss a lot of things, but being able to talk to him every day was one of the biggest things I miss. It's just such a relief to hear his voice (and have I mentioned what a great, sexy voice he has lol?), for us to joke, laugh - and be "together" for just a few minutes...

Gosh I miss him more every single day. It just does not get any easier and I'm afraid the last part of waiting for the day he's finally home is going to be as hard or harder in some ways than those first months after he left. As the days tick down, seeing one another again is all either of us can think of. My goodness - my heart just can't wait to feel whole again...

I was worried about the color. It's bold - and he's not much of a bold color guy like I'm not a bold color kind of a gal lol. I emailed photos last night, but when he called he hadn't seen them. He emailed later last night and said he LOVED the color. WHEW!! I'm so relieved. He says he's redoing our son's room while on leave and I'm not lifting a finger. Ummm, yeah lol. Right. He's officially painted the garage - he has not restored a room lol. Not that I don't think he could do it, I just don't think he understands what all is involved lol. I will gladly let him rip all the carpet out of the room LMBO, but I will be helping him get the wallpaper off the walls and repairing all the cracks. Plus, if he's somewhere I can be - my plan is to be stuck to him like glue lol!!

Back to work I go. It's 8:30 and the day isn't getting any younger.

Day 309 - Welcome to Baghdad

2004-07-19T16:09:00.000-07:00

Lucky me. It's 100+ out today and tomorrow. I have all the windows out of that room lol and if I ever wanted to know what Baghdad felt like, well I think I have a good damn idea about now. Upstairs is always hotter than downstairs, plus no air and the windows open while painting....

Whew.

I am proud to report that I have two coats of paint on the walls in the room - I have a small section for a second coat on one wall, but the rest is pretty much done. Tonight, I'll do the alcove. I've decided to pull an all-nighter. It's the only way I'm going to finish before Friday and the fact I can't sleep anyway, well, why channel surf on my duff while I can be painting lol?

The color is a deep plum. It's so dark - but I think it's beautiful. Now, whether my husband will like it or not - that is the question lol. Figure if he hates it, he can repaint it while he's on leave LMAO!

I hope to be done with the walls by 11 tonight. The walls in the alcove are much smaller than the walls in the bedroom portion so I am hopeful it will go faster. I'll take some photos, send everyone an email with the progress while I take a break until midnight and then start on the trim. Hopefully from midnight until 6, I can get all the trim done and only have the windows to sand and paint tomorrow. I've decided not to prime them so they won't stick too bad (hopefully).

So, by tomorrow evening, I'm praying to be almost done. I'll get groceries Wed. morning - then spend Wed. afternoon and Thursday cleaning the room, ripping the carpet out of the closet (yeah, I don't know what I was thinking when I didn't get that) and waxing the floor.

Anyhow, it's time for baths and to get back to work. Hope everyone had a great Monday!!

Day 308 - Great Friends...

2004-07-18T17:49:00.000-07:00

I have some of the most wonderful friends. The majority of them are online ;). Right after he deployed, I'd gone to our FRG meeting and met two ladies. One, I've become really close to. She's so good to me.

She called last night and said she was coming out today. I told her she couldn't lol - my house was a wreck and after last night's decision that half a bottle of liquor would help some anxiety I seem to be having LMAO - I would be in NO shape to be seen lol. She pretty much said to stuff it, she was coming and would beat on the door until I opened it lol.

She showed up with her two little ones in tow - and all the fixings for lunch. She brought buns, deli meat, cheese, chips, paper plates, potato salad, drinks for the babies, soda for us...

Truly wonderful.

After lunch, I took her up to see the bedroom. She'd been here a few weeks ago and saw it as I was stripping the wallpaper. She said, "Now, I'm here to paint. You go get a chair, sit and talk to me why I prime some for a while."

I told her there was no way I was sitting while she worked on the *damn* bedroom - we'd go back downstairs and talk while the babies played. She insisted - so I came down and got the paint brushes and stuff - and we got to work.

I'm proud to report that everything is primed but the three windows that are out (the window facings in the wall are primed). Tomorrow, the deep plum for the walls goes on...I hope to be able to finish the walls tomorrow.

Tuesday, I HAVE to get groceries. It's slim pickin's around here for sure lol. She's coming back out Tuesday afternoon to help me finish up. If I can get all the white on the trim on Tuesday, then Wednesday, I can clean the windows, caulk - clean the floor and then WAX the floor. I hope to put a really good shine on that floor...if my stupid body will cooperate that is ;).

Husband just called. He usually calls at 7, but it was 8:15 or so when the phone finally rang. I've been in knots since he'd emailed he'd call, but they had something to do. He usually doesn't say when he's doing something and under the current level of stress I'm living in, knowing and then not getting a call was NOT good on the anxiety thing I seem to have started up with several days ago.

But, all was well - he'd just overslept and felt so bad about it. I told him not to worry a bit - just as long as he's ok, it's no big thing.

We're on the downhill slide. As the days tick away, it's getting harder and harder emotionally to handle it. I get so wrapped around the axle and knowing we are getting close, but it's still so far away is making me insane - truly. The stress is coming out in physical ways now and between my health problems and this new anxiety, burning skin, heart beating so hard it feels as though it will explode et al - something's got to give soon.

Tomorrow is an early day, so I'll close. Gosh I hope I can get all the walls done tomorrow AND that I really like the color I chose for the walls when it actually goes on lol. It's a bold, deep color and I'm not a bold, deep color kinda gal...

Till next time...

Another Long Day...

2004-07-15T11:23:00.000-07:00

My body is stil rebelling. Have I mentioned how much I hate my body and my medical problems? Old house, deployment, broke up body - that equals one miserable woman lol. Two weeks until I see my doctor again - hopefully.

I wake up this morning and have to go to the store so I can write the bills. Out of stamps. I come back home and guess who is loading up that hunk of crap by the garbage? Ah, my friend Mr. Pansy Man.

I now feel deep regret for having vented about him lol. The guy was so nice. I feel like a big huge LOSER *sigh*

He was parked in front of the drive loading the last of it when we pulled up and got out of the car. He said HI and I said, "Sorry about all that stuff - I'm trying to redo a room and tried to stack it neatly."

He said, "You carried all this out here?"

I explained that yeppers, it was either I carry it out or it sit there. The dogs are on strike lol.

He said he'd noticed the sticker on my car. I have a "Half of my heart is in Iraq" sticker on the back of my husband's car. I stopped driving mine at the six month mark because I just felt the need to drive his to be closer to him somehow.

At any rate, he told me about this conversation he'd had with my husband. He'd asked him if would be heading over. He said he thought it wasn't too long after the war started. That my husband had said probably not - their mission was another area of the world and plus he'd be retiring in so many months. He said the next thing he knew was he saw the sticker on my car and put two and two together.

I don't know - just hearing about a conversation someone else shared with my husband made me miss him more somehow.

He was super nice though...Said he had no problem picking up whatever I put out. He said, "If you can get it out here, I can get it in the truck. It was the stuff your husband put out here. I could drag it to the truck, but I couldn't lift it. He's a big ol' guy..."

Now, I don't remember him taking anything to the trash. I'm the house project person, but...hell maybe he did. And if he loaded up something and put it out there, most likely it was heavy. Yes, I feel like a real *bi-atch* about now. That'll teach me.

So, I come in and write the bills. I head back out to cut the grass before it gets too hot. The backyard is already a jungle again. I get the crap lawnmower started, get a quarter of the jungle cut and all of a sudden the muffler thing flies off the damn mower. Have I mentioned the handle coming apart several months ago? I swear it's breaking apart one piece at a time. It's going to meet my 38 up close and personal if it keeps it up.

I cut off the mower. I AM smart enough to know the damn thing will be HOT (worked on cars growing up thank you) - so I go get my heavy garden leather gloves out. I put them on, go and pick it up to scew it back on...and it burns me through the gloves - then I can't get the gloves off and the glove got so hot it burned my hand all the way down as I pulled the glove off...

Yes, I said scew it and came back in lol. We ate lunch. I got in the recliner to rest. I'm hurting SO bad and I do not know how to keep moving while I'm hurting so bad. The babies head upstairs to get something and holler that the cat had found my water in the bedroom and knocked it over...

Five minutes sitting and I'm back up to clean the water off the floor. Said forget it and we went to pick up a few things at the local grocery until next week's grocery day.

Now, we're home. I'm about to go fight with the lawnmower again. Figure it should be cooled off enough by now LMBO.

What a damn day...

Day 305 - Clarification...

2004-07-15T11:05:00.000-07:00

I wanted to thank everyone for the encouraging words in the comments section and sweet emails. I truly appreciate it and cannot thank you enough. I wanted to clarify about the purpose of the blog though...

It's just to store my emotions so when he gets home, he can sit down one night when he's bored and read until his heart is content. See, he's a nosey man, so had I written a journal the old fashioned way, he'd have found it and read it lol. I thought, hey - why have him waste the time searching for it? I'll put it right here online where the world can read along too lol! THEN everyone will know I'm certifiable LMBO!!

It's just a place where when I want to scream and I can't talk to him at the end of the day to sort of get it all out - I can come here and spill it. Otherwise, I'll bottle it up and well - can you imagine what would happen if I bottled all this up lol?

So, even when I share entries like yesterday - it may sound as though I spent the day crying - and some of the day I did have spurts no doubt lol. However, I still managed to work to renovate a room, take care of the chores around here, feed my children, bath myself and my children LMBO - and carry on.

I just want him to know what I thought and most importantly - how much every day without him hurt me so deeply that I have truly wondered HOW I would go on living one more day without him. I wanted him to know there was not a day that my love was not strong, loyal and ever growing. That my heart and my soul only belong to him whether he's here or on the other side of the world. I wanted him to know that there was not ONE day where he was not loved and thought of and needed so desperately. I just want him to know so if he ever had any doubt life was "fine" while he was gone, he could sit down and see that yes, life went on, but it was not fun nor happy nor fine.

That's the purpose of the blog. To share my emotions, as they come. The high points, the low points and everything in between. And, it's all for him. So one day after things are back to normal, he can see how much he was loved and missed - and how broken my heart is when I can't share my life with him in person...

I'm a little looney ;), but I'm fine. I promise.

Day 304 - I Knew it Was...

2004-07-14T21:07:00.000-07:00

a cry in the closet day the minute I woke up this morning and could barely get up off the couch. My arms, my back, my shoulders...everything hurt. Guess carting out all that carpet wasn't such a great thing for my body lol. I was so stiff I felt like a train wreck for sure. On top of it, I couldn't sleep last night. I was so worn out, but starting at 10 pm, there was no going to sleep no matter how many times I tried. Yep, makes for a pity party for ONE the next day lol. Being overly tired does it to me every time lol. The husband makes sure we go to bed at decent times so he can reduce the, "Nothing's wrong, I'm just tired and that commercial was so sad..."

Yeah - therapy, I know, I know.

So I get up and groan to the kitchen to make coffee. I try to get woke up and moving. I get breakfast for the babies and then get upstairs to work on what is now called the damn bedroom lol.

I see *it* the minute I walked in the door. *It* is a project in the room that I failed to take into consideration when making my plans for the day lol.

There it was, two and a half inches of space between the baseboard's molding and the floor - just enough room for carpeting and padding LMAO. I hadn't removed the molding trying to skirt some work...I'm an idiot. I know.

So, all morning was spent prying those things off and nailing them back on - where they actually TOUCH the floor. It was 11 before I knew it and I was starved, so downstairs for an early lunch we came.

At 12:30 I get in the recliner. I'm hurting and when I stand up I'm light headed - add my belly in the mix and I'm just not worth shootin'. I plan to sit there until 1:30, then get up there and finish wet sanding all the woodwork so I can start priming.

I lean back in the recliner, aches - pains, ughh. I close my eyes thinking if I could just focus on something else, the pain wouldn't be so bad and I can get back to work. Somehow my mind says, "You want motivation? Your husband will be home and he'll be sleeping in the recliner while you are on the couch because your lazy butt hasn't finished the *damn* bedroom and HE HAS NOWHERE TO SLEEP!!!!"

I start thinking about seeing him - that brings on the pounding heart, chest pains, feelings of wanting to run to wherever he is because I just can't take another minute without him.

I open my eyes, think - well, this is worthless. Might as well get up and get back to work.

By 5, I had wet sanded every bit of woodwork, primed part of the window in the alcove, the big wall in the alcove and part of the wall above the sink. I brought all the stuff down to wash - and came in the living room for a minute to sit at the computer and rest.

I sit down at the computer and what do I do while my children are upstairs? I burst into tears. "I'm so tirrrrred" sob sob sob. Sheesh.

I get them to bed later on, sit down in the recliner for a minute. I'm just going to flip channels for a sec then return emails. Instead, I start watching the old movie Stars and Stripes Forever. SUCH a good movie. If you've not seen it, DO.

What do I do? I sob through the last ten or so minutes of it. Yeah, therapy is needed. Again, I know.

Usually my husband emails later in the evening. I write him right before bed, then he emails sometime and I get it in the morning on the days he can email. Well, I had been reading online and hadn't emailed him yet. I get a new email and look and see it's from him - so I cry because he had checked his email and I'd not written him yet so he had nothing waiting on him.

Yeah, I am going for a world record of crying jags today!!

There's more...

After writing husband, I head outside to water the dying plants that haven't been watered in a month or so lol. I get the hose out, drag it onto the porch, water everything.

I put the hose away and since now the grass is wet, I walk on the sidewalk around to the front of the house and look up. I can remember those first days after he left, I'd drive up to the house after dropping off our daughter to school and want to just drive away. Not even go inside.

This was our dream home. It was going to be filled with love and laughter and good times - our good times. He was retiring soon after we bought it.

I stood there looking at the house and thought - next month he was retiring. He was going to be hanging up the uniform NEXT month. This was the year we were suppose to have MORE time together. Where he could take off early if he wanted - or have a long lunch, do the ACAP classes and sham. I always laughed telling him he'd work like a dog until the day they told him he had to go home lol. He just couldn't sham if they paid him. Anyhow this was finally to be OUR year after his 19 others, not the Army's...

I walk past our front walk towards my neighbor's house. Audrey used to live there, but moved this past spring. I remembered this time of year that first summer we'd owned the house. He was still sick of the house lol, but he was coming around. He'd gone over to have a beer with Audrey's husband and I'd come out and had a drink with Audrey on our porch. I am not a drinker - so one drink and I'm ready to snore ;).

I walked over to their porch and husband and I walked back to our house with our arms around each other. We got just to the left of our front walk and Audrey is standing there with us. He looks up at the house, it's dark and you can't see the peeling paint that gave it that famous crackhouse feel lol. He said, "You know, it's a great looking house when it's dark."

Audrey and I busted out laughing lol. I told him, "See! When it gets painted, it'll be beautiful! You'll see, you'll love the house! One day you WILL say I was right."

He leaned over and kissed me and he said, "I'll love anywhere you are, baby."

And in an instant, I'm swooped back into the present like some cheesy movie flash back - and there I stood. Alone. At the very place just two summer's ago we'd stood and laughed and joked. And I'm looking at our beautiful home in the dark - much like the night I was remembering and I'm there alone. And it's been so long since anyone's hugged me but my children, I can't remember what it feels like to be in his arms.

I mumbled, "This isn't suppose to be like this. I look at this house and I feel lonely and isolated and fear and uncertainty. It's not filled with love and it hasn't been in such a long time. It wasn't suppose to be like this!!!" (insert tears welling up and a sob coming on)

Then, I realized I'm standing out in front of my house talking to myself. I figured someone on this nosey block was watching so I'd better just get my ass back inside where I can cry in the closet and talk to myself all I want - without the men in white coats coming for me lol.

Tomorrow just has to be better lol.

Old house living...

2004-07-13T17:06:00.000-07:00

I know, I know. I'm posting too much today. Oh well - I'm sure there will be a few days next week I miss.

So I write the rant about our garbage man. I get the babies to pick up their toys, we put away our glasses - head upstairs to get their baths (I took a shower earlier as soon as I finished in that room for the day - I was DIR-TY!).

I've been back down for - oh, ten minutes. Got some coffee brewing. Planning to go flip some channels and then hit the hay around 9. I'm sitting here reading when - out of nowhere, my son's toy GARBAGE TRUCK (no, I'm NOT making this up lol) starts making it's noise. It makes this sound when you open and close the back of it. "Crunch, crunch, crunch - hiccup. Crunch, crunch, crunch - hiccup."

I actually laughed out loud when I heard it. Here it was not 45 minutes ago I'm ranting away about pansy man - and now out of nowhere, in the toy box, with no one touching it or having touched it in almost an hour, it starts going off. Kept it up until I made my way to it and picked it up. Nope, no way for a button to be pushed. You have to lift the handle and then put it back down to make the noise. No handle was moving lol.

Do, do, do, do.

Every time I start to renovate a room, odd little things happen. Easily explained by coincidence if they weren't EVERY time I start a new project lol. So, this time I plan on keeping track of all the odd little things that go on while I redo our bedroom lol.

Maybe the ghost was telling me I need to watch my language - and my attitude lol! Maybe he used to be a garbage man LMBO!!

Pansy Man aka the Garbage Man

2004-07-13T15:16:00.000-07:00

If it's on this body...it hurts. My gosh, everything I have is hurting or aching. Gosh what a day. Earlier, when I mentioned going through and pulling out the staples, I forgot ONE crucial part...going around the edges of the room and removing the wood, spiked strips that are NAILED down that hold the carpet in place. Add two and a half hours lol. It takes a hammer, a flat head screw driver - and carefully popping out nails while stabbing yourself over and over with the spikes while you try to get the things off the floor. I was doing darn good on time too - until I realized I had to get the wood spiked things up. Sheesh.

I'll have to get a photo of the trash. My gosh the stuff is piled high in the garbage wheeled thing the company dropped off. Oh and then there's another PILE of carpet and padding and bags full of crap from that room on top of it. Mr. Pansy Man (our garbage man) is gonna be cussing me on Thursday heh heh.

See, he and I go WAAAY back to when we first bought the crack house. Now remember, I may be small but I have a temper that scares my husband lol - and he's weighing in at 260 lbs these days lol. Anyhow, those first months in the house, well - life was NO fun. Let me rephrase - life was HELL. Husband thought we'd made the most awful decision buying this house and it looked like shit on the outside and after working 16 hours and driving up to see a piece of shit house he's having to pay for and this doesn't work and that needs fixing and what were we thinking...

Yeah. I wanted to strangle him lol. It's really not his fault. I should have known before we bought the house that Mr. Meticulous could NOT live in disarray for ONE day, much less months as we renovate a house. It makes him NUTS. And, in turn - him being nuts makes me become a bitch heh heh. Yeah, it's all his fault LMBO!

Ok, so back to Garbage Pansy Man. The kitchen was AWFUL when we moved in. So nasty and awful, we couldn't even cook in there. I ripped out carpet and linoleum and tiles - then the wood floor had black hard as a rock adhesive that would NOT come off without doing one foot by one foot sections, soaking it with Greased Lightening of all things and using a scraper to scrape the goo off the floor. Nope, even adhesive remover wouldn't make the stuff budge.

Every day the kitchen stayed a wreck, it was another day the husband had to bitch lol. And, my sparkling personality went downhill from there LMBO. Now, keep in mind we both now LOVE the house and he cannot wait to get home to rip out walls and do this and that - but those first months... Whew - you could cut the tension with a KNIFE lol.

So here I am lugging all this crap out to our measly won't hold dog poop much less renovation stuff trash can - and making a neat and tidy pile NEXT to the can. I call the garbage company and find out I can have up to FIVE bundles of extra stuff, but nothing can be longer than five feet. I measure, I tie it up, I have it ready.

Bastard leaves it sitting there. Just empties the can without touching the mountain of crap sitting next to it (five piles, but it was a HIGH five foot width - five piles lol). I call the company. I tell them - I measured, I tied it up, I had it ready - and it's still sitting on my lawn. She says she'll call me back.

She calls me back and had talked to the driver. He said it was too HEAVY. I explained my size to the lady and suggested that unless he wants his manhood in the crapper when he pulls back up and I put the shit in the back of the truck FOR HIM in front of the entire town...he'll stop lying, admit he didn't even TRY to pick it up and come do HIS JOB.

Five minutes later - you can hear that engine roaring around the block - Mr. Pansy Man has the pedal to the medal lol. I'm standing just inside the door scoping out what Mr. Pansy Man is going to do. He gets out, he throws all the stuff in the back of the truck (wow, wasn't so heavy after all) - oh and you can see his lips moving where he's cussing up a storm lol.

After the last bundle, before he can make his scrawny self get back on the truck he's just GOT to hit something. He knows he can't knock on my door and hit me - I'm stronger than he is and I'd kick his pansy ass heh heh, so he KICKS the trash can over. OOOOOhhhhh. What a big man!! Way to go!!

Yes, I called and suggested they get him anger management training LMBO. So it was my goal in life for several weeks after that to stomp on his ego every Thursday lol. I would be outside when he pulled up. Each week there were more piles of crap I'd ripped out of this place and each week I'd be in the yard and say, "It's pretty heavy, you need some help with that?!"

He'd shake his head and cuss lol. Well, that's what you get for being a pansy man - little guy with a little man complex. Have I mentioned I have a brother who had little man complex? Little men with complexes make me have flashbacks LMBO and I want to HURT them when they start showing symptoms of "the complex." Idiots.

So there you have it. When Thursday rolls around, I'll get to see his day go into the crapper because he has to get his lazy ass OFF the truck and pick something UP. Oh the horror! Oh the shame! Hell, he should have tried carrying all that shit down two flights of stairs (with two children screaming "Can I go??! Can I go??!" like I'm going to Florida or something), two dogs who want to see how fast you can fall down the stairs instead of walk - a door to get through without letting said little people or dogs OUT while carting the crap...yeah, throwing it in the truck is SO HARD (rolling eyes).

Next time, I'll tell you what I found under the radiator LMBO! The excitement of old house life!! You can hardly stand it, can you? lol!

Spiders - Where's my gun!!

2004-07-13T05:31:00.000-07:00

I can deal with mice. I can deal with a lot of stuff - but bugs and especially spiders, I draw the line.

This morning, our son is having a "pretend birthday." Big sister used construction paper yesterday to wrap up some of her old toys to give to her brother so he could have a pretend birthday party today ;).

Well, they were in the foyer unwrapping the presents after breakfast when my son screams SPIDER and runs in here about to cry. I got my shoe and figured, little bitty spider. Yeah, right.

There were about 10 construction papered presents under the table in the foyer. I start moving them one by one. Each one, I ready the shoe to squish the offending crawly thing. After each one, I'd convinced myself that he must have seen a shadow, not a spider.

That is, until the pink stapled present that I picked up and a spider the size of a tarantula came running out from under it. I screamed, smashed him with my shoe and he took off running for our son. I yell MOVE - and squish him again. This time he's down for the count I think, and to my surprise, the bastard tries to get up and go again. I smashed him a third time, got a tissue and came back, got the spider and then put it in the toilet to flush. At the rate we were going, the damn thing would have woken up in the trash and came looking for me tonight while I was snoring lol.

I can't wait until he's home...it's his job to kill spiders lol. I'd prefer to get my 38 out and shoot them from a safe distance. Of course, then I'd have even more crap to repair in this old house, but at least I would not be close enough to see the eyes of the legged thing (shivers). I HATE spiders.

Day 303 - It's 0 Dark Thirty and I'm UP!!

2004-07-13T01:36:00.000-07:00

I thought yesterday was bad. Our son woke up at 5:30 screaming "SUNDER....SUNDER." Nothing like a blood curdling scream to start your day off with lol. He thought he heard thunder lol. Not a cloud in the sky, so I don't know what he heard lol. The screams woke up our daughter and everyone was downstairs - so I said we might as well get up and get going ;).

This morning? I woke up at 3:00! Yeah me! Three in the morning and for some crazy, stupid reason I'm sitting here. I tried to go back to sleep - but then started thinking about sKerry for some reason, got myself all ticked off and figured - well hell, I'm awake now, might as well make coffee. Ughh.

Yesterday was a darn good, productive day if I do say so myself. I put the tape on all the big cracks in the plaster, put the first coat of stuff on all them. It's so hot up there (was 100 degrees yesterday), it dried fast so I could sand the first coat and put on a second coat! Daughter came to the door and said it was five - so I finished the last two cracks and called it a day.

This morning, I'll start out by sanding all the second coats. Hopefully none will need a third. Several corners needed repairing and those are the hardest - the ones you have to really concentrate to get just right. I'm about out of drywall mud if you can believe that. The husband bought a HUGE bucket of the stuff last year when we were replacing a portion of our daughter's ceiling. Her room had a lot of cracks due to water damage (leaky roof for years), so between her room, the dining room and now our bedroom - we've gone through a bucket of the stuff. Good grief, I dread seeing how much we'll go through to do the foyer and the mezzanine lol.

Back to today's plan...

I'll sand down all the second coat. Then I'll vacuum up as much of the dust as I can. After that, I'll get all the tools and stuff out of the room and start ripping up the carpet. That'll take most of the day I figure. When you are five foot two and weigh in at 100 lbs and the muscle of the family is on the other side of the world - you have to cut it in small strips and carry it out. After I get all the carpet and padding out, I'll have to go through with pliers and pull out all the staples in the floor. Sure to miss ONE and then step on it so I can say ugly words lol.

If there's enough time after I fight with the carpet, I'll take the windows out and put them in the backyard for later tonight so I can sand them after the babies go to bed.

I have to call the furniture store today. I'm going to see if they can deliver it on Monday for me, but if not, then I'll have to climb over all that furniture to get up the stairs lol.

Ok, well - it's now four in the morning. Reminds me of an old Night Ranger song from back in the day, "Four in the morning, came without a warning, everybody's got a place to be." Or, something like that. Been decades since I listened to Night Ranger ROTFL!

Hope you all have a good Tuesday!

Day 302 - More Work...

2004-07-12T05:53:00.000-07:00

Well, yesterday I finished getting all the wallpaper off the walls. By the time I finished, it was 4:30 and time to get cleaned up and fix dinner. After dinner I gave baths and put them to bed. I didn't expect husband to call since he didn't email the night before. Figured someone had been hurt or worse...

At 7 though, the phone rang. Seems the idea of getting up at 4 in the morning is getting popular. There were quite a few folks on the phones. The guy next to him was so loud lol. I felt like I was talking to him for a minute because I could hear him laughing and every word he was saying. Then, the husband said hang on, ripped the guy a new one for being too loud - then we had a decent conversation lol. Ah to be my husband just for a DAY! I'd love to be able to look at someone mean and have them shake in their shoes lol. I can't wait until he's home and we can go to Wal-Mart together lol. For me, I'm constantly saying excuse me, pardon me, sorry, excuse me. With dh, I just get behind him - and the crowd parts LMBO. People see him coming and MOVE. Imagine the concept lol!

The weekend before he left we'd gone to Lowes. Gosh I remember it like it was yesterday. The babies were riding in the cart with him pushing and I was walking behind them wiping tears. At one point, I had both my arms wrapped around his left arm and my head on his upper arm - trying to remember exactly what it felt like mentally and physically. That feeling of being safe and secure and loved and needed - his gorgeous arm - he's got the greatest arms and chest....sigh

I've not thought about that day in months. In the beginning I'd think about the day walking through Lowes several times a day - and burst into tears once little eyes and ears were not within ear shot. We'd gone to Applebee's for lunch after. We sat in the little waiting area and I had to keep my tissue out and continuously wipe tears. They just kept coming and I couldn't make them stop. The harder I tried, the more tears would come. I'm sure people were wondering what that mean guy did to make that little woman cry...looks can be so deceiving. I'm sure they would have been shocked to find out the woman was crying because, for the life of her, she didn't know how she was going to live an entire year without holding the person she loves most in the world. Gosh that day, I truly had no idea what I was doing - or how I'd ever make it through a year. As we were getting our table, we saw our electrician leaving. He'd heard through the grapevine he was going to Iraq. In our small town, word travels fast. He took one look at me, eyes all puffy - wiping tears - and the look of pity on his face crushed me. I've never had anyone PITY me. Ughh. Oh well, long time ago.

Today it's repair the cracks in the walls day. Then it's mow the grass after that...

I'm officially SICK of this house lol. Hope everyone has a good week.

Day 301 - More Work on the House

2004-07-11T08:20:00.000-07:00

I didn't do anything to the house yesterday. I felt like crap and spent the day on the couch wishing for death.

Today, I'm not feeling much better, but I have no choice but to get to work. I'm running out of time and I'm not going to be finished as it is. I'm going to try to strip the rest of that wallpaper off all the walls. Maybe I can start on a crack or two today. Tuesday I have to go to the furniture store to set up a time for them to deliver on Thursday. I guess I'll have them put everything on the landing until I finish with the room. My friend said she'd come out and help me move everything once I was done. Ughh. I wish I'd never even started on this bedroom. It's been nothing but a source of stress.

Off to work I go...

Day 299 -Daughter's Birthday Party

2004-07-09T13:47:00.000-07:00

The last "thing" to make it through before he returns.

We made it through our son's birthday, Halloween, Thanksgiving, Christmas, New Year's, Valentine's Day, my birthday, Easter, our anniversary, my husband's birthday, July 4th and now our daughter's birthday. There's not another "thing" to measure time by. No more holidays to wish my way through. No other things to dread the putting on a happy face when deep down, you wish you could sleep through the entire day.

We've made it. Daughter's birthday was the last personal holiday to make it through. Seven year ago today, I still had two more hours of labor to endure before they finally figured out after three days of labor, I was not going to give birth naturally. At 6:30 pm, our daughter was born via c-section. Seven years ago...seems like yesterday in some ways and now she is so big.

We got up this morning and picked up her cake. We came home and I vacuumed and dusted before our friends arrived. My friend and another lady I met through my friend and their children came out to celebrate with us. We had a really nice time. And our daughter had a wonderful time and got so many fun things! Her friends were so sweet to her and after pizza, we had cake and ice cream.

My friend wanted me to show trendy Mom (our nickname for our other friend because her hair is always just so and her clothes are really stylish) around the house. So, we all ate in the half finished dining room lol and I had to show them the messy as heck bedroom that has stripped wallpaper all over the floor. Gosh I'll never finish those two rooms it seems like. At any rate, they stayed several hours and we all had so much fun. I'm so lucky to have met such wonderful friends.

Husband called last night to wish daughter a happy birthday. We weren't able to talk long, but it sure was good to hear his voice. Daughter was giggling a lot on the phone...turns out Daddy was singing Happy Birthday Dear Stinky, Happy Birthday to you lol. Since she was little, he's called her stinky for some reason. It's been so long since she's heard that, she thought it was hysterical. When little guy got on the phone he said, "Daddy say something funny like you did to sissy." He wanted to have a good laugh too ;).

So, the last family holiday is now behind us. Nothing else to plan, nothing else to figure out who will watch our babies so I can buy the presents. No more dreading celebrations alone. The next holiday, Labor Day he probably won't be home for, but I can dream ;). The good thing is there is no celebrating here that particular day lol. The next celebrating will be on Halloween and I sure am hoping by then he'll be home and we'll be settled back into our regular life. Gosh I am praying that he's home by then. I'm so ready to share every day with him again...

Day 292 - A Little Productive

2004-07-02T14:47:00.000-07:00

Yeah, after weeks of sitting on my butt, I didn't want to wear myself out all in one day. I need a rolling eyes smiley lol. I did get a few things done though.

I got up at a half-way decent time. Not as early as I wanted, but I guess I needed the extra sleep. This staying up until 2 or 3 in the morning is the main culprit of my not accomplishing a thing around here. I'm determined to get myself back to going to sleep at a decent time. Last night it was midnight. Tonight, unless I'm busy doing something productive, I'm shooting for eleven.

It's not as though I stay up for any particular reason. I just put off going to sleep for some reason. After ten months on the couch, I now wake up aching all over from being uncomfortable. I guess ten years of me sleeping on this particular couch every time he's gone hasn't done the thing any favors. I'm really looking forward to us buying new living room furniture when he gets home. What we have has truly seen better days.

I got dressed and we headed to the post office to drop off the bills. As I was leaving, I about ran over my husband's buddy's wife - and no, it wasn't on purpose lol.

When our husbands first left, we met weekly to grab a bite to eat together. About two months into it, I ticked her off by saying the UN was worthless and should be disbanded. Note to self: Germans hate the US and love the UN. Oh well. So, she ended up ending the call rather quickly and I didn't hear from her for a month or two. She sent an email which I deleted and didn't respond to. I wasn't in the mood to try to tiptoe around her with my opinions and listen to her "I hate Bush" crap as I had at the beginning.

Back to today - I almost ran her over as she jay-walked. I waved, rolled down the window and she said, "So are you ever going to speak to me again?"

I said, "You hung up on me, if you recall." Which now that I think about it - that's been a theme of this deployment. See how many people I can piss off enough to hang up on me. Damn I'm on a roll! Go ME!! (again, rolling eyes smiley needed)

She said, "Well, I emailed you." I said, "I never got it." It was about five minutes into another conversation about her husband now being in a different company that it dawned on me that yes, she had emailed but I had decided not to bother with it. So, I guess I lied. Ok, I didn't lie at first, but as my husband would say - perpetrated a fraud by not correcting myself when I did remember. Oh well.

She was really nice and we had a decent conversation. We promised to get together later on for dinner one night before they got back home. This is a good thing. Our husbands are pretty close friends and with both of our families planning to call our small town home after retirement, it makes things easier. We're too different to ever be close friends, but making enemies is not something I enjoy doing. Smoothing this dirt road over before they get back is a positive.

After that, the babies and I went to the court house and got the stickers for the cars' tags. Daughter wanted Chinese for lunch, so we stopped and ate. Then we went on to the pretend Wal-Mart in town. Yes, our town is so small there is no Wal-Mart or even a movie theater. We have a small store that is like a mini Wal-Mart. I wanted to get a few extra paint brushes. They were having a sale on little girl clothes, so I bought daughter a few new outfits. We were also out of construction paper. My two little ones love doing craft projects, so we bought two packages of that too.

Now, we've made our way home. I checked email and had an email from a reporter from Newsweek. She's doing a story on soldiers after they return home and wanted to know if I knew anyone who would like to be interviewed. I emailed and told her I'd be glad to post a notice in our forum for people to contact her if she'd like. We'll see what happens. Unfortunately, my husband hasn't returned yet so I'm no help in that department lol.

Well, I'm off to give baths a little early. My babies want to see the Spiderman movie coming on the Disney Channel this evening, so we're getting baths early. What way we can eat and watch the movie - and they can go to bed right after the movie. That is, if our son makes it that long ;). Normally by 7:15 he's asking to go to bed if I'm letting them stay up late.

Hopefully tonight I can post some photos of some progress going on in the dining room. Don't hold your breath though. My track record thus far suggests otherwise.

Day 291 - The Day From HELL

2004-07-01T20:55:00.000-07:00

One more thing, just ONE more thing and I'll run screaming from my home having completely lost it where the men in white jackets will have to cart me away.

It's just been THE DAY from HELL. Ughh!!!

Lets see, where to begin...

First, another day of nothing. WHERE is my motivation? The FRG finally sends out a date to stop mailing packages. This was a day to celebrate and instead I'm sitting here NUMB. I can't get myself motivated to do anything. The dining room hasn't been touched in a week and the bedroom - hell, why bother at this point.

Started the morning working for free again. Old boss needs help talking to some company doing some programming for them. Have already explained situation to boss twice, but NOOOO I have to explain it to THE GUY, who turns out NOT to be a programmer but will have to ask his programmer. Hey, why don't we cut the two of you out of the middle and I talk to the (gasp!!) PROGRAMMER. Nah, that'd make too much sense.

FRG Leader wants to activate rosters. I email asking FOR a roster. Umm yeah, we don't have one. She calls, I ask her to forward me the latest roster - no forwarded roster. Screw her and the roster. It's a little late in the game to be worried about it now. I hate for someone to be running the show but too damn lazy to hit a forward button. How damn hard is THAT??!!

I FORGET today is bill paying day. At close to four, it DAWNS on me I have a checkbook to balance and bills to write. YEAH ME.

Our bank's site is down. No getting the amount of deposit, no balancing checkbook. Call said bank and she wants to put me on the phone to the IT department. HELLO - I don't care about the website, I just want to get the amount of the deposit. Forget the Army site, that piece of crap locks my computer up 10 out of 10 times.

Decide desk is so messy, the least I can do is clean it OFF. I do and find a letter from my aunt that I never opened that arrived back in May. Yeah, I know - but I'm mastering the art of procrastination. Okay?

I usually call this aunt (elderly, bitter, always mad at someone for something) every week, but since the deployment, I'm just not in a place emotionally I can deal with her anger at the world and my down in the dumps. I've not called in a long while because the last time I hadn't called she bawled me out on the phone when I finally DID call. Not up for it. Nope. Just not setting myself up for it again or I might lose my temper and tell her to stuff it and then I'd feel guilty for the rest of my life. Nope, not calling was easier and making up for it when life was back to normal was the plan.

I open the letter and in it, she is telling me she has written me out of her will, so to please rip up the copies I have blah blah blah. Now, this is GOOD news. The taxes and the headache - my husband didn't want to deal with it. I didn't want to go through that, but I couldn't tell her that and hurt her or seem ungrateful. However, to END our relationship because I haven't called in several months? For crying out loud!! What the hell is wrong with her dialing finger? Thanks!! I feel LOVED.

I call her. I say, "Look, I don't care about the will. I want to know why we can't have a relationship? I'm so sorry that with a husband in a combat zone, working 50+ hours a week, taking care of my children and trying to make this house LIVABLE I didn't call as much as you would have liked, but to just cut all ties with me because of it?"

Click.

Yep, that's all I'm worth. Not even an explanation because MY WORLD did not revolve around her pissing and moaning about every damn thing on the fucking earth for a few months. God forgive me, but on top of him being gone, I just COULDN'T make myself want to call and listen to the same shit over and over that happened 50 freaking years ago and all participants but her are 8 feet under. I just could NOT make myself want to call, but you certainly didn't see my phone ringing off the hook. No, only I should spend money to listen to her bitch for two hours each week.

If she can live with it I can. At least now there is no guilt for not having called and sat through two hours of bitching every week.

One of my friend's call a few ago. We're talking about school - so I go to look up the website for the school district and all of a sudden I have this trojan warning on the screen and then I have to click this and that, and then a screen with a graphic of an enter button I've never seen is sitting there. Oh well, I restarted and ran norton - hell I'm here so I guess it's not too bad. Damn virus makers.

And to FINALLY TOP THE DAY off with another pile of shit, husband's wacko sister emails. She has been emailing since he left and I've deleted them. This time, she sends pictures of her children and then follows with another email stating "Dad gave me this address, I never hear back when I email, so let me know if this is right."

I've tried TWICE to have a civil relationship with this crackhead and both times within a day she's telling me how much she dislikes me. She doesn't KNOW me. I've seen her in person (after the first time she was ugly to me over the phone) ONCE - and I didn't speak a word to her. Later, she got our email address and emailed one day. I emailed her back, thinking be the bigger person, forgive and forget - and then for the second time she was nasty. See, I'm not the person she thinks her brother should be married to I guess - hell if I know. At any rate, I emailed her back tonight and said she has her brother's email address, email him. I'm not interested in going down this road again. Thanks but no thanks."

Hell at this point, I'm afraid to get up from this desk - figure the ceiling will cave in on me or I'll trip over a dog, break my fucking neck and it'll be MONTHS before anyone gets pissed off enough from not hearing from me to write to tell me they are writing me out of their will, meanwhile my decaying corpse isn't able to check the damn mail to get the letter in the first place.

I hate people. Today, I truly hate people.

Day 288 - The Transfer Of Power

2004-06-28T14:26:00.000-07:00

I woke up this morning feeling like I'd worked out the day before or something. My legs are sore, my arms, back and shoulders. I went to get up and could hardly move anything I was so "stove up" as my grandmother would have called it. I didn't do anything yesterday, so the only thing I can think of is during my sleep I stayed tense. When I tensed up my muscles earlier, everything that hurts was what was involved in the tensing up lol (does that even make sense?), so I must have had some nightmares last night or something that kept my entire body clenched. Gosh I've never woken up sore in the morning when I hadn't done anything to become sore :(.

Anyhow, my husband called last night and we were able to talk for over an hour! I love that he's willing to get up so early and get to the phones when no one else is in line so we can talk without having to hurry. We had a great conversation too. He mentioned the transfer of power and I told him, "I don't know why they don't go ahead and do it now. I read last week that they'd transferred the last of the government agencies, so I don't know what they are waiting for."

I hobble to my desk this morning to check my email. I always read my email before I start making my rounds on my favorite blogs and news sites. Within his email he said:

They handed the country over to the Iraqis today instead of the 30th, now we just wait and see what happens.

I had to read it twice to make sure my tired eyes were really seeing that!

This Administration once again has done the right thing at the right time. It just plain makes sense. As I had mentioned to my husband, everything was already being controlled by Iraqis, as this AP article pointed out also:

U.S., U.K. Hail Transfer of Power to Iraq

Last Thursday, the U.S.-led coalition transferred the final 11 of the 26 government ministries to full Iraqi control, meaning Iraqis were already handling the day-to-day operations of the interim administration.

Why allow the terrorists more time to get news coverage of their attacks under headline after headline of, "As the Transfer of Power Quickly Approaches, Insurgents Increase Attacks." Take the coverage away from them. The transfer of power is now behind us and instead of fighting the coalition, the terrorists will now be fighting the very people they say they are fighting for in the first place.

Two thumbs up for the coalition. Smart move. Now, I guess we must wait to see what those who just had defeat handed to them on a silver platter do next. I can imagine some morale problems are going on right about now within the terrorists' groups. Defeated and done so without a bullet being fired.

One more battle in this war has been won. If only Americans will have the backbone to see this through so we will eventually win the entire war...

Day 282 - A Woman on a Mission

2004-06-22T08:41:00.000-07:00

I am bound and determined to finish that dining room this week and get to work on the bedroom. I've wasted so much time doing nothing, I'm on a mission to make every day be productive. My hopes are to be completely finished with both rooms by the 15th of July. I keep hearing that dirty looking little guy in Adam Sandler's move Waterboy, "You can do et!" heh heh.

So as of yesterday, I have the first coat of the stain/poly mix on everything. I called the hardware store yesterday to see if they had the color I'm using (Antique Walnut) in the gloss. It took two quarts of the satin just to cover the doorway, the doors and the wainscoting/plate rail. I thought if I could get two more quarts of the gloss here in town, I could put a second coat of the gloss and cut out an entire coat completely.

The plan was two coats of the satin (gloss use to not be available here) and then a third coat of plain gloss poly to give the room a real formal feel. Soooo, today I will finish the gloss stain/poly mix and if it works out as planned, I will have a week to ten days freed up while it all sets up. I don't want to tape it off too soon to prime and paint the walls and the tape end up messing up my finish. While it waits the week to week and a half, I'll get started in the bedroom stripping off all the wallpaper. Hopefully, by the time the woodwork is ready to be taped off, I'll have the wallpaper off the bedroom walls and be almost finished repairing the cracks on the walls so I can paint in there.

I think the hardest part of the bedroom is going to be the ceiling. In old houses, they put paper over the ceilings and then paint it. The paper on the ceiling in the bedroom has peeled in some places. The thought of standing on a ladder, hands over my head for hours while stripping all that paper off is NOT appealing lol. I figure that will be harder than ripping out the carpet and carrying it from upstairs all the way out to the trash lol.

At any rate, until 4 July, I'm not planning on being on the computer much. Starting tonight, I will be hitting the hay at an early hour to be up and working by 7:30 or 8:00 each morning. We've had really cool weather and rain almost every evening here the past week (it's been wonderful!!), so going to the pool hasn't been much of an option. Here soon, it will warm back up though. I want to get an early start and work until lunch, then make sure the babies have all my time in the afternoon so we can do fun things. Some nights I'll work after they go to bed too, but most nights I want to rest up. This darn body of mine doesn't always want to keep up with the pace I want to go lol, so sometimes my plans and reality are two different things. Oh well, mind over matter right lol?

After today, blogging will probably stop until after the 4th. At that time, I hope to be far enough along in the projects to devote the evenings to updating the blog with photos and details of how the projects are moving along. Hope everyone has a great two weeks!!

A Love Affair to Remember...

2004-06-16T22:54:00.000-07:00

I've read and heard several people talk about the Reagan's love for one another. Watching Mrs. Reagan say good-bye last week truly broke my heart. There have been several times during this past year I've had my spirit broken while I waited, terrified I may be handed a flag. To watch Mrs. Reagan and acknowledging my own fears, I could not help but to cry during most of the ceremony. Once Taps was played, I sobbed my way through the rest.

After that many years together, I just don't know how you can say good-bye. My heart cannot imagine what it must be like that first time you walk through the front door of the home you shared, knowing they are no longer of this earth. During this year, my mind has often told my heart that no matter how hard life is without my husband home, as long as he is still on this earth somewhere, the blessings will always outweigh the hardships.

As the press and Kerry put the honoring of Reagan behind them and start their assault to ensure the American people make NO comparisons of Reagan and Bush, my prayers continue on for Mrs. Reagan and the late President Reagan. As Mrs. Kerry has her sour, lack of class show through, I look to Mrs. Reagan and Mrs. Bush and am proud to have these strong and loving women to represent our country. Mrs. Reagan's grace and beauty shown brightly through during each portion of the remembrances. Her loving final words to President Reagan, her quite strength and her sorrow for the world to see were aspects of character I wish more people had. She is truly an inspiration and a First Lady in all senses of the word.

I'm sure as with all marriages, they had their ups and downs, but their love kept them on the same life path, going in the same direction, at the same time. I hope and pray the example my husband and I set for our children will be as loving and wonderful as what the Reagans have lived and shared with our country.

Mother said, "Theirs' was a a love affair to remember, much like yours and your husband's." She said his name of course, but I'm not comfortable doing that on my diary until after he's home.

Mother went on to say the biggest blessing in the world is to know your child is loved and cherished by their spouse and she sees that with us. She said that she can see the love he has for me when he looks at me - and the same when I look at him. That neither of us probably realize we're showing it so clearly - even when it is only a glance, it's just the way we look at one another that warms her heart. It makes her know that when her day comes to go home - she can rest easy knowing I'll be safely in the arms of a man who loves me so deeply.

Each year we are closer. Even when I think there is no way we could ever grow more as a couple, our love brings us closer to one another and it deepens each and every year. I feel loved when he looks at me. He doesn't have to say a word and I feel it. When I look at him, my heart beats faster and I often can't help but to walk over and just touch his arm or give him a quick kiss as I make my way to the kitchen for more coffee. It's pure, unconditional love and it is something that I hope my children will someday share with another. That our love affair will be something they will tell their children about.

I truly feel we are living our own special love affair to remember and I am so very blessed...

Day 276- Finally Heard "Letters From Home"

2004-06-16T21:55:00.000-07:00

We had to drive up to the installation today for my doctor's appointment, get little guy a hair cut and pick up some groceries. On the way home, I finally heard the new song, "Letters From Home." If you've not heard it, I'd suggest flipping the dial every two seconds like I did until you finally run across it ;).

Here are the lyrics:

Artist: John Michael Montgomery
Song Title: Letters from home lyrics

My Dear Son, it is almost June,
I hope this letter catches up to you,
and finds you well.
Its been dry but they’re calling for rain,
And everything's the same
ol’ same in Johnsonville.
Your stubborn 'ol Daddy ain’t said too much,
But I’m sure you know he sends his love,
And she goes on,
In a letter from home.

I hold it up and show my buddies,
Like we ain’t scared
and our boots ain’t muddy,
and they all laugh,
Like there’s something funny
bout’ the way I talk,
When I say: "Mama sends her best y’all."
I fold it up an' put it in my shirt,
Pick up my gun an' get back to work.
An' it keeps me driving me on,
Waiting on letters from home.

My Dearest Love, its almost dawn.
I’ve been lying here all night long
wondering where you might be.
I saw your Mama and I showed her the ring.
Man on the television said something
so I couldn’t sleep.
But I’ll be all right, I’m just missing you.
An' this is me kissing you:
XX’s and OO’s,
In a letter from home.

I hold it up and show my buddies,
Like we ain’t scared
and our boots ain’t muddy,
and they all laugh,
'Cause she calls me "Honey",
but they take it hard,
'Cause I don’t read the good parts.
I fold it up an' put it in my shirt,
Pick up my gun an' get back to work.
An' it keeps me driving me on,
Waiting on letters from home.

Dear Son, I know I ain’t written,
But sittin' here tonight,
alone in the kitchen, it occurs to me,
I might not have said,
so I’ll say it now:
Son, you make me proud.

I hold it up and show my buddies,
Like we ain’t scared and our boots ain’t muddy,
but no one laughs,
'Cause there ain’t nothing funny
when a soldier cries.
An' I just wipe me eyes.
I fold it up an' put it in my shirt,
Pick up my gun an' get back to work.
An' it keeps me driving me on,
Waiting on letters from home.

I guess it's no surprise that I had to put my sunglasses on even though it was cloudy and try to wipe tears away stealth-like to keep our daughter from noticing.

I think I'll try to keep the radio off those first few weeks he's home when we're in the car together. While I fought to keep the tears away while listening to this today, I tried to imagine what it's going to feel like to have him in the car with me. Regardless of who is driving, we're always touching one another. Both cars are five speeds, so if I'm driving he has his hand on my leg and if he's driving I have my hand on his leg. If we're going down the interstate and he is driving, he holds my hand.

While I was thinking about this today, I could almost feel his hand in mine. I thought about how good it feels to lean over and put my face next to his and gently kiss him on the cheek. I especially like when we've been out all day and he's starting to get a five o'clock shadow. His stubbly cheek on my smooth - the strong touching the weak, the rough in contact with the softness. No matter what subject, it just feels as though we balance one another...his large hand in my small. His larger than life presence, compared to my small, wall-flower like persona. We just complete each other and I truly am living for the day I no longer must feel as though the best part of me is missing.

I love that man with all my heart, all my soul - and the thought of finally having the opportunity to once again be held by him is what keeps me driving on....

Found A New Blog....

2004-06-16T08:18:00.000-07:00

Well, it's new to me ;). I truly enjoyed his writing style and the stories he had to share. Visit Hardtack and Havoc and have a laugh (his children's nicknames are hysterical), learn something about civil war reenactment and Navy life.

Day 275 - Staying Busy

2004-06-15T21:25:00.000-07:00

Yesterday I worked on the dining room and around 1:30, put everything away, got changed and took the babies to the pool for the afternoon. It's my fault I was lazy all winter and didn't finish these projects and I refuse for my stupidity to keep them locked in doors all summer. If I have to stay up until 2 in the morning every night to get finished, so be it. My babies are still going to have fun this summer.

Yesterday afternoon, I picked us up something quick to eat and had planned to get out and cut the grass. I was so blooming tired though. Around 6 pm, a thunder-boomer rolled in and thankfully I got out of having to mow ha! Today, as you'll read below, I would end up wishing it hadn't rained so I could have mowed the yard as planned.

This morning I finished up the first coat of stain on the plate rail and wainscoting. We ate lunch and had Little Debbie snacks for dessert. I was just about to get my lazy self up and get busy on cleaning up the kitchen when the doorbell rang. It was my older neighbor two doors down. They are probably in their 70s. Mrs. B said she hadn't seen us out and told Mr. B she was coming down to check on us.

I'm sure due to my grass being knee high, they were worried. I never let my grass get that high - but like last night, every time I went to cut it something would come up. She saw the mess in the dining room which embarrasses me. I don't want anyone seeing the mess I have going on in that room. Her grandson is our carpenter so she knows how long the plate rail and wainscoting have been up and I'm sure she wondered what in the world has taken me so long to finish it.

She was so sweet and asked how my husband was and if we had word on when he may return. Another grandson is at Fort Bragg I believe she said and has just returned from Iraq. She said Mr. B was on his way down to cut my grass. I told her I had planned to do it tonight, but she insisted. When we walked back outside, Mr. B was on his way down the sidewalk with his mower. I asked him not to mow it, it was just too hot and I'd do it late this evening once it cooled off. He'd have none of that and before I knew it, he was mowing. He even cut the horrible backyard that has doggie land mines throughout :(. I'll be looking for something nice for them and a thank you card to hopefully show them how much I truly appreciate them and their help.

I've just felt so overwhelmed lately. Having the grass off my to-do list felt as though someone lifted 50 lbs off my shoulders for some reason. I'm so thankful for my neighbors. They are truly some of the most wonderful people in the world.

Well, I better close. I want to put a coat of the stain/poly mix on the doorway before bed. Tomorrow I have a lot of errands to run so I won't be able to work on the dining room at all until tomorrow night. I at least want to get an idea of how it is going to look. I know I keep promising, but this weekend I'll try my best to get some photos added so anyone interested can see what I'm talking about.

I hope everyone is having a good week!

Day 274 - Thankfully Monday is Here

2004-06-14T09:24:00.000-07:00

The weekends are just hard to get through. I'm always so thankful to have another one behind me and be a week closer to the day he finally comes home.

All weekend I worked on staining in the dining room. I'm still not done. I have one wall left to do and plan to tackle it in just a few minutes.

I spent the morning checking in on my favorite blogs and seeing what Boortz had to say this morning.

I was really upset this weekend to see that one of my favorite bloggers had a influx of leftist folks swarm into her blog and leave some of the nastiest comments I've ever had the displeasure of reading. Some of the comments were nothing less than disgusting. It's just firmed my belief that the majority of people who lean far left of center are bitter, mean and hateful. I never can understand how they view the world and honestly their view frightens me. I have lost any interest in hearing any ideas from the far left. Gore seemed to start a movement of hate and the rest of the left was all too eager to follow. I don't want people who hate those who disagree with their ideas running our country and I just cannot allow myself to believe that the majority of Americans feel this way - and act in that manner. Surely Michael Moore and those like him have to be in the minority and Lieberman is representative of what the average American feels. Gosh I hope... At any rate, I said some prayers for the blogger. Even though you know these people don't have a clue as to the person you are, having so many people come in and be that hateful has to hurt somewhere. I just cannot understand what makes people be so hurtful to others - and the fact that they all seemed to be enjoying themselves just disgusted me to no end. May they all be treated as they have chosen to treat her. A woman who is facing life in a foreign country alone - with no family and a husband in a dangerous place where every day is filled with worry for the person they love. Someone who is doing more to support our nation than any of these hateful vile people - and yet they love the fact they can wage insults to try to make themselves feel superior. They are not superior. They are examples of what the worst of our country has to offer and as I believe, what comes around goes around. I hope they all get a taste of what they have dished out and then some. She didn't deserve any of the vile things that were said.

Still in a crappy mood...
My husband called last night. We had a great conversation. We had quite a few laughs and talked about everything under the sun, but I still had to cry here and there when we talked about how much we missed each other. I told him he'd be sick of me after the first few weeks home, that I'd never be able to wear makeup because I'd be crying all the time. He said he didn't care if I cried - I could cry all I wanted. Gosh I love him. No one else on the planet could put up with my tears like he does. It just seems that the longer he is gone, the harder it gets. I just miss him so much.

And I found out he'll get per diem when he returns. It'll be around $1200.00! That will add nicely to the amount of savings I have now! I've saved a ton of money during this year and the jobs I've done. I told him we'll have a great time shopping when he gets home! I want him to buy himself a new recliner and I want to buy us a new couch - one that the seat is really deep so we can both lie down and watch tv together. I'd like to buy a new dining room table and he wants to buy a leaf blower and new weedeater. It's the thought of us being able to go and buy whatever we want that has me saving every penny we make ;). I hate shopping, but I love to go shopping with him.

Well, the morning is now gone. I better get in that dining room and get busy. I worked on it until 2 in the morning last night and plan to do the same tonight too. I've got to get it finished so I can get our bedroom redone too!

Hope everyone has a great Monday!