The Deployment Diary

Sunday, May 01, 2005

Eh, life sucks...

I'm taking a break. First time I've been online since last Wednesday or Thursday. I don't plan on cutting the computer on again until maybe Friday.

Nothing new to tell other than husband being off for a long weekend and finding out another friend died in Iraq last week. The memorial is tomorrow. I doubt I'll go. I don't do death well. The only funeral I hope to attend in the far far future is my own. And I know, a memorial is not a funeral, but it might as well be.

Lets see, lucky me, I got an appointment with my doc. Haven't seen him since Feb. I think. Unlucky for me is the fact this is the last time I'll get to see him. He's ETSing this month (that's getting out of the Army for any civilians). That leaves me in a possible pickle come June. Hopefully he'll tell me who I can see next month. This doc met me before husband left for Iraq, has known me through a year deployment, husband coming home - my health problems, what medications we've tried, what failed, why it failed, what worked et al. Now I have to start over with some other doctor and I'm angry and scared and depressed. He's a general practioner who sees patients (I imagine) like a cattle herder, but he cares, he listens, he returns phone calls, he made phone calls to specialists when I just couldn't SEE another specialist who wanted to cut on me again. HE CARED. And, I'll probably get stuck with that dip shit I started with after surgery numero dos over two years ago who only cared enough to shake his head in a patronizing manner and say,"I'm sorry, I just don't know what I can do for you. Take care."

Guess I'm just mad at the world right now. I should still be lifting weights and be healthy - ACTIVE. Now I'm gaining weight, I'm unhappy and now my doctor is leaving which when you have to see a doc every other month or so to make sure you are not in need of emergency surgery, is a BIG change.

Yea me. I'm too young for a midlife crisis but damn, something's got to give.

See you next week when hopefully I'll be in a better mood lol.

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