The Deployment Diary

Thursday, July 15, 2004

Day 305 - Clarification...

I wanted to thank everyone for the encouraging words in the comments section and sweet emails. I truly appreciate it and cannot thank you enough. I wanted to clarify about the purpose of the blog though...

It's just to store my emotions so when he gets home, he can sit down one night when he's bored and read until his heart is content. See, he's a nosey man, so had I written a journal the old fashioned way, he'd have found it and read it lol. I thought, hey - why have him waste the time searching for it? I'll put it right here online where the world can read along too lol! THEN everyone will know I'm certifiable LMBO!!

It's just a place where when I want to scream and I can't talk to him at the end of the day to sort of get it all out - I can come here and spill it. Otherwise, I'll bottle it up and well - can you imagine what would happen if I bottled all this up lol?

So, even when I share entries like yesterday - it may sound as though I spent the day crying - and some of the day I did have spurts no doubt lol. However, I still managed to work to renovate a room, take care of the chores around here, feed my children, bath myself and my children LMBO - and carry on.

I just want him to know what I thought and most importantly - how much every day without him hurt me so deeply that I have truly wondered HOW I would go on living one more day without him. I wanted him to know there was not a day that my love was not strong, loyal and ever growing. That my heart and my soul only belong to him whether he's here or on the other side of the world. I wanted him to know that there was not ONE day where he was not loved and thought of and needed so desperately. I just want him to know so if he ever had any doubt life was "fine" while he was gone, he could sit down and see that yes, life went on, but it was not fun nor happy nor fine.

That's the purpose of the blog. To share my emotions, as they come. The high points, the low points and everything in between. And, it's all for him. So one day after things are back to normal, he can see how much he was loved and missed - and how broken my heart is when I can't share my life with him in person...

I'm a little looney ;), but I'm fine. I promise.

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