The Deployment Diary

Thursday, July 01, 2004

Day 291 - The Day From HELL

One more thing, just ONE more thing and I'll run screaming from my home having completely lost it where the men in white jackets will have to cart me away.

It's just been THE DAY from HELL. Ughh!!!

Lets see, where to begin...

First, another day of nothing. WHERE is my motivation? The FRG finally sends out a date to stop mailing packages. This was a day to celebrate and instead I'm sitting here NUMB. I can't get myself motivated to do anything. The dining room hasn't been touched in a week and the bedroom - hell, why bother at this point.

Started the morning working for free again. Old boss needs help talking to some company doing some programming for them. Have already explained situation to boss twice, but NOOOO I have to explain it to THE GUY, who turns out NOT to be a programmer but will have to ask his programmer. Hey, why don't we cut the two of you out of the middle and I talk to the (gasp!!) PROGRAMMER. Nah, that'd make too much sense.

FRG Leader wants to activate rosters. I email asking FOR a roster. Umm yeah, we don't have one. She calls, I ask her to forward me the latest roster - no forwarded roster. Screw her and the roster. It's a little late in the game to be worried about it now. I hate for someone to be running the show but too damn lazy to hit a forward button. How damn hard is THAT??!!

I FORGET today is bill paying day. At close to four, it DAWNS on me I have a checkbook to balance and bills to write. YEAH ME.

Our bank's site is down. No getting the amount of deposit, no balancing checkbook. Call said bank and she wants to put me on the phone to the IT department. HELLO - I don't care about the website, I just want to get the amount of the deposit. Forget the Army site, that piece of crap locks my computer up 10 out of 10 times.

Decide desk is so messy, the least I can do is clean it OFF. I do and find a letter from my aunt that I never opened that arrived back in May. Yeah, I know - but I'm mastering the art of procrastination. Okay?

I usually call this aunt (elderly, bitter, always mad at someone for something) every week, but since the deployment, I'm just not in a place emotionally I can deal with her anger at the world and my down in the dumps. I've not called in a long while because the last time I hadn't called she bawled me out on the phone when I finally DID call. Not up for it. Nope. Just not setting myself up for it again or I might lose my temper and tell her to stuff it and then I'd feel guilty for the rest of my life. Nope, not calling was easier and making up for it when life was back to normal was the plan.

I open the letter and in it, she is telling me she has written me out of her will, so to please rip up the copies I have blah blah blah. Now, this is GOOD news. The taxes and the headache - my husband didn't want to deal with it. I didn't want to go through that, but I couldn't tell her that and hurt her or seem ungrateful. However, to END our relationship because I haven't called in several months? For crying out loud!! What the hell is wrong with her dialing finger? Thanks!! I feel LOVED.

I call her. I say, "Look, I don't care about the will. I want to know why we can't have a relationship? I'm so sorry that with a husband in a combat zone, working 50+ hours a week, taking care of my children and trying to make this house LIVABLE I didn't call as much as you would have liked, but to just cut all ties with me because of it?"

Click.

Yep, that's all I'm worth. Not even an explanation because MY WORLD did not revolve around her pissing and moaning about every damn thing on the fucking earth for a few months. God forgive me, but on top of him being gone, I just COULDN'T make myself want to call and listen to the same shit over and over that happened 50 freaking years ago and all participants but her are 8 feet under. I just could NOT make myself want to call, but you certainly didn't see my phone ringing off the hook. No, only I should spend money to listen to her bitch for two hours each week.

If she can live with it I can. At least now there is no guilt for not having called and sat through two hours of bitching every week.

One of my friend's call a few ago. We're talking about school - so I go to look up the website for the school district and all of a sudden I have this trojan warning on the screen and then I have to click this and that, and then a screen with a graphic of an enter button I've never seen is sitting there. Oh well, I restarted and ran norton - hell I'm here so I guess it's not too bad. Damn virus makers.

And to FINALLY TOP THE DAY off with another pile of shit, husband's wacko sister emails. She has been emailing since he left and I've deleted them. This time, she sends pictures of her children and then follows with another email stating "Dad gave me this address, I never hear back when I email, so let me know if this is right."

I've tried TWICE to have a civil relationship with this crackhead and both times within a day she's telling me how much she dislikes me. She doesn't KNOW me. I've seen her in person (after the first time she was ugly to me over the phone) ONCE - and I didn't speak a word to her. Later, she got our email address and emailed one day. I emailed her back, thinking be the bigger person, forgive and forget - and then for the second time she was nasty. See, I'm not the person she thinks her brother should be married to I guess - hell if I know. At any rate, I emailed her back tonight and said she has her brother's email address, email him. I'm not interested in going down this road again. Thanks but no thanks."

Hell at this point, I'm afraid to get up from this desk - figure the ceiling will cave in on me or I'll trip over a dog, break my fucking neck and it'll be MONTHS before anyone gets pissed off enough from not hearing from me to write to tell me they are writing me out of their will, meanwhile my decaying corpse isn't able to check the damn mail to get the letter in the first place.

I hate people. Today, I truly hate people.

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