The Deployment Diary

Saturday, July 31, 2004

Day 321 - Reconnecting With a Friend

My friend and her two children arrived last Sunday afternoon and stayed until Wednesday morning. The evenings, after we had all the babies asleep, were just like old times. We sat up every night until 2 in the morning talking, laughing and watching TV.

Back when we lived in the same area, my husband and I had started our family after meeting them. So, the first almost two years we were friends, she had a toddler and we were a childless couple. She was there when our daughter was born and I'll never be able to thank her enough for being there for my husband and I while I spent three days in labor. She'd bring food for my husband - and sneak me a little food ha ha. While I was still in surgery and my husband stayed with me, she went with our daughter and stayed right by her side until I was out of surgery, back in my room and they brought our baby to us. I was so upset at the thought of our daughter being alone with strangers after being born...she assured me she'd be there with her the entire time - and was. It eased this new Mommy's heart and mind so much.

For some extra money after our daughter was born, my husband worked a second job for a while as a bouncer at a bar right outside the gate of the installation. Of course, he'd gone through the command to get it approved. He'd get home from the Army around 6 pm, eat dinner right quick, change clothes and then bounce at the bar from 7 pm until 2 in the morning. When we look back now, we have no clue how he did it - but he did. Several nights a week, my friend would come over while he was working and stay until about twenty minutes before he would get home from the second job. She didn't want to intrude - being there when he came home after working from 5 in the morning for the Army until 2 in the morning at the bar... I never could go to sleep while he was working at the bar. It was a pretty rough place. She'd come over and help me pass the time.

We'd talk, sometimes color each other's hair - talk some more ha ha. Through the years we've remained friends while we each moved on to different installations and lived on opposite sides of the globe. It was really nice to see her again - and I feel as though we sort of reconnected during this visit. We've remained somewhat close through the years, but this past year - maybe year and a half, I've felt as though we were drifting apart. After this visit, I feel like we're back on track again. Close - as though we've spent all this time living at the same place together.

Our family just has a different parenting style than they do I guess. My children have rules and boundaries and hers do too, but her son (the same age as our son) doesn't seem to have grasped those boundaries just yet lol. The first two days were pretty rough, but by the late afternoon of the third day - things really were better. They could have stayed another few days and I would have been fine with it. Those first two days though, both of us thought "whoa, this ain't gonna work" LMBO! I'm very glad that in the end, things settled down and all of us ended up having a nice time.

She called last night and we talked for a bit. It sounds as though things are going well for her and I'm so relieved. They've had a lot of change in the past six to eight months. Her husband returned from the war, they moved from overseas back to the states, she has some medical problems - it's been a lot of change in a short period of time and a lot of adjustments. I'll keep praying that things continue to settle down and improve for her and her family. If you have a moment, please say some prayers for her. She's the kind of friend who would give you her last five dollars, would get up at 2 in the morning and talk if you called and needed an ear - would fly across the country if an emergency happened and you needed help. We may be different types of parents ;), but I'm truly blessed to have been able to call her friend for going on a decade.

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Wednesday, July 28, 2004

Day 318 - The Calm After The Storm....

Our house-guests left this morning.  I've spent the day straightening up and doing laundry, washing sheets.  They left around 8:30 this morning and the silence has been heaven.

Tomorrow night I'll try to sit down and tell the tale.

Hope everyone is having a good week.  Tomorrow is Thursday!!  Almost another week behind us!!

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Tuesday, July 27, 2004

Day 317 - Life STINKS...

I'll make this short...


If I ever recover emotionally LMAO, I may can bring myself to write about it.

Until then...prayers that tomorrow comes quickly and soon my life gets back to normal.

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Sunday, July 25, 2004

Day 315 - Not So Relaxing...

Last night my phone rang.  I figured it was my husband.  He'd said he was going to call.  I answer and it's one of my friends.  We've been friends for about a decade.  We've not seen each other since Christmas 1997 when they moved to Lousyanna and eight months later we moved to Alaska.  From there they went to Germany and just recently moved about six hours from us.  She calls and says she's coming up here tomorrow and spending a few days.  Now, I'm excited to see her, but I'd planned to take the next few days after the darn bedroom project and just relax.  I need to cut grass, I want to clean out closets and drawers.  I wanted to clean out my fridge and freezer, cabinets in the kitchen and put my new glasses I bought away.  Now, I'm waiting to hear from her to see what time she is leaving.  I'll need to go to the grocery store, I need to mop the kitchen and clean bathrooms.  I need to cut the grass - but I don't want to get out there yet, afraid I'll miss her call.  Ughh.

So, I couldn't sleep last night worrying about what all I'll need to get done before she arrives.  And not knowing how long she is staying, I don't know how much groceries to buy...just more stress that I really didn't need right now lol.  My week of no stress has turned into having stress LMBO. 

I finally went upstairs to go to bed around - gosh it was after midnight.  I'm so used to sleeping on the couch, I'd go to roll over and think I was going to roll off the couch LMBO and jolt myself awake lol.  Then, I'd realize I'm IN the new bed, roll over, and it'd be soooo comfortable, I'd sigh out loud LMBO!!!!  The dogs were really good.  I didn't let either of them on the bed and they both found alternative sleeping arrangements lol.  Big dog slept with ds and little dog - I'm not sure where she slept.  Tonight I'll be taking her small bed upstairs and putting it in our room so she can sleep in it.

At any rate, I'm hoping my friend will at least call this morning and let me know if/when she's leaving.  That way, I'll know when to expect her.  I guess I'll start my late spring cleaning the first week of August instead of this week lol.  It sure feels like fall/spring here!  With no windows in my bedroom, the babies came in there this morning and said it was FREEZING.  "Aren't you cold Momma?"  Momma didn't even open her eyes, she just stretched under the covers on the nice, soft mattress and said, "Not under the's toasty warm." LMBO!!  A favorite phrase of Grandma that makes our son laugh ;).

Hopefully tonight I won't wake myself up every time I roll over lol.  Amazing what a year sleeping on the couch will do to you lol.  Other than that, the new bed slept great!!

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Saturday, July 24, 2004

Day 314 - Went Shopping!!

My friend came over around 11:30 this morning.  She oooh'd and aaaah'd over the bedroom.  I love that woman lol.  She's just so good to me and my babies.  We headed out for Pizza Hut buffet and had a great time laughing and joking while grazing lol!  It was sooo good!

Then, the babies and I headed to Lowes and Walmart.  At Lowes, I bought rope to repair the weights in one of the windows.  Then I went on to Walmart where I bought a deep almost coffee color sheets, four pillows, new hairbows, a new hair brush (children lost mine, ughh), new makeup brushes, new undies lol, looked for new PJ's but couldn't find any so I settled on new glasses to drink out of lol. 

We're now home and the bed is MADE, the new sheets are ON the bed....and I'm patiently waiting for 9 pm where I can go crawl into my new bed and snore until sometime tomorrow morning LMBO!!!  I plan to sleep like a ROCK tonight.  It's freezing outside!  I tell you, it feels like fall, not the end of July.  It's raining and maybe 55 degrees.  I'll be getting in that bed, covering up and snoring so loud I wake the neighbors ROTFL!!

Hope everyone else has an equally exiting Saturday night lol!  I can't WAIT lol!!

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Thursday, July 22, 2004

Day 313 - Waiting on Furniture

I finished everything in the bedroom around 9 pm tonight.  I started a little late this morning, so I ended up having to work a little later than I anticipated tonight.  First thing I did was get the rest of the tools, primer, paint, paint brushes et al out of the bedroom.  Then, I ripped out the carpet in the closet.

I guess the good news is I'm not nuts LMBO.  Last week I had this "thing" happen where my shoulders felt as though they were on fire.  Like the skin was burning on the inside.  I'd get burning up hot - then get chills.  It's what I'd imagine hot flashes feel like.  It was so bad, I didn't sleep at all last Thursday night.  I tried to lay down on Friday night and it was still going on and I couldn't sleep.  I called Mother and she said to head up to the UCC (Urgent Care Clinic).  I did and after waiting forever - burning up one moment, freezing the next, a PA finally came in.  I went through what all I had done the past several days from ripping out carpet to cutting the grass.  He asked if I saw mold anywhere and I said no, but one small area in the floor looked as though it had slight water damage.  Long story short, he said I was probably having an allergic reaction to something and to give it 48 hours and it should stop.  Gave me two sleeping pills.  In 48 hours, after being able to sleep both nights, the burning was gone.

Fast forward to today.  I guess it's a good thing I left that carpet in the closet.  I was for sure that the burning was anxiety and I was finally going off the deep end lol.  I rip out the carpet in the closet this morning and carry it out to the trash.  I didn't even think anything about the burning issue.  After I ripped out the carpet, I immediately started cleaning the windows and the  storm windows (they were so nasty).  Two hours later, I take a break and notice that my shoulders are tingling.  I figure I'm just tired from working my rear off all week and my muscles aren't wanting to keep up.  An hour later, my shoulders are on fire again.  That was around 1 pm this afternoon.  It's now 12 hours later and they are still burning.  It's not as bad as last week, but it's burning.  Thankfully it was only a small area of carpet and padding to carry out.  The only thing I can think of is there is something in that carpet that my body can't handle.  The cleaners I used today I didn't use last week - and I've used the same ones for years.  The bedroom is finished, I get my new furniture tomorrow, we're going shopping in the afternoon - Saturday my friend is coming out and then I'm taking her and her children out to eat at Pizza Hut for a thank you for helping me last Sunday.  I'm not stressed in the least!  I actually haven't felt this positive emotionally in a long while.  Like I said, I'm glad I was in a hurry the day I ripped out the carpet and decided I could do the closet later - I needed to get to painting.  Had I not, I would have always assumed that the stress and anxiety of trying to finish in time made my body act crazy.  Now that it's going on again - the carpet seems to be the contributing factor. 


Lets see, the bedroom is COMPLETELY done and waiting on furniture.  I cleaned the window sills, used razor blades to clean the paint off the windows - cleaned the sink in the bedroom (odd I know, but it's a common thing in this area to have a sink in one bedroom for guests).  Then, I swept the floor, mopped (stopping to scrape off dots of paint I apparently spilled here and there and everywhere lol).  We stopped for dinner, then I went back upstairs and started waxing the floor.  Waxing a floor by hand is NO fun lol.  I kept hearing the Karate Kid saying "wax on, wax off" LMBO!!  One coat of wax added a little shine to the floor.  Before I knew it, I had decided two coats would look even better lol, so I added a second coat.  I let it dry and went back to buffing it with a soft dry cloth.  The floor isn't perfect, but it now has a smooth feel to it when you walk on it.  Before waxing it, your feet wouldn't slide across the floor at all.  After waxing, in socks you could slide across the floor like Tom Cruise in Risky Business if you wanted to lol.  It's not as shiny as I'd like, but it's protected now and it looks better all clean and dust free ;).

While I was buffing the second coat, my husband called.  That's THREE days this week we have talked!  It has truly been a wonderful week being able to talk with him so much.  I sort of feel as though we've finished the bedroom together since three nights I worked while talking to him (trying to paint and hold a phone is not so easy for me lol).  He's so excited to see the furniture in there.  We'd gone to the local furniture store while he was on leave a few weeks prior to finding out he was deploying for a year.  We really liked this one bedroom suit.  It had a headboard, footboard, dresser with mirror and a tall dresser.  Well, we never went back to buy it.  In December, husband emailed and said to please go buy the bedroom suit before it was purchased by someone else.  So, I did - I put it on layaway because the bedroom wasn't finished and I didn't have anywhere to put it.  At any rate, it's been so long, he can't remember what it looked like lol, he just remembers that he really liked it and he measured to make sure it would fit in our bedroom.  We both thought the bed was a full size and it turns out it is a queen.  I'm praying it will fit better than the king...

Tomorrow, it's clean the house day.  For a week now I've sort of let things downstairs go while I finished the bedroom.  Now, I have time to really clean the downstairs.  It's odd, I know, but I'm really looking forward to it  AND cooking dinner!  I mean real meals - not quick, hurry lets eat so I can get back upstairs and get to work.  I'm so relieved that bedroom is finished, I feel as though 200 lbs have been lifted off my shoulders.  I told my husband tonight, I cannot wait to take a shower and crawl into that new bed.  I wasn't planning on sleeping in it until he got home, but the couch is killing my back.  The thought of that soft pillowtop mattress just makes me imagine getting a great night's sleep!

Ok, it's late.  I better get to the couch.  Tomorrow is another busy day ;).  I'll be sending photos of the bedroom tomorrow after the furniture arrives!

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Wednesday, July 21, 2004

I'm DONE!!!!!!!

I can't believe it, but I am finally done painting!!  I finished up around 10 pm and then had to cart down a lot of stuff - take the trash out for the garbage man tomorrow, so it was 10:30 when I finally sat down. 

I'm officially completely and utterly EXHAUSTED.  Our daughter's room is just like our room with the alcove.  We had to replace the ceiling in the alcove in her room- but other than that it was the same job pretty much.  It took me three months to do her room...and I've just done ours in what - ten/twelve days?  I'll have to go back and see when I started this project.  At any rate I'm completely worn out, sore - filthy blah blah blah.

Tomorrow I'll cart down some more stuff.  Rip out the little bit of carpet in the closet, then get a bucket full of hot soapy water and wash those floors really good before I wax them.  I will also be cleaning out the window sills and caulking.  Hopefully by 4 tomorrow evening, the room will be ready for furniture!!!! 

I've got to move our old dresser out of the upstairs hall though.  No way they can get the new furniture around that thing.  I figure I'll put it in the Army room, then move it back once they get done. 

Depending on when the furniture comes on Friday, we'll be going to Wal-Mart to get some sheets and pillows for the new bed!!  I also  plan to get some new petunias to put in the urns out front.  I've been so busy I've not watered them and they are burned to a crisp.  Now that I am going to have some free time next week, I'll have time to water them every night lol. 

I'm so RELIEVED to be done with the damn bedroom.  I'm still sort of shocked I'm done.  The trim took three coats - the walls took two coats, some places a third coat.  The only thing I have left to do paint wise - are the windows.  This weekend when it cools off from 105 to upper 80's, I'll take them out back, sand them down really well and then paint them.  Because of the lead worries, I'll be doing it without the babies around and have to do the take the clothes off in the basement so not to contaminate the house - then shower, then put on clean clothes and wash the sanding clothes separate.  Until my babies are older, lead is a real concern when it comes to renovating, so I play it safe and take no chances.

Well, guess this is all the news I have.  I can't believe tomorrow is already Thursday!  I'm so glad!!  The previous two weeks I thought would NEVER end and this one has just flown by!  If all the weeks will go by this fast until he comes home, life would be perfect lol!

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Day 311 - Today is the day??

I'm truly hopeful that I can finish the painting in the bedroom today.  PLEASE let today be the day lol.  I'm so tired of painting I could scream lol.

Yesterday I worked ALL day and up until midnight.  I had planned to finish the first coat on all the trim, but by midnight, my body and my energy level said forget it.  I packed it in, took a shower and was out like a light until 8:30 this morning.  I'm still tired and my body is sore, but I'm so close to being done.

I have the wall facing the drive to put a second coat of off-white on the trim, then I have the wall where the closet is to put two coats on the trim.  Once I'm done with that, I can paint the rest of the alcove's wall and behind the door.  I figure, worst case scenario, I'll have to work until midnight again tonight....then tomorrow I can spend the day cleaning everything. 

I'll be so glad when this bedroom project is FINISHED lol.  It's the fastest I've ever done a room...and my body is hating me for it.  It sure will be nice when it's done though.  Everything always feels dirty to me in this house until I redo a room.  After 50 years of no one cleaning very well, no matter how much I scrub something, it still feels dirty.  Our bedroom was the worst.  The blue/green color just looked dirty to me.  Now, the trim is white and shiny, the walls have a deep color on them...everything FEELS clean (except the floor that I will be getting to tomorrow hopefully lol) and I know we are going to sleep sooo good in there!

Last night, he called AGAIN!  I told him, three nights in a row - it's the most we've talked in almost a year!!  We joked a lot on the phone and it felt so good to laugh.  Gosh, it'll be so nice to have him home where we can talk like that every day!!  If I can just stay calm about the convoy out.  I think about it and start having the beating heart thing...please keep them in your prayers that everyone makes it safely out of there.  We're getting so close.

Well, since we woke up a bit late, I'm getting a late start.  I better get to work.  Hopefully tonight I'll have pictures to share.

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Tuesday, July 20, 2004

Day 310 - Another Full Day Ahead

Unfortunately, I ran out of steam and paint close to midnight.  I was almost finished with the one big wall in the alcove when the last of the dark plum ran out.  I cannot believe a gallon would not do that entire room.  A gallon covered our daughter's room and the kitchen - guess due to having to put two coats possibly??  Who knows, but a trip to Wal-Mart this afternoon or in the morning will be in order. 
The plan for today is to do the trim.  Surely a gallon of off-white will do all the trim in this room lol.  If I finish early enough, we'll head out to Wal-Mart this evening and get a half gallon of the deep plum and either tonight or tomorrow morning I'll finish the one wall in the alcove and behind the door - and the door.  Wed afternoon I'll rip out the carpet in the closet, get all the tools out of the room, clean and start on waxing that floor. 
Talk about just being completely BEAT. 
Last night I got the babies to bed and started working when the phone rang.  It was husband ;).  I guess since he'd overslept Sunday, he wanted to make up for lost time last night.  We talked for a was so odd being in our room that looks completely different than when we he left - sitting and talking with him.  I told him that I miss a lot of things, but being able to talk to him every day was one of the biggest things I miss.  It's just such a relief to hear his voice (and have I mentioned what a great, sexy voice he has lol?), for us to joke, laugh - and be "together" for just a few minutes...
Gosh I miss him more every single day.  It just does not get any easier and I'm afraid the last part of waiting for the day he's finally home is going to be as hard or harder in some ways than those first months after he left.  As the days tick down, seeing one another again is all either of us can think of.  My goodness - my heart just can't wait to feel whole again...
I was worried about the color.  It's bold - and he's not much of a bold color guy like I'm not a bold color kind of a gal lol.  I emailed photos last night, but when he called he hadn't seen them.  He emailed later last night and said he LOVED the color.  WHEW!!  I'm so relieved.  He says he's redoing our son's room while on leave and I'm not lifting a finger.  Ummm, yeah lol.  Right.  He's officially painted the garage - he has not restored a room lol.  Not that I don't think he could do it, I just don't think he understands what all is involved lol.  I will gladly let him rip all the carpet out of the room LMBO, but I will be helping him get the wallpaper off the walls and repairing all the cracks.  Plus, if he's somewhere I can be - my plan is to be stuck to him like glue lol!!
Back to work I go.  It's 8:30 and the day isn't getting any younger.

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Monday, July 19, 2004

Day 309 - Welcome to Baghdad

Lucky me.  It's 100+ out today and tomorrow.  I have all the windows out of that room lol and if I ever wanted to know what Baghdad felt like, well I think I have a good damn idea about now.  Upstairs is always hotter than downstairs, plus no air and the windows open while painting....
I am proud to report that I have two coats of paint on the walls in the room - I have a small section for a second coat on one wall, but the rest is pretty much done.  Tonight, I'll do the alcove.  I've decided to pull an all-nighter.  It's the only way I'm going to finish before Friday and the fact I can't sleep anyway, well, why channel surf on my duff while I can be painting lol?
The color is a deep plum.  It's so dark - but I think it's beautiful.  Now, whether my husband will like it or not - that is the question lol.  Figure if he hates it, he can repaint it while he's on leave LMAO!
I hope to be done with the walls by 11 tonight.  The walls in the alcove are much smaller than the walls in the bedroom portion so I am hopeful it will go faster.  I'll take some photos, send everyone an email with the progress while I take a break until midnight and then start on the trim.  Hopefully from midnight until 6, I can get all the trim done and only have the windows to sand and paint tomorrow.  I've decided not to prime them so they won't stick too bad (hopefully).
So, by tomorrow evening, I'm praying to be almost done.  I'll get groceries Wed. morning - then spend Wed. afternoon and Thursday cleaning the room, ripping the carpet out of the closet (yeah, I don't know what I was thinking when I didn't get that) and waxing the floor. 
Anyhow, it's time for baths and to get back to work.  Hope everyone had a great Monday!!

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Sunday, July 18, 2004

Day 308 - Great Friends...

I have some of the most wonderful friends.  The majority of them are online ;).  Right after he deployed, I'd gone to our FRG meeting and met two ladies.  One, I've become really close to.  She's so good to me. 
She called last night and said she was coming out today.  I told her she couldn't lol - my house was a wreck and after last night's decision that half a bottle of liquor would help some anxiety I seem to be having LMAO - I would be in NO shape to be seen lol.  She pretty much said to stuff it, she was coming and would beat on the door until I opened it lol.
She showed up with her two little ones in tow - and all the fixings for lunch.  She brought buns, deli meat, cheese, chips, paper plates, potato salad, drinks for the babies, soda for us...
Truly wonderful.
After lunch, I took her up to see the bedroom.  She'd been here a few weeks ago and saw it as I was stripping the wallpaper.  She said, "Now, I'm here to paint.  You go get a chair, sit and talk to me why I prime some for a while."
I told her there was no way I was sitting while she worked on the *damn* bedroom - we'd go back downstairs and talk while the babies played.  She insisted - so I came down and got the paint brushes and stuff - and we got to work.
I'm proud to report that everything is primed but the three windows that are out (the window facings in the wall are primed).  Tomorrow, the deep plum for the walls goes on...I hope to be able to finish the walls tomorrow. 
Tuesday, I HAVE to get groceries.  It's slim pickin's around here for sure lol.  She's coming back out Tuesday afternoon to help me finish up.  If I can get all the white on the trim on Tuesday, then Wednesday, I can clean the windows, caulk - clean the floor and then WAX the floor.  I hope to put a really good shine on that floor...if my stupid body will cooperate that is ;).
Husband just called.  He usually calls at 7, but it was 8:15 or so when the phone finally rang.  I've been in knots since he'd emailed he'd call, but they had something to do.  He usually doesn't say when he's doing something and under the current level of stress I'm living in, knowing and then not getting a call was NOT good on the anxiety thing I seem to have started up with several days ago.
But, all was well - he'd just overslept and felt so bad about it.  I told him not to worry a bit - just as long as he's ok, it's no big thing. 
We're on the downhill slide.  As the days tick away, it's getting harder and harder emotionally to handle it.  I get so wrapped around the axle and knowing we are getting close, but it's still so far away is making me insane - truly.  The stress is coming out in physical ways now and between my health problems and this new anxiety, burning skin, heart beating so hard it feels as though it will explode et al - something's got to give soon.
Tomorrow is an early day, so I'll close.  Gosh I hope I can get all the walls done tomorrow AND that I really like the color I chose for the walls when it actually goes on lol.  It's a bold, deep color and I'm not a bold, deep color kinda gal...
Till next time...

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Thursday, July 15, 2004

Another Long Day...

My body is stil rebelling. Have I mentioned how much I hate my body and my medical problems? Old house, deployment, broke up body - that equals one miserable woman lol. Two weeks until I see my doctor again - hopefully.

I wake up this morning and have to go to the store so I can write the bills. Out of stamps. I come back home and guess who is loading up that hunk of crap by the garbage? Ah, my friend Mr. Pansy Man.

I now feel deep regret for having vented about him lol. The guy was so nice. I feel like a big huge LOSER *sigh*

He was parked in front of the drive loading the last of it when we pulled up and got out of the car. He said HI and I said, "Sorry about all that stuff - I'm trying to redo a room and tried to stack it neatly."

He said, "You carried all this out here?"

I explained that yeppers, it was either I carry it out or it sit there. The dogs are on strike lol.

He said he'd noticed the sticker on my car. I have a "Half of my heart is in Iraq" sticker on the back of my husband's car. I stopped driving mine at the six month mark because I just felt the need to drive his to be closer to him somehow.

At any rate, he told me about this conversation he'd had with my husband. He'd asked him if would be heading over. He said he thought it wasn't too long after the war started. That my husband had said probably not - their mission was another area of the world and plus he'd be retiring in so many months. He said the next thing he knew was he saw the sticker on my car and put two and two together.

I don't know - just hearing about a conversation someone else shared with my husband made me miss him more somehow.

He was super nice though...Said he had no problem picking up whatever I put out. He said, "If you can get it out here, I can get it in the truck. It was the stuff your husband put out here. I could drag it to the truck, but I couldn't lift it. He's a big ol' guy..."

Now, I don't remember him taking anything to the trash. I'm the house project person, but...hell maybe he did. And if he loaded up something and put it out there, most likely it was heavy. Yes, I feel like a real *bi-atch* about now. That'll teach me.

So, I come in and write the bills. I head back out to cut the grass before it gets too hot. The backyard is already a jungle again. I get the crap lawnmower started, get a quarter of the jungle cut and all of a sudden the muffler thing flies off the damn mower. Have I mentioned the handle coming apart several months ago? I swear it's breaking apart one piece at a time. It's going to meet my 38 up close and personal if it keeps it up.

I cut off the mower. I AM smart enough to know the damn thing will be HOT (worked on cars growing up thank you) - so I go get my heavy garden leather gloves out. I put them on, go and pick it up to scew it back on...and it burns me through the gloves - then I can't get the gloves off and the glove got so hot it burned my hand all the way down as I pulled the glove off...

Yes, I said scew it and came back in lol. We ate lunch. I got in the recliner to rest. I'm hurting SO bad and I do not know how to keep moving while I'm hurting so bad. The babies head upstairs to get something and holler that the cat had found my water in the bedroom and knocked it over...

Five minutes sitting and I'm back up to clean the water off the floor. Said forget it and we went to pick up a few things at the local grocery until next week's grocery day.

Now, we're home. I'm about to go fight with the lawnmower again. Figure it should be cooled off enough by now LMBO.

What a damn day...

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Day 305 - Clarification...

I wanted to thank everyone for the encouraging words in the comments section and sweet emails. I truly appreciate it and cannot thank you enough. I wanted to clarify about the purpose of the blog though...

It's just to store my emotions so when he gets home, he can sit down one night when he's bored and read until his heart is content. See, he's a nosey man, so had I written a journal the old fashioned way, he'd have found it and read it lol. I thought, hey - why have him waste the time searching for it? I'll put it right here online where the world can read along too lol! THEN everyone will know I'm certifiable LMBO!!

It's just a place where when I want to scream and I can't talk to him at the end of the day to sort of get it all out - I can come here and spill it. Otherwise, I'll bottle it up and well - can you imagine what would happen if I bottled all this up lol?

So, even when I share entries like yesterday - it may sound as though I spent the day crying - and some of the day I did have spurts no doubt lol. However, I still managed to work to renovate a room, take care of the chores around here, feed my children, bath myself and my children LMBO - and carry on.

I just want him to know what I thought and most importantly - how much every day without him hurt me so deeply that I have truly wondered HOW I would go on living one more day without him. I wanted him to know there was not a day that my love was not strong, loyal and ever growing. That my heart and my soul only belong to him whether he's here or on the other side of the world. I wanted him to know that there was not ONE day where he was not loved and thought of and needed so desperately. I just want him to know so if he ever had any doubt life was "fine" while he was gone, he could sit down and see that yes, life went on, but it was not fun nor happy nor fine.

That's the purpose of the blog. To share my emotions, as they come. The high points, the low points and everything in between. And, it's all for him. So one day after things are back to normal, he can see how much he was loved and missed - and how broken my heart is when I can't share my life with him in person...

I'm a little looney ;), but I'm fine. I promise.

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Wednesday, July 14, 2004

Day 304 - I Knew it Was...

a cry in the closet day the minute I woke up this morning and could barely get up off the couch. My arms, my back, my shoulders...everything hurt. Guess carting out all that carpet wasn't such a great thing for my body lol. I was so stiff I felt like a train wreck for sure. On top of it, I couldn't sleep last night. I was so worn out, but starting at 10 pm, there was no going to sleep no matter how many times I tried. Yep, makes for a pity party for ONE the next day lol. Being overly tired does it to me every time lol. The husband makes sure we go to bed at decent times so he can reduce the, "Nothing's wrong, I'm just tired and that commercial was so sad..."

Yeah - therapy, I know, I know.

So I get up and groan to the kitchen to make coffee. I try to get woke up and moving. I get breakfast for the babies and then get upstairs to work on what is now called the damn bedroom lol.

I see *it* the minute I walked in the door. *It* is a project in the room that I failed to take into consideration when making my plans for the day lol.

There it was, two and a half inches of space between the baseboard's molding and the floor - just enough room for carpeting and padding LMAO. I hadn't removed the molding trying to skirt some work...I'm an idiot. I know.

So, all morning was spent prying those things off and nailing them back on - where they actually TOUCH the floor. It was 11 before I knew it and I was starved, so downstairs for an early lunch we came.

At 12:30 I get in the recliner. I'm hurting and when I stand up I'm light headed - add my belly in the mix and I'm just not worth shootin'. I plan to sit there until 1:30, then get up there and finish wet sanding all the woodwork so I can start priming.

I lean back in the recliner, aches - pains, ughh. I close my eyes thinking if I could just focus on something else, the pain wouldn't be so bad and I can get back to work. Somehow my mind says, "You want motivation? Your husband will be home and he'll be sleeping in the recliner while you are on the couch because your lazy butt hasn't finished the *damn* bedroom and HE HAS NOWHERE TO SLEEP!!!!"

I start thinking about seeing him - that brings on the pounding heart, chest pains, feelings of wanting to run to wherever he is because I just can't take another minute without him.

I open my eyes, think - well, this is worthless. Might as well get up and get back to work.

By 5, I had wet sanded every bit of woodwork, primed part of the window in the alcove, the big wall in the alcove and part of the wall above the sink. I brought all the stuff down to wash - and came in the living room for a minute to sit at the computer and rest.

I sit down at the computer and what do I do while my children are upstairs? I burst into tears. "I'm so tirrrrred" sob sob sob. Sheesh.

I get them to bed later on, sit down in the recliner for a minute. I'm just going to flip channels for a sec then return emails. Instead, I start watching the old movie Stars and Stripes Forever. SUCH a good movie. If you've not seen it, DO.

What do I do? I sob through the last ten or so minutes of it. Yeah, therapy is needed. Again, I know.

Usually my husband emails later in the evening. I write him right before bed, then he emails sometime and I get it in the morning on the days he can email. Well, I had been reading online and hadn't emailed him yet. I get a new email and look and see it's from him - so I cry because he had checked his email and I'd not written him yet so he had nothing waiting on him.

Yeah, I am going for a world record of crying jags today!!

There's more...

After writing husband, I head outside to water the dying plants that haven't been watered in a month or so lol. I get the hose out, drag it onto the porch, water everything.

I put the hose away and since now the grass is wet, I walk on the sidewalk around to the front of the house and look up. I can remember those first days after he left, I'd drive up to the house after dropping off our daughter to school and want to just drive away. Not even go inside.

This was our dream home. It was going to be filled with love and laughter and good times - our good times. He was retiring soon after we bought it.

I stood there looking at the house and thought - next month he was retiring. He was going to be hanging up the uniform NEXT month. This was the year we were suppose to have MORE time together. Where he could take off early if he wanted - or have a long lunch, do the ACAP classes and sham. I always laughed telling him he'd work like a dog until the day they told him he had to go home lol. He just couldn't sham if they paid him. Anyhow this was finally to be OUR year after his 19 others, not the Army's...

I walk past our front walk towards my neighbor's house. Audrey used to live there, but moved this past spring. I remembered this time of year that first summer we'd owned the house. He was still sick of the house lol, but he was coming around. He'd gone over to have a beer with Audrey's husband and I'd come out and had a drink with Audrey on our porch. I am not a drinker - so one drink and I'm ready to snore ;).

I walked over to their porch and husband and I walked back to our house with our arms around each other. We got just to the left of our front walk and Audrey is standing there with us. He looks up at the house, it's dark and you can't see the peeling paint that gave it that famous crackhouse feel lol. He said, "You know, it's a great looking house when it's dark."

Audrey and I busted out laughing lol. I told him, "See! When it gets painted, it'll be beautiful! You'll see, you'll love the house! One day you WILL say I was right."

He leaned over and kissed me and he said, "I'll love anywhere you are, baby."

And in an instant, I'm swooped back into the present like some cheesy movie flash back - and there I stood. Alone. At the very place just two summer's ago we'd stood and laughed and joked. And I'm looking at our beautiful home in the dark - much like the night I was remembering and I'm there alone. And it's been so long since anyone's hugged me but my children, I can't remember what it feels like to be in his arms.

I mumbled, "This isn't suppose to be like this. I look at this house and I feel lonely and isolated and fear and uncertainty. It's not filled with love and it hasn't been in such a long time. It wasn't suppose to be like this!!!" (insert tears welling up and a sob coming on)

Then, I realized I'm standing out in front of my house talking to myself. I figured someone on this nosey block was watching so I'd better just get my ass back inside where I can cry in the closet and talk to myself all I want - without the men in white coats coming for me lol.

Tomorrow just has to be better lol.

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Tuesday, July 13, 2004

Old house living...

I know, I know. I'm posting too much today. Oh well - I'm sure there will be a few days next week I miss.

So I write the rant about our garbage man. I get the babies to pick up their toys, we put away our glasses - head upstairs to get their baths (I took a shower earlier as soon as I finished in that room for the day - I was DIR-TY!).

I've been back down for - oh, ten minutes. Got some coffee brewing. Planning to go flip some channels and then hit the hay around 9. I'm sitting here reading when - out of nowhere, my son's toy GARBAGE TRUCK (no, I'm NOT making this up lol) starts making it's noise. It makes this sound when you open and close the back of it. "Crunch, crunch, crunch - hiccup. Crunch, crunch, crunch - hiccup."

I actually laughed out loud when I heard it. Here it was not 45 minutes ago I'm ranting away about pansy man - and now out of nowhere, in the toy box, with no one touching it or having touched it in almost an hour, it starts going off. Kept it up until I made my way to it and picked it up. Nope, no way for a button to be pushed. You have to lift the handle and then put it back down to make the noise. No handle was moving lol.

Do, do, do, do.

Every time I start to renovate a room, odd little things happen. Easily explained by coincidence if they weren't EVERY time I start a new project lol. So, this time I plan on keeping track of all the odd little things that go on while I redo our bedroom lol.

Maybe the ghost was telling me I need to watch my language - and my attitude lol! Maybe he used to be a garbage man LMBO!!

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Pansy Man aka the Garbage Man

If it's on this hurts. My gosh, everything I have is hurting or aching. Gosh what a day. Earlier, when I mentioned going through and pulling out the staples, I forgot ONE crucial part...going around the edges of the room and removing the wood, spiked strips that are NAILED down that hold the carpet in place. Add two and a half hours lol. It takes a hammer, a flat head screw driver - and carefully popping out nails while stabbing yourself over and over with the spikes while you try to get the things off the floor. I was doing darn good on time too - until I realized I had to get the wood spiked things up. Sheesh.

I'll have to get a photo of the trash. My gosh the stuff is piled high in the garbage wheeled thing the company dropped off. Oh and then there's another PILE of carpet and padding and bags full of crap from that room on top of it. Mr. Pansy Man (our garbage man) is gonna be cussing me on Thursday heh heh.

See, he and I go WAAAY back to when we first bought the crack house. Now remember, I may be small but I have a temper that scares my husband lol - and he's weighing in at 260 lbs these days lol. Anyhow, those first months in the house, well - life was NO fun. Let me rephrase - life was HELL. Husband thought we'd made the most awful decision buying this house and it looked like shit on the outside and after working 16 hours and driving up to see a piece of shit house he's having to pay for and this doesn't work and that needs fixing and what were we thinking...

Yeah. I wanted to strangle him lol. It's really not his fault. I should have known before we bought the house that Mr. Meticulous could NOT live in disarray for ONE day, much less months as we renovate a house. It makes him NUTS. And, in turn - him being nuts makes me become a bitch heh heh. Yeah, it's all his fault LMBO!

Ok, so back to Garbage Pansy Man. The kitchen was AWFUL when we moved in. So nasty and awful, we couldn't even cook in there. I ripped out carpet and linoleum and tiles - then the wood floor had black hard as a rock adhesive that would NOT come off without doing one foot by one foot sections, soaking it with Greased Lightening of all things and using a scraper to scrape the goo off the floor. Nope, even adhesive remover wouldn't make the stuff budge.

Every day the kitchen stayed a wreck, it was another day the husband had to bitch lol. And, my sparkling personality went downhill from there LMBO. Now, keep in mind we both now LOVE the house and he cannot wait to get home to rip out walls and do this and that - but those first months... Whew - you could cut the tension with a KNIFE lol.

So here I am lugging all this crap out to our measly won't hold dog poop much less renovation stuff trash can - and making a neat and tidy pile NEXT to the can. I call the garbage company and find out I can have up to FIVE bundles of extra stuff, but nothing can be longer than five feet. I measure, I tie it up, I have it ready.

Bastard leaves it sitting there. Just empties the can without touching the mountain of crap sitting next to it (five piles, but it was a HIGH five foot width - five piles lol). I call the company. I tell them - I measured, I tied it up, I had it ready - and it's still sitting on my lawn. She says she'll call me back.

She calls me back and had talked to the driver. He said it was too HEAVY. I explained my size to the lady and suggested that unless he wants his manhood in the crapper when he pulls back up and I put the shit in the back of the truck FOR HIM in front of the entire town...he'll stop lying, admit he didn't even TRY to pick it up and come do HIS JOB.

Five minutes later - you can hear that engine roaring around the block - Mr. Pansy Man has the pedal to the medal lol. I'm standing just inside the door scoping out what Mr. Pansy Man is going to do. He gets out, he throws all the stuff in the back of the truck (wow, wasn't so heavy after all) - oh and you can see his lips moving where he's cussing up a storm lol.

After the last bundle, before he can make his scrawny self get back on the truck he's just GOT to hit something. He knows he can't knock on my door and hit me - I'm stronger than he is and I'd kick his pansy ass heh heh, so he KICKS the trash can over. OOOOOhhhhh. What a big man!! Way to go!!

Yes, I called and suggested they get him anger management training LMBO. So it was my goal in life for several weeks after that to stomp on his ego every Thursday lol. I would be outside when he pulled up. Each week there were more piles of crap I'd ripped out of this place and each week I'd be in the yard and say, "It's pretty heavy, you need some help with that?!"

He'd shake his head and cuss lol. Well, that's what you get for being a pansy man - little guy with a little man complex. Have I mentioned I have a brother who had little man complex? Little men with complexes make me have flashbacks LMBO and I want to HURT them when they start showing symptoms of "the complex." Idiots.

So there you have it. When Thursday rolls around, I'll get to see his day go into the crapper because he has to get his lazy ass OFF the truck and pick something UP. Oh the horror! Oh the shame! Hell, he should have tried carrying all that shit down two flights of stairs (with two children screaming "Can I go??! Can I go??!" like I'm going to Florida or something), two dogs who want to see how fast you can fall down the stairs instead of walk - a door to get through without letting said little people or dogs OUT while carting the crap...yeah, throwing it in the truck is SO HARD (rolling eyes).

Next time, I'll tell you what I found under the radiator LMBO! The excitement of old house life!! You can hardly stand it, can you? lol!

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Spiders - Where's my gun!!

I can deal with mice. I can deal with a lot of stuff - but bugs and especially spiders, I draw the line.

This morning, our son is having a "pretend birthday." Big sister used construction paper yesterday to wrap up some of her old toys to give to her brother so he could have a pretend birthday party today ;).

Well, they were in the foyer unwrapping the presents after breakfast when my son screams SPIDER and runs in here about to cry. I got my shoe and figured, little bitty spider. Yeah, right.

There were about 10 construction papered presents under the table in the foyer. I start moving them one by one. Each one, I ready the shoe to squish the offending crawly thing. After each one, I'd convinced myself that he must have seen a shadow, not a spider.

That is, until the pink stapled present that I picked up and a spider the size of a tarantula came running out from under it. I screamed, smashed him with my shoe and he took off running for our son. I yell MOVE - and squish him again. This time he's down for the count I think, and to my surprise, the bastard tries to get up and go again. I smashed him a third time, got a tissue and came back, got the spider and then put it in the toilet to flush. At the rate we were going, the damn thing would have woken up in the trash and came looking for me tonight while I was snoring lol.

I can't wait until he's's his job to kill spiders lol. I'd prefer to get my 38 out and shoot them from a safe distance. Of course, then I'd have even more crap to repair in this old house, but at least I would not be close enough to see the eyes of the legged thing (shivers). I HATE spiders.

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Day 303 - It's 0 Dark Thirty and I'm UP!!

I thought yesterday was bad. Our son woke up at 5:30 screaming "SUNDER....SUNDER." Nothing like a blood curdling scream to start your day off with lol. He thought he heard thunder lol. Not a cloud in the sky, so I don't know what he heard lol. The screams woke up our daughter and everyone was downstairs - so I said we might as well get up and get going ;).

This morning? I woke up at 3:00! Yeah me! Three in the morning and for some crazy, stupid reason I'm sitting here. I tried to go back to sleep - but then started thinking about sKerry for some reason, got myself all ticked off and figured - well hell, I'm awake now, might as well make coffee. Ughh.

Yesterday was a darn good, productive day if I do say so myself. I put the tape on all the big cracks in the plaster, put the first coat of stuff on all them. It's so hot up there (was 100 degrees yesterday), it dried fast so I could sand the first coat and put on a second coat! Daughter came to the door and said it was five - so I finished the last two cracks and called it a day.

This morning, I'll start out by sanding all the second coats. Hopefully none will need a third. Several corners needed repairing and those are the hardest - the ones you have to really concentrate to get just right. I'm about out of drywall mud if you can believe that. The husband bought a HUGE bucket of the stuff last year when we were replacing a portion of our daughter's ceiling. Her room had a lot of cracks due to water damage (leaky roof for years), so between her room, the dining room and now our bedroom - we've gone through a bucket of the stuff. Good grief, I dread seeing how much we'll go through to do the foyer and the mezzanine lol.

Back to today's plan...

I'll sand down all the second coat. Then I'll vacuum up as much of the dust as I can. After that, I'll get all the tools and stuff out of the room and start ripping up the carpet. That'll take most of the day I figure. When you are five foot two and weigh in at 100 lbs and the muscle of the family is on the other side of the world - you have to cut it in small strips and carry it out. After I get all the carpet and padding out, I'll have to go through with pliers and pull out all the staples in the floor. Sure to miss ONE and then step on it so I can say ugly words lol.

If there's enough time after I fight with the carpet, I'll take the windows out and put them in the backyard for later tonight so I can sand them after the babies go to bed.

I have to call the furniture store today. I'm going to see if they can deliver it on Monday for me, but if not, then I'll have to climb over all that furniture to get up the stairs lol.

Ok, well - it's now four in the morning. Reminds me of an old Night Ranger song from back in the day, "Four in the morning, came without a warning, everybody's got a place to be." Or, something like that. Been decades since I listened to Night Ranger ROTFL!

Hope you all have a good Tuesday!

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Monday, July 12, 2004

Day 302 - More Work...

Well, yesterday I finished getting all the wallpaper off the walls. By the time I finished, it was 4:30 and time to get cleaned up and fix dinner. After dinner I gave baths and put them to bed. I didn't expect husband to call since he didn't email the night before. Figured someone had been hurt or worse...

At 7 though, the phone rang. Seems the idea of getting up at 4 in the morning is getting popular. There were quite a few folks on the phones. The guy next to him was so loud lol. I felt like I was talking to him for a minute because I could hear him laughing and every word he was saying. Then, the husband said hang on, ripped the guy a new one for being too loud - then we had a decent conversation lol. Ah to be my husband just for a DAY! I'd love to be able to look at someone mean and have them shake in their shoes lol. I can't wait until he's home and we can go to Wal-Mart together lol. For me, I'm constantly saying excuse me, pardon me, sorry, excuse me. With dh, I just get behind him - and the crowd parts LMBO. People see him coming and MOVE. Imagine the concept lol!

The weekend before he left we'd gone to Lowes. Gosh I remember it like it was yesterday. The babies were riding in the cart with him pushing and I was walking behind them wiping tears. At one point, I had both my arms wrapped around his left arm and my head on his upper arm - trying to remember exactly what it felt like mentally and physically. That feeling of being safe and secure and loved and needed - his gorgeous arm - he's got the greatest arms and chest....sigh

I've not thought about that day in months. In the beginning I'd think about the day walking through Lowes several times a day - and burst into tears once little eyes and ears were not within ear shot. We'd gone to Applebee's for lunch after. We sat in the little waiting area and I had to keep my tissue out and continuously wipe tears. They just kept coming and I couldn't make them stop. The harder I tried, the more tears would come. I'm sure people were wondering what that mean guy did to make that little woman cry...looks can be so deceiving. I'm sure they would have been shocked to find out the woman was crying because, for the life of her, she didn't know how she was going to live an entire year without holding the person she loves most in the world. Gosh that day, I truly had no idea what I was doing - or how I'd ever make it through a year. As we were getting our table, we saw our electrician leaving. He'd heard through the grapevine he was going to Iraq. In our small town, word travels fast. He took one look at me, eyes all puffy - wiping tears - and the look of pity on his face crushed me. I've never had anyone PITY me. Ughh. Oh well, long time ago.

Today it's repair the cracks in the walls day. Then it's mow the grass after that...

I'm officially SICK of this house lol. Hope everyone has a good week.

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Sunday, July 11, 2004

Day 301 - More Work on the House

I didn't do anything to the house yesterday. I felt like crap and spent the day on the couch wishing for death.

Today, I'm not feeling much better, but I have no choice but to get to work. I'm running out of time and I'm not going to be finished as it is. I'm going to try to strip the rest of that wallpaper off all the walls. Maybe I can start on a crack or two today. Tuesday I have to go to the furniture store to set up a time for them to deliver on Thursday. I guess I'll have them put everything on the landing until I finish with the room. My friend said she'd come out and help me move everything once I was done. Ughh. I wish I'd never even started on this bedroom. It's been nothing but a source of stress.

Off to work I go...

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Friday, July 09, 2004

Day 299 -Daughter's Birthday Party

The last "thing" to make it through before he returns.

We made it through our son's birthday, Halloween, Thanksgiving, Christmas, New Year's, Valentine's Day, my birthday, Easter, our anniversary, my husband's birthday, July 4th and now our daughter's birthday. There's not another "thing" to measure time by. No more holidays to wish my way through. No other things to dread the putting on a happy face when deep down, you wish you could sleep through the entire day.

We've made it. Daughter's birthday was the last personal holiday to make it through. Seven year ago today, I still had two more hours of labor to endure before they finally figured out after three days of labor, I was not going to give birth naturally. At 6:30 pm, our daughter was born via c-section. Seven years ago...seems like yesterday in some ways and now she is so big.

We got up this morning and picked up her cake. We came home and I vacuumed and dusted before our friends arrived. My friend and another lady I met through my friend and their children came out to celebrate with us. We had a really nice time. And our daughter had a wonderful time and got so many fun things! Her friends were so sweet to her and after pizza, we had cake and ice cream.

My friend wanted me to show trendy Mom (our nickname for our other friend because her hair is always just so and her clothes are really stylish) around the house. So, we all ate in the half finished dining room lol and I had to show them the messy as heck bedroom that has stripped wallpaper all over the floor. Gosh I'll never finish those two rooms it seems like. At any rate, they stayed several hours and we all had so much fun. I'm so lucky to have met such wonderful friends.

Husband called last night to wish daughter a happy birthday. We weren't able to talk long, but it sure was good to hear his voice. Daughter was giggling a lot on the phone...turns out Daddy was singing Happy Birthday Dear Stinky, Happy Birthday to you lol. Since she was little, he's called her stinky for some reason. It's been so long since she's heard that, she thought it was hysterical. When little guy got on the phone he said, "Daddy say something funny like you did to sissy." He wanted to have a good laugh too ;).

So, the last family holiday is now behind us. Nothing else to plan, nothing else to figure out who will watch our babies so I can buy the presents. No more dreading celebrations alone. The next holiday, Labor Day he probably won't be home for, but I can dream ;). The good thing is there is no celebrating here that particular day lol. The next celebrating will be on Halloween and I sure am hoping by then he'll be home and we'll be settled back into our regular life. Gosh I am praying that he's home by then. I'm so ready to share every day with him again...

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Friday, July 02, 2004

Day 292 - A Little Productive

Yeah, after weeks of sitting on my butt, I didn't want to wear myself out all in one day. I need a rolling eyes smiley lol. I did get a few things done though.

I got up at a half-way decent time. Not as early as I wanted, but I guess I needed the extra sleep. This staying up until 2 or 3 in the morning is the main culprit of my not accomplishing a thing around here. I'm determined to get myself back to going to sleep at a decent time. Last night it was midnight. Tonight, unless I'm busy doing something productive, I'm shooting for eleven.

It's not as though I stay up for any particular reason. I just put off going to sleep for some reason. After ten months on the couch, I now wake up aching all over from being uncomfortable. I guess ten years of me sleeping on this particular couch every time he's gone hasn't done the thing any favors. I'm really looking forward to us buying new living room furniture when he gets home. What we have has truly seen better days.

I got dressed and we headed to the post office to drop off the bills. As I was leaving, I about ran over my husband's buddy's wife - and no, it wasn't on purpose lol.

When our husbands first left, we met weekly to grab a bite to eat together. About two months into it, I ticked her off by saying the UN was worthless and should be disbanded. Note to self: Germans hate the US and love the UN. Oh well. So, she ended up ending the call rather quickly and I didn't hear from her for a month or two. She sent an email which I deleted and didn't respond to. I wasn't in the mood to try to tiptoe around her with my opinions and listen to her "I hate Bush" crap as I had at the beginning.

Back to today - I almost ran her over as she jay-walked. I waved, rolled down the window and she said, "So are you ever going to speak to me again?"

I said, "You hung up on me, if you recall." Which now that I think about it - that's been a theme of this deployment. See how many people I can piss off enough to hang up on me. Damn I'm on a roll! Go ME!! (again, rolling eyes smiley needed)

She said, "Well, I emailed you." I said, "I never got it." It was about five minutes into another conversation about her husband now being in a different company that it dawned on me that yes, she had emailed but I had decided not to bother with it. So, I guess I lied. Ok, I didn't lie at first, but as my husband would say - perpetrated a fraud by not correcting myself when I did remember. Oh well.

She was really nice and we had a decent conversation. We promised to get together later on for dinner one night before they got back home. This is a good thing. Our husbands are pretty close friends and with both of our families planning to call our small town home after retirement, it makes things easier. We're too different to ever be close friends, but making enemies is not something I enjoy doing. Smoothing this dirt road over before they get back is a positive.

After that, the babies and I went to the court house and got the stickers for the cars' tags. Daughter wanted Chinese for lunch, so we stopped and ate. Then we went on to the pretend Wal-Mart in town. Yes, our town is so small there is no Wal-Mart or even a movie theater. We have a small store that is like a mini Wal-Mart. I wanted to get a few extra paint brushes. They were having a sale on little girl clothes, so I bought daughter a few new outfits. We were also out of construction paper. My two little ones love doing craft projects, so we bought two packages of that too.

Now, we've made our way home. I checked email and had an email from a reporter from Newsweek. She's doing a story on soldiers after they return home and wanted to know if I knew anyone who would like to be interviewed. I emailed and told her I'd be glad to post a notice in our forum for people to contact her if she'd like. We'll see what happens. Unfortunately, my husband hasn't returned yet so I'm no help in that department lol.

Well, I'm off to give baths a little early. My babies want to see the Spiderman movie coming on the Disney Channel this evening, so we're getting baths early. What way we can eat and watch the movie - and they can go to bed right after the movie. That is, if our son makes it that long ;). Normally by 7:15 he's asking to go to bed if I'm letting them stay up late.

Hopefully tonight I can post some photos of some progress going on in the dining room. Don't hold your breath though. My track record thus far suggests otherwise.

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Thursday, July 01, 2004

Day 291 - The Day From HELL

One more thing, just ONE more thing and I'll run screaming from my home having completely lost it where the men in white jackets will have to cart me away.

It's just been THE DAY from HELL. Ughh!!!

Lets see, where to begin...

First, another day of nothing. WHERE is my motivation? The FRG finally sends out a date to stop mailing packages. This was a day to celebrate and instead I'm sitting here NUMB. I can't get myself motivated to do anything. The dining room hasn't been touched in a week and the bedroom - hell, why bother at this point.

Started the morning working for free again. Old boss needs help talking to some company doing some programming for them. Have already explained situation to boss twice, but NOOOO I have to explain it to THE GUY, who turns out NOT to be a programmer but will have to ask his programmer. Hey, why don't we cut the two of you out of the middle and I talk to the (gasp!!) PROGRAMMER. Nah, that'd make too much sense.

FRG Leader wants to activate rosters. I email asking FOR a roster. Umm yeah, we don't have one. She calls, I ask her to forward me the latest roster - no forwarded roster. Screw her and the roster. It's a little late in the game to be worried about it now. I hate for someone to be running the show but too damn lazy to hit a forward button. How damn hard is THAT??!!

I FORGET today is bill paying day. At close to four, it DAWNS on me I have a checkbook to balance and bills to write. YEAH ME.

Our bank's site is down. No getting the amount of deposit, no balancing checkbook. Call said bank and she wants to put me on the phone to the IT department. HELLO - I don't care about the website, I just want to get the amount of the deposit. Forget the Army site, that piece of crap locks my computer up 10 out of 10 times.

Decide desk is so messy, the least I can do is clean it OFF. I do and find a letter from my aunt that I never opened that arrived back in May. Yeah, I know - but I'm mastering the art of procrastination. Okay?

I usually call this aunt (elderly, bitter, always mad at someone for something) every week, but since the deployment, I'm just not in a place emotionally I can deal with her anger at the world and my down in the dumps. I've not called in a long while because the last time I hadn't called she bawled me out on the phone when I finally DID call. Not up for it. Nope. Just not setting myself up for it again or I might lose my temper and tell her to stuff it and then I'd feel guilty for the rest of my life. Nope, not calling was easier and making up for it when life was back to normal was the plan.

I open the letter and in it, she is telling me she has written me out of her will, so to please rip up the copies I have blah blah blah. Now, this is GOOD news. The taxes and the headache - my husband didn't want to deal with it. I didn't want to go through that, but I couldn't tell her that and hurt her or seem ungrateful. However, to END our relationship because I haven't called in several months? For crying out loud!! What the hell is wrong with her dialing finger? Thanks!! I feel LOVED.

I call her. I say, "Look, I don't care about the will. I want to know why we can't have a relationship? I'm so sorry that with a husband in a combat zone, working 50+ hours a week, taking care of my children and trying to make this house LIVABLE I didn't call as much as you would have liked, but to just cut all ties with me because of it?"


Yep, that's all I'm worth. Not even an explanation because MY WORLD did not revolve around her pissing and moaning about every damn thing on the fucking earth for a few months. God forgive me, but on top of him being gone, I just COULDN'T make myself want to call and listen to the same shit over and over that happened 50 freaking years ago and all participants but her are 8 feet under. I just could NOT make myself want to call, but you certainly didn't see my phone ringing off the hook. No, only I should spend money to listen to her bitch for two hours each week.

If she can live with it I can. At least now there is no guilt for not having called and sat through two hours of bitching every week.

One of my friend's call a few ago. We're talking about school - so I go to look up the website for the school district and all of a sudden I have this trojan warning on the screen and then I have to click this and that, and then a screen with a graphic of an enter button I've never seen is sitting there. Oh well, I restarted and ran norton - hell I'm here so I guess it's not too bad. Damn virus makers.

And to FINALLY TOP THE DAY off with another pile of shit, husband's wacko sister emails. She has been emailing since he left and I've deleted them. This time, she sends pictures of her children and then follows with another email stating "Dad gave me this address, I never hear back when I email, so let me know if this is right."

I've tried TWICE to have a civil relationship with this crackhead and both times within a day she's telling me how much she dislikes me. She doesn't KNOW me. I've seen her in person (after the first time she was ugly to me over the phone) ONCE - and I didn't speak a word to her. Later, she got our email address and emailed one day. I emailed her back, thinking be the bigger person, forgive and forget - and then for the second time she was nasty. See, I'm not the person she thinks her brother should be married to I guess - hell if I know. At any rate, I emailed her back tonight and said she has her brother's email address, email him. I'm not interested in going down this road again. Thanks but no thanks."

Hell at this point, I'm afraid to get up from this desk - figure the ceiling will cave in on me or I'll trip over a dog, break my fucking neck and it'll be MONTHS before anyone gets pissed off enough from not hearing from me to write to tell me they are writing me out of their will, meanwhile my decaying corpse isn't able to check the damn mail to get the letter in the first place.

I hate people. Today, I truly hate people.

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